Having a lot of friends isn’t the same as having a few very deep, close connections you can trust with anything.
I can’t tell you how many friend groups I left behind.
It wasn’t always pretty and I pissed a lot of people off along the way. I just didn’t have the skills to know how to end friendships or relationships well. I just knew I had other fish to fry and always trusted that impulse in me.
Part of what had me leaving is that I had an insatiable thirst for more depth and meaning in my interpersonal relationships. I wanted more.
As many of us know, relationships are one of the central pillars to living large in life. As relationship brain researcher Dan Siegel says,
“It might not surprise you to hear (or be reminded) that of all the factors in human life that predict the best positive outcomes, supportive relationships are number one.”
In other words, having deep, meaningful, fulfilling relationship is central to a life well-lived.
These 8 signs can tell us if it’s time for a relationship upgrade:
1. You feel confined in the relationship and it’s very unsatisfying. They want you to be a way that works for them. You say things like “I feel like I can’t be me,” “there’s no room to be me,” “they won’t accept me,” “they can’t handle the real me.” You want to go deep; they just want to have fun.
2. You have a hunger to get real, more honest, more edgy, and they just want to keep the conversation about the past memories, superficial topics, or within their comfort zone.
3. If you want the vibe to be more awesome; you are the one to initiate every meaningful or deep conversation.
4. You resent them.
5. You stopped enjoying your time with them. You are more drained by the interaction than nourished
6. You get bored and avoid them. When you are with them, you’re not really there. You are checking out and wishing you were doing something else. You can’t wait to look at your phone. You make up excuses to not be with them.
7. You hold space for them a lot and you hold back sharing more about you because you know when you take a risk and tell them about your challenges, they try to fix you or tell you how awesome you are which feels like shit because you want to be seen in what you’re going through. You’re tired of this dynamic.
8. You feel more alone when you are with them than when you are alone.
As you start this 2016, ask yourself this important question:
Do I want another year of the same okay relationships or do I want my relationships to be deeply meaningful and fulfilling?
If you want the latter, here’s some more advice.
More relationship advice from Jayson:
Author: Jayson Gaddis
Editor: Katarina Tavčar
Photo: CIA DE FOTO/Flickr
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