For far too many years I tried to play the role of my favourite superhero Wonder Woman.

I thought I could be it all: the perfect mother, partner, lover, friend, colleague, employee, businesswoman, adventurer, cook, cleaner, neighbour and so on.

I wore the cape, the red boots, the golden tiara, I defected bullets with my bracelets and held the lasso firmly in my hand.

I wanted to do it all! To prove myself. To show my worth. But, I couldn’t. I was a terrible at it. I’d set myself up for failure.

And the ironic thing was, the more expectation I placed upon myself, the worse I felt. The worse I felt, the more I tried desperately hard to perfect everything.

A vicious circle played out.

And the more I thought about it, even Wonder Woman had unbelievably high expectations placed upon her fighting forces for justice, love, peace and feminism and she had superpowers to assist. Even outside of her daily challenges there were requirements and expectations, to sell enough movies, comic books or merchandise! How could any woman cope with the pressure! And still look amazing? Impossible.

There was only one way out… It was time for me to drop all of the ridiculous expectations and remove the very high pedestal I had placed myself upon. It was time to fall…hard, into myself.

Once I began to remove the expectations I started to question where they had all come from in the first place. None of them belonged to me. None of them even aligned with how I felt on the inside. The expectations had derived from subliminal messages I was receiving from every corner of my life, everywhere apart from within me.

I had been living my life to expectations that I had come to believe must be adhered to and I had no idea who had made up all of these ridiculous unwritten rules. Utter madness! I had existed in an an unhappy and often self-destructive lifestyle trying to conform to an unrealistic expectation of what was perceived to be the “perfect” woman—and a lifestyle that most definitely did not make me happy.

So, the only thing left to do was to work out how to drop all the weight I had shouldered for too many years. And truthfully, it was the simplest thing I’ve ever done.

I just let go.

Let go, let go, let go.

Let go of the crazy thoughts that had been processing in my mind, of the commitments I had agreed to that I had no desire to honour, of the unnecessary cleaning and preparing and taking care of things that held no importance whatsoever. I had to jump off the hamster wheel and remove every obstacle that could prevent me from running freely.

I had created a life that was brimming full with activities and barely any of it meant anything to me.

I was holding onto a notion of perfection that didn’t make sense. If I wasn’t happy, what chance did anyone else have of being happy when they were in my company?

I realised that I couldn’t just let go of the expectations I had of myself, I also had to let go of what other people thought of or expected of me.

I wasn’t perfect and I realised that I was quite OK with that and if other people weren’t happy with me in my natural state then why should I make myself so unhappy just to make other people happy? That was their responsibility, not mine.

Of course, I had priorities and commitments that I knew I couldn’t compromise. However, anything else outside of those few important things I placed on the drawing board and removed and readjusted and reshaped until they fit into my life—my new “happy, free from expectation life.”

I realised that it is okay to just be okay. It is okay to mess up, it is okay to be imperfect and to be an artwork in progress. It is okay not to be everything to everyone and not to excel at everything. It is okay not to excel at all.
It is all okay. It is more than okay. It is perfect. Self-acceptance in itself is perfect. I don’t need to compete with Wonder Woman. I am me. Unique. I am enough already. I am worthy.

One by one I stripped away all the labels, layers and definitions that I had painted over myself. I began a journey of unlearning everything I had once thought to be true, and relearning a whole new way of being—existing authentically.

Now, I may wear Wonder Woman underwear from time to time, but that’s the closest I get to trying to be like her. I still adore Wonder Woman and she is still the superhero I’d transform into if I ever got the opportunity, although only for a night. It is far more enjoyable being happy and comfortable with just being me.

I took off the cape, threw down the bangles, removed the tiara, dropped the lasso…oh and the boots? I’ve kept them as I think they’re pretty hot.

I no longer live to ideals, icons or unreachable expectations. I just live to my own truth and my own simple guidelines—that’s where I find myself. Me. I’ll leave my own mark on the world, however small, and I’ll leave Wonder Woman alone to leave hers.

Plus, I knew I could never be a role model to my child while I was trying to fit into a mould of someone I could never live up to. The last thing I wanted was to pass my insecurities, expectations and unrealistic targets I had tried to live to onto my child.

I am now my own woman. Not in competition with, hoping to compare to, or trying to be similar to Wonder Woman or any other woman. I am a woman of wonder and that’s good enough for me.

And of all the loving things I now tell myself that play out in my mind, this line is one of the ones I constantly press repeat on:

“Now the world is waiting for you—and the wonders you can do.” ~ Wonder Woman Theme Song

 

Full Lyrics—Wonder Woman Theme Song:

Wonder Woman!
Wonder Woman!

All the world is waiting for you
and the power you possess
In your satin tights
fighting for your rights
And the old red, white, and blue

Wonder Woman!
Wonder Woman!

Now the world is ready for you
and the wonders you can do
Make a hawk a dove
stop a war with love
Make a liar tell the truth

Wonder Woman!
Get us out from under, Wonder Woman

All our hopes are pinned upon you
and the magic that you do
Stop a bullet cold
make the axis fold
change their minds and change the world

Wonder Woman!
Wonder Woman!

 

Relephant: 

This Is What Loves Looks Like. {Pictures & Words}

~

Author: Alex Myles

Editor: Travis May

Images: D. Mark Laing/Flickr