I had always wanted to shave half of my head—kind of like Ellie Goulding—but never had the guts.

For a year, I kept telling myself that someday I would do it—even though deep down I knew I wouldn’t.

Then one day before my 21st birthday, I suddenly realized that I was about to become an adult in less than 24 hours. I realized I would not longer have the excuse of being an irresponsible college student. I would soon be expected to act like an adult and basically, to be boring.

I only had a few hours left to act like a rebellious, overconfident and irresponsible teenager.

“What can I do to take advantage of these last few hours of blissful freedom?”

Without telling a soul, I shaved half of my hair off. I didn’t let myself think twice before doing it, because I knew that if I did I would never actually go through with it.

I have never been so proud of myself. I mean, to shave half your hair off and walk around in public like you had a nervous breakdown requires some serious guts. People would look at me weirdly on the streets and in college like “What happened to her?”

In the beginning, it was difficult.

I even tried a middle part to hide the shaved side, but after a while of getting used to it, my half-shaved head became a part of me. I was proud of it.

When I started to accept something that I once felt ashamed of, I started to accept a lot of things about myself that I didn’t like. When I accepted that it is okay to look different and it’s totally fine when people stare at me (because in my head they’re just admiring my awesome hairdo!), it healed parts of me that I had previously refused to acknowledge.

Until now, those parts of me had seemed better off at the back of the closet, well hidden beneath everything. Once I brought them out into the open, I realized they really weren’t as big a deal as they had seemed in my head. They were a part of me. I now had the courage to accept and love myself.

Shaving my head also made me realized that I am actually more courageous than I give myself credit for. All the things I thought I could never do? I realized that I actually could do—mostly because, if I can walk around in public looking like that, I can do anything.

I’ve since learned that most of our fear stems from what will people think. We worry that we will seem weird to others. But so many dreams and desires are crushed under fears like these.

When I shaved my head, it was like I was slapping practicality right in the face.

I loved the shock on people’s faces. I relished in defying societal norms and I realized that all the worry that we afford to thoughts like “What will they think of me?” is useless.

When we realize that, we are suddenly filled with abundant courage and that courage will take us places, places our dreams and desires have already planned for us.

~

Author: Sarah Nicholas

Editor: Alli Sarazen

Photo: distelfleige/Flickr