Relationships are difficult?

Is it hard to find the right partner?

Not at all!

Here’s how to find a strong and happy relationship.

1. Don’t search for the right partner. Be the right partner.

Nobody can make you happy. Don’t even dare hope that one day somebody will come along and erase your fears, emotional baggage and make you a better person.

A happy one.

Nobody can ever accomplish that.

Do not dwell on your unhappiness, past failures, mistakes and depression. Your partner cannot fix you. Be a happy and reliable person.

Radiate positivity. Be yourself.

Enjoy what you do and have hobbies. Take care of your body. That way you will automatically attract the right person for you.

2. Focus on the positive in your partner. What you focus on, expands.

Does your partner always leaves the toothpaste open or chuck his plate into the sink with half the meal still on it?

Ja, I know that is hard. And hard to ignore.

Do not focus on how much it annoys you.

Focus on the wonderful characteristics of your partner. Yes, maybe you can talk about an annoying issue and find a compromise but don’t let those little things control your mind all day and ruin the vibe. 

3. Don’t take anything personally. Be relaxed and keep calm.

If there is a fight, do not get caught up in your partner’s anger.

If he or she gets personal and furious, refuse to feed the fire. Just because your partner is unhappy, uncomfortable and unstable it does not mean that it has anything to do with you.

Remember that a fight consists of two people.

Do not be that second one.

You can stop the fight by not getting emotional. I know it is ve-hee-ry difficult as your partner knows exactly how to push your buttons. So, in the worst-case-scenario he or she will say anything just to hurt you, even if it is not true.

So trying to hurt the other person, in the heat of the moment or trying to counter argue the points does not make any sense. You do not need to win that situation.

If possible, leave the room.

4. Forgive quickly. Swallow your pride.

Don’t be stubborn for stubbornness sake.

Maybe you learned at home from watching your parents that there must be a winner in every single fight.

At least that’s what I did. So, usually if I couldn’t win a fight I would not speak for three days. Programmed that way, eventually, I would still win the argument with my exes as I would remain stubborn for longer than they would and then they would come crawling.

But not this one.

I finally met the first person on this planet who is more stubborn than me. He has forced me to come to the conclusion that you have to choose your battles and to continue fighting, just to win, does not make any sense.

Fighting is draining and a complete waste of time.

5. Listen more than you speak.

Understand where your partner is coming from, empathize with his or her situation.

You don’t learn anything from talking, assuming and being self-centered. Things may appear different than the way they really are from your perspective. Just because someone else’s experience, feelings or thoughts do not make sense to you it does not mean they are wrong!

6. Do not marry in the period of infatuation!

Please do yourself a favor. Falling in love is wonderful but you do not know the person after a couple of weeks or months. You only notice the good characteristics and the nice feeling in your stomach.

You do not know anything about his or her goals in life, the habits, how he or she was raised and influenced, or how he or she reacts when angry.

People marry young and too soon and then, after a few months or years of discovering each other’s faults, everything starts falling apart.

We often hear or say, “You have changed.”

But, in fact, nobody has changed.

It’s just that all the small things that drive us crazy have started showing over time. Slowly. And then, you wake up one morning and do not know who your partner is—after you got to know him or her better.

It’s too late when you discover that your partner cannot handle money or has a totally different vision about being a couple. What then?

So take your time to get to know each other.

Be yourself, be relaxed and happy from the inside, communicate in a respectful way and you will experience a wonderful relationship.

Relephant:

How to Love Better: Mindfulness in Relationships.

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Author: Anna Sliwinski

Editor: Ashleigh Hitchcock

Photo: flickr