Give Your Yoga Teacher a Hug. ~ Amber Kavehkar

Via Amber Kavehkaron Oct 28, 2013

Photo: ganesha.isis

Even when we can’t be at our best, no matter what we must give what we’ve got.

Take off my teacher sheath; you will see a mirror image of yourself. Depending on the thought running through my head, depending on how long we lock eyes, perhaps I would last 10 seconds without having to tear my gaze—before my cast iron veil becomes too heavy to hold up.

Why do I sometimes feel like a crook? Requesting vulnerability and not being able to give it up.

Driving home, uneasiness and fatigue draw my eyebrows tight. My shoulder is killing me. James looked in pain tonight; I should have watched him closer. Did I miss an instance where I could have helped that new student in some way? What was her name?  Am I strong enough to go to a class tonight?

Thoughts multiply over my shallow breath and into my silent apartment.

Why are my classes are still small?  If I figure that out I’ll have job security, right?

I don’t know what I’ll have for dinner or if I’ll have the motivation to make it healthy. I don’t know why I allow let things get to me—like traffic, loneliness or my appearance.  It’s not really allowed in my profession, to be a model of a mess.

On most days I resemble more of a controlled mess. Is that an oxymoron? Why is the word moron in there?

To be the role model yoga teacher and divulge my ultimate self in class, I feel like I am on a tightrope almost ready to fall. I am not sure if I can hold my own here. I honestly don’t know if I will be accepted or if I can handle it if I’m not. To be tranquil, I might censor or even hide completely behind the stereotypical yoga teacher’s fall back metaphor. And when the bullshit spews, I can’t stop it or reverse it…”that wasn’t me…try again”

In my head, I can relate my class lesson easily and in my own way. Real life: it doesn’t usually come out so eloquently.

We teach and preach awareness so the students are keen. This disciplined practice is a vulnerability vampire and it preys on the weak, even the teachers.

Actually, it preys especially on the teachers.  And then it’s like the blind leading the blind with no peace to be found. When I let that happen is when I have let my students down. And it happens sometimes. It does.

Being a full time yoga teacher is a job in a very real sense of the word, especially when we attempt to make our living off only working 20 hours a week, at best. I am one of the luckiest people alive to do this and to be able to live off teaching. I struggle, but so do my students.

Even when we can’t be at our best, no matter what we must give what we’ve got.

I vow to be sensitive to each of my student’s shit when I see it, because helping others helps me.  It’s much easier to do that, than tap into my own. Point taken.

Through compassion we connect clearly. But without clearly connecting, compassion is absent. When I fail, they can feel it and become uneasy. Dis-ease. And it’s far more comforting to be able to be there for someone else, to do what I don’t do for myself. Or can’t.

Teaching is often times more therapy for me than for others. So…thank you.

If you have a yoga teacher, give them a hug. I feel they may be needing one as bad as I do.

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 Assistant Ed: Paige Vignola/Ed: Sara Crolick

About Amber Kavehkar

DJ Sukha (AKA: Amber Kavehkar) is the resident Yoga Modern DJ and a regular contributor on the blog and often contributes her downloadable mashups on their Facebook page. Amber fell in love with the mashup of mind, body, and vinyasa flow at her very first yoga class. Already deeply immersed in the music world, she decided to pick up spinning in order to offer something new in the music and yoga scenes. Amber’s favorite quote is, “When words fail, music speaks.” In Sanskrit, sukha is often translated as “happiness,” “ease” or “pleasure.” In Buddhist literature, the Pali term is used to describe laic pursuits, meditative absorptions and intra-psychic phenomena. DJ Sukha creates eclectic mixes of indie, progressive, electronica, trance, world & dubstep music in order to mesh sound and movement. She collaborates with yoga teachers, event organizers, and studio owners to offer live spinning at yoga classes and events.

 

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2 Responses to “Give Your Yoga Teacher a Hug. ~ Amber Kavehkar”

  1. Joe Sparks says:

    If you want to grow as a human being, and heal yourself, start teaching. You will contradict old timidities and fear, unless you are trying to fill a frozen longing for prestige or recognition. Everybody is fighting huge battles to be themselves, it helps to know that and everyone's life will go better if we aim for that. No one can do that alone. We tried as young ones, it didn't work, no one could think well enough of us, to have the support the understanding to know how 'good' we are. As yoga teachers, we must be our own role models for trying to be human, that is what everyone is looking for, another human mind interacting with another, knowing the truth about us. We are good.

    • DJ Sukha says:

      Thanks Joe, you know that is what I have experienced. Yet one thing I would change respectfully is that actually my students are my role models. But yes it is up to us to be as close to human and truth as possible. Thank you for the feedback, you are right, and letting people see and be truth is true love.

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