I wish I could write some squishy poem of love shouting from the mountain tops with my head leaning back and my arms outstretched.
I can’t begin to surmise the actual experience of love feelings resonating in my heart and soul.
No, this little glimpse of heaven comes in a rare form for me. This may be your regular old garden variety kind of love, or it may not. But, this is a love that wells up deep from within, and is often displayed in very low-key and behind-the-scenes kind of ways.
Each time I share a piece of my life through my writing, I find that my nervousness far surpasses the words I put down on paper. I’m out there. I get crazy scared, as this revealing of my heart and life are up for scrutiny. But, a shift also occurs each time. It is my own growth process that goes through the consistent feelings of being super vulnerable in a shaky time in our world.
People are struggling. There is uncertainty, yet the most compelling forces holding it all together are love and gratitude.
I’m set to continue on a path with a most wonderfully giving and loving man. We met at just the time where our karmic relationships had been completed. We took our time getting reacquainted in this lifetime. We both had business to finish prior to our souls merging even further.
The dance of intimacy is highlighted when we argue, disagree, reunite, re-calibrate, exhibit forgiveness, the understanding of each other; and more often when we don’t understand each other. That is the silly part.
Our little glimpse of heaven is magnified in the moments of our readiness to run away from the partnership. Because we know that we are one step closer to a true purpose of why we are together. This is the toughest part of the flame burning inside both of us. We just don’t quit on each other. Our journey has brought us to this time in life, and we keep it going with the blending and harmony we feel in the dynamic.
So, where is this glimpse of heaven, you might ask.
It happens when the love transcends the reasoning behind the madness.
I have often felt that if my partner were exactly like me, I would get so bored. And, I would leave. I know this about me. This significant man in my life allows me to grow and discover the better version of myself, and that right there is my insight into what is greater than me.
He has taught me the value of being unselfish, the generous nature of giving without anything in return, and how to place love above all else.
I honestly thought I had all the answers in this lifetime. I was wrong. I have fought it, defended my position, and rationalized that most of what I say and do are right. How silly of me to even think that sharing space and time with a love so purposeful would not allow for compromise or equality.
I can blink my eyes several times through the thoughts that arise during my quiet times, reflecting on this partnership: how it started, where we met, why we met at that time, who we are, why we haven’t turned away from each other for too long, why we return, how our souls are connected way beyond the here and now and what our mission is together.
It is real love. It is gratitude. It is willingness.
No amount of dating in life can prepare you for a true glimpse of this heaven.
I wish I could say that when I get a headache through our growing and learning process, it is all bliss. It isn’t, and that is okay. He is a soft-spoken man, with a heart incredibly larger than who he is. I even Googled the meaning behind his name, and lo and behold, the definition meant “heart.”
And yes, oftentimes throughout this union, I have felt like the iron fist in the velvet glove, which defines the Libra spirit to the core. But, I also know that I am a warrior of some kind. I have been through quite a bit. So has he.
So, this little glimpse of heaven is rather simple. Love and more love.
I have traveled lifetimes and several thousand miles in the course of this one true path. That is no metaphor either. I seriously have traveled from the east and west coast searching for the reasons behind my true desire for the oneness within; and in meeting my significant man at an unassuming place, I found what had been missing all along: the full reunion of who we are as individuals in a newly defined interdependent relationship.
I thank God for this glimpse of heaven.
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Ed: Cat Beekmans