How to Love a Wild Woman.

Via on Jul 6, 2014


If she should catch your eye or brush your hand.

If you meet on a chance encounter and see the magic fizz between the two of you, if you have known her for years and suddenly feel “that way” about her, or if you have her already and don’t know how to keep her, if you love her—then love her as an action.

Love her with everything you’ve got:

Respect her as a wonder, not to be held on to or possessed, but to be rejoiced in every moment. 

Be the man that she deserves and make love magic rather than expecting it to “just be.”

Do not be selfish in your desire. Work like hell, but do it together. 

Grasp life by the wings and sail with her, not on her.

Do not crave her heart. Instead, honor it and treasure the parts she shows you, knowing that it was created to be free. 

Do not be jealous of her smile, her laugh, her body or her love. They are only yours if she gives them to you. You will never own them. 

Realize the absurdity of wanting security when life itself is insecure and finite. Accept that the only integral promise she can make is to tell you the truth. No “forevers,” no “till death do us part,” only truth. And that’s enough. 

See it her way. Even if she can’t see it yours. 

Smile at the pleasure she brings to others and do not resent it and wish it all for you. 

Respect her past as she does and know that it is only her past that brought her here and that without it you would never have found her. She has chosen you. 

Do not use intimacy as a reassurance of love, but be secure in yourself and know that she does not control your happiness and is not here to fix any unease with your life. 

Do not crave her gentle moans and whispers and never, ever expect them. Bask in the beauty of those moments and show her all of you in return. 

Let her fly and do not stunt her desires because you are scared of losing her to them. Support her dreams; entwine yourself in them if she wants you there. But let her go too. Give her freedom and choice because in following her heart she is most happy. 

Love her fully. With intent. With passion. Selflessly. And with all of you. 

The way true love demands. 



To the Women with the Wild Ones


How to Love an Artist


How to Love a Girl Who Doesn’t Know How to Be Loved.


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Editor: Travis May

Photos: Author’s Own


About Andy Charrington

Andy Charrington loves to write, works for himself, has three sons and lives in Birmingham UK. You can catch his writing on his Facebook page.


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31 Responses to “How to Love a Wild Woman.”

  1. mmaxwell says:

    Oh my goodness… I love this SO much!

  2. Lori says:

    Perfect! Makes my heart sing that you SOO nailed it!! <3

  3. Ashleigh Hitchcock Ashleigh says:

    this is. the. best! xo

  4. Maree says:

    he he he he he – that's meeeee and anyone who's ever had the misfortune to looooooove me. thanks for posting

  5. Robin says:

    I love this! I think there are a lot of us lately really sharing what it’s like to BE this girl, and it’s wonderful to see a man’s advice on loving her. I wrote about this a few months ago if you’d like another take :)

  6. KellyJean says:

    Love this! Not that I’m a wild woman or anything… ;)

  7. Sarah D says:

    I think there are a whole bunch of people out there who desperately need to see this. It's reassuring that there are men out there who recognize how beautiful, simple and true, love can be. Thank you for sharing this

  8. Heidi says:

    This is the best article I have read in my life. I wish I wrote it. I wish you were my friend. Thank you.

  9. saray438 says:

    Great. Thank you so very much.

  10. Max Cottrell says:

    Great article! Men would do well to love all women in this way.

  11. Nicole says:

    Who wrote this? Andy Charrington?

  12. Ana says:

    I must say I read the article from the first letter to the last without looking at the name of the author and after I finished reading my first guess or thought was that it probably was written by a female :). I meant this in a good way. I thought there were no men capable to understand so well what a woman thinks like, what her wishes and desires are, her heart, what she likes to hear and how she wants to be loved.

    I enjoyed the article very much. Thank you.

  13. Ana says:

    I must say I read the article from the first letter to the last without looking at the name of the author and after I finished reading my first guess or thought was that it probably was written by a female :). I meant this in a good way. I thought there were no men capable to understand so well what a woman thinks like, what her wishes and desires are, her heart, what she likes to hear and how she wants to be loved.

  14. Janka says:

    Beyond Beautiful!!! LOVE it!!!

  15. Elodea says:

    Thanks! Love the article, kind regards Elodea

  16. laurabethward says:

    yes. Just, yes.

  17. Johnny D says:

    Her beauty lay in her wild nature; to tame her would be to destroy her.

  18. Fernanda says:

    very well writen…

  19. bitter_ms says:

    … maybe, most wholesome to (likely misfortunate) 'lovers' were to just forget about (hoping here for) 'love' at all while still trying to cultivate some generalized benevolence (if kindness) to whomsoever, potentially including mild, or wild, or weird ones et al. … at some distance. thus as well raising (narcissist) disappointment in some latter kinda referring to themselves as 'wilds'… ?! but maybe not even that.

  20. anaisninja says:

    What if you are a woman who loves a wild woman?

    Please try to choose writers who are willing and able to address a wider audience.

    We all want elephant love.

    • elephantjournal says:

      Thank you for your comment! I agree, and we are working towards having more inclusivity and diversity in our article and language.

  21. Andy B says:

    wild woman are not for everyone i guess :P

  22. MARC says:

    Thanks Andy, this was helpful. I seem to always date wild woman. In fact was married one for 14 years. I say was because 2 years ago, she left me with no reason, which was hard because I thought she was happy. We always spoke about our problems and worked them out, and this was the first time in 14 years that I couldn't try to fix a problem because she didn't want too. But after theropy and good family and friends I have moved on and recently started dating again. And of course I met another wild woman! I think they can read me or something, but I realised I love their energy.

    I'm having a problem with the notion that its absurd to want security? I know life isn't as you said but when it comes down to it no one wants to be alone or die alone, most everyone prefers to be with someone that loves them then alone. So if two people both what that as well as the other parts in a relationship than why is it wrong. This notion is a real struggle for me because I spent my whole life learning that the only "truly important" things in life are your loved ones and everything else like your job, your home, even my other interest like the need to be creative for me comes second to my loved ones. That I would rather loose it all than the one I love because without her none of it matters. What is a home if yo have no one to share it, or a job if you have no one to talk to about it, or I can't create my art unless I have been inspired by my past loves. So why is it so wrong to want a little security in the one thing we all want?
    I appreciate it if you have any words of wisdom to help me understand.

    • HI Marc,

      Sorry it took me a while to see this.

      Your question is a good one. And one I have questioned myself on a lot. And one I'm afraid I don't have a full answer to.

      However. For me, and possibly for you, I think the key is being satisfied with what is being offered. For me, security, in the way I wanted it to be prevalent was not on the table. I wanted security. I wanted reassurance. I wanted commitment. I wanted forever. But that wasn't in line with what she could give me at that time. And my love for her was greater than my need for those things.

      So the piece saying to not want security, is really about being content with what is on offer. And if what the wild woman is offering is not what you need, then it's only going to hurt. You are going to tear your soul out trying to relinquish your needs so as to have the one you fell in love with. But that is never going to work unless there is some understanding and empathy from the "wild one"! :)

      Marc, I feel for you. Its important to understand that when i wrote this, it was about how i knew i had to love the woman i was in love with (still am). But just because I could see how to love her doesnt mean I could. And that is heart wrenchingly soul breaking. Which leads to the sort of piece I wrote called "I love you & so i must let you go".

      At some point you have to either admit defeat to your own needs (which is no defeat at all because you are freakin' wonderful just as you are) or she has to see your needs and meet you some of the way there. But that is a whole new question of wanting or needing someone to change for you…. a VERY big question….

      I wish you luck Marc. I feel you.


      • Duncan says:

        As much as I felt the power in, and loved reading the original post, I want to say how grateful I am for your response to Marc (and, obviously, to me).

        There's something here that I haven't been able to put words to before. It's still not crystalized but it's something about the difference in the way I've felt in "secure" relationships and in those charged with… not knowing(?) It's the difference between the way I'm engaged and looking to be surprised as I work with a piece of stone (sculpting), wanting only to see what will emerge between the two of us, and when I've decided what I want it to look like when I'm "done". LOL. It helps to put this in words. If I forget to respect the nature and the character in the stone and try to shape it with my will, I will kill the spirit, it may likely break and I'll be left with nothing.

        Still words to find but I thank you for inviting me back into the question this way. Your response is that of the brother I didn't have.


  23. Jak T says:

    I would like to comment on the non exclusive sexuality aspect of this.

    It is absolutely fine for two people to be in an open relationship

    However I have had many friends that are like this and friends with girlfriends like this

    And I’ve seen in many cases the woman getting upset with her boyfriend for being jealous of flirtations

    But then got jealous when the boyfriend did the same

    I’ve even had a woman whom this article fits perfectly that in her eyes it is ok for her to flirt with others but not ok for her significant other to do the same

    And double standards are bad for everyone

    If woman say that they require this kind of freedom in relationships (which is great) then men should have the same level of freedom

  24. A Rational says:

    In other words, forget about your own desires. Just tend to hers and be a simp.

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