I have lived most of my life petrified to give my heart away.

I have felt torn apart and damaged by the first one or two (or three or four) wolves that took advantage of my naiveté years ago, and hated myself for that fact that it sticks to the back of my mind like glue.

I have come to realize that there are some who think only of themselves, and either don’t seem to know or just don’t care how deeply they tore up my heart.

So each time I have tried to date again—anxiety ridden and full of mistrust—I ask myself why.

Why am I letting this anxiety consume me? Why can’t I tear down this great wall? And why am I driving myself crazy, when they don’t seem to have a care at all?

I have come to understand the reasons for my anxiety:

1.) My gut instinct tells me this new person in my life may not worthy enough for me to abolish this wall I have spent so long building.
2.) I am not comfortable enough with myself to believe that another person could truly love me.
3.) I forget about myself—completely losing me in the abyss of pleasing another, who may already be putting themselves first.

I’m still working on understanding all this, but at the heart of it is an important truth; we cannot possibly believe that someone will love us, until we love ourselves. And this has surely been the problem all along—for those of us who have struggled in love. If we can learn to dig deep within our souls, get to know ourselves and enjoy our own company, we would discover more key truths.

Firstly, we would realize that our gut instinct is always right. Our heads and your hearts might be playing a game of chess causing the anxiety within us to stir, but our gut instantly knows when something is wrong. Believe it! Stop wasting time trying to fight it.

Secondly, once we become comfortable with ourselves and really enjoy being in our own company, we will radiate confidence. We will have discovered how to enjoy our essential alone time, and not feel lonely. We will be strong enough to walk the earth comfortably alone, and therefore be able to bounce back the next time we face heartbreak. (Because we just might, and that’s okay.)

Most importantly, confidence is sexy. We will attract the right people because they will see the glowing of our souls from miles away. They will love us, because we love us.

Lastly, once we learn to love ourselves, we will never forget about ourselves again. We will understand the balance of pleasing both ourselves and or partners. We will be able to enjoy our alone time when they need theirs, and we will learn to be our own person aside from the relationship.

Giving is part of loving, but those of us who sacrifice ourselves in a relationship should remember than in the end we all be alone.

If we can find the balance and keep ourselves in mind, we may find we have even more to give.

Believe in yourself, and believe in love again.

Tell me,
what is the point
of letting fear overcome us?

Fear of love,
of ourselves,
and the capability of the human heart
to hold love for others
even when it has been torn apart.

This world can be ugly—
confusing love
with pain.

We hurt others
through our selfish greed
and feelings of disdain.

It can tear us down,
make us fear the lies that hide
behind the curtain of belief.

But listen—I am telling you
to believe.

Believe in yourself, 
believe that you can learn the difference
between love and pain.

Find it deep within
to love yourself
first.

Uncover the many layers—
the grime pain has left behind,
and immerse yourself in this love.

Allow vulnerability
to flow through you.
like a constant stream, clear and true.

Only when love starts within. 
will you have the capacity
to share this love
with another soul.

~

Author: Jacklyn Kelley

Editor: Khara-Jade Warren

Image: Charlotte Astrid/ Flickr

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