We all know how it goes—the ol’ time to give up routine,

“We’re just not sexually compatible anymore.”

Or, there is so much compatibility each time you get together is like a porn shoot,

“Our sexual chemistry is off the charts!”

Sometimes we’re even psychic,

“I don’t think we are going to be sexually compatible, I can just sense it.”

Sexual compatibility is huge for most relationships. It’s the glue that can bind even the most dysfunctional relationships together while incompatibility is the very thing that breaks them apart.

Sexual compatibility can be broken down into two parts:

1. Unconscious chemical bonding that’s going on between you and your lover.

2. Physical and emotional bonding.

There are parts of a relationship and the search for compatibility that no one can control.

Subconsciously working behind the scenes are chemical components to our mating and dating selection process. Major histocompatibility complex are genes correlated to the immune system that play a role in choosing a mate—basically, the smell of love.

And when it comes to our “love genes” opposites do attract.

Genetic diversity ensures a more successful gene pool in the offspring if we’re choosing to have children one day. Love doesn’t always transcend mere physical attraction. Subconsciously our biological systems are working to help us choose the most compatible mate!

But there is a part we can control—at least partially. Let’s talk libido.

In longer term relationships it’s normal for libidos to change from the time we first got together. Both men and women go through hormonal changes as they age (manopause and menopause). Life stresses like raising kids, work and money challenges, psycho-pharmacological medications and illness can all effect sexual libido.

It is important to keep communication open in a relationship so everyone is on the same page. Being in the “mood” requires some compromise and some effort sometimes. Remember, if one area of a relationship gets ignored it could cause a domino effect in other areas.

Sexual incompatibility in the bedroom is one of the major reasons many long term relationships end.

In newer relationships it’s better when both of us share a similar libido too.

Different intimacy needs and sexual preferences are workable when the underlying libido and desire are present.

Desire and deeper connection (intimacy) are fueled when there are a few other things in common besides sexual compatibility. Interests, morals, values and life goals all play a huge role in overall compatibility.

 

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Relephant read:

Ask Me Anything: Keeping the Sexual Spark in Long Term Relationships (Weekly Advice Column).

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Author: Heather Dawn

Editor: Khara-Jade Warren

Image: Bart Callebert/ Flickr

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