There I said it.

I’m not looking for pity or reassurance that someone will come along. I’m not looking for the sympathy. I’m just stating a fact.

Most days I am quite fine with it. But we all have days where life is just not quite what you thought it would be or should be.

As humans, we long for connection. We were not meant to go it alone. We need that feeling of belonging. We all have connections with others; our family, our kids or our friends. But that connection with someone special is just different.

I have lots of people in my life that love me. I am, indeed, a very lucky person. But some days—sigh—well some days I long for more.

Some days, paying the bills on our own sucks.

Some days another income would be amazing! To have a little extra to play with. For new furniture. Or a trip. Or just something extra without having to worry about it. A joint account where some of your money and some of their money goes in each month to cover the necessities. And then an account of our own, a fun fund.

Some days, trying a new recipe sucks.

No one to have as a guinea pig to try an outlandish recipe on. Cooking for one is difficult. And quite honestly, I dislike it. I hate trying to cut back on a recipe for just one. I always end up with leftovers. And there is no one to tell you it is wonderful or horrible. No one to suggest to just order pizza instead as they attempt to swallow the disaster.

Some days the house is too quiet.

Too much space for thoughts to run free in. There is no one to answer silly questions. No one to listen to me ramble on. No one to roll their eyes over something I may have done or not done, for that matter. No one to yell at to turn down the music. No one to run into when coming around the corner with an arm full of laundry. No one to blame that the kitchen is a disaster.

Some days laundry for one feels like a larger chore than doing it for an entire family.

Throwing in just a few outfits from the week seems like such a waste. There is no one to ask to move the stuff out of the washer into the dryer. No one to help fold it. No one to wonder why the other side of the bed is filled with clean clothes that haven’t been put away.

Some days that bed is just too big.

Its surface area feels like a vast wasteland. No one to cuddle up too. No one to complain about stolen covers. No one to elbow and tell them to stop snoring. Or be elbowed! Those nights when that happens, I have moved out to the couch to sleep. I curl into the cushions. Feeling like I have something to lean on. It doesn’t feel so empty on the couch.

Some days the daily tasks or chores seem overwhelming to do alone.

Run here. Pick up this. Drop off that. No one to call to ask if they could stop and grab the milk that was forgotten. No one to split the chores with. No one to ask for help with those everyday things we do.

No sitting on the couch wondering why we are watching the stupid shows that we do. No getting pissed at someone because they are breathing too loudly or blinking too often. No walking into the kitchen to find dirty dishes in the sink, mere inches from the damn dishwasher.

Some days being single sucks. For all those practical reasons and then there are the other reasons.

No quiet touch from a lover. Not a single word spoken, just “being” with each other.

No gentle brush of a body as we pass in the hall.

No catching someone watching you getting ready in the morning with a silly smile on their face.

No “I’m just thinking of you” texts throughout the day.

No impromptu lunches just because he/she was in the neighborhood.

No flowers sitting on your desk to remind you that you are loved.

No walking through the door at the end of the day knowing that there is someone there that has got your back.

No one to sigh gently at when asked about your day.

No one to give you that hug that says “I’m here” when it feels like the whole world has walked out on you.

No one to curl up to and warm that cold ass on in the bed.

No one to reach out to, in the middle of the night when you wake up with a start.

No one to kill the spiders.

So yes, some—not all, but some days—being single sucks.

 

Author: Debbi Serafinchon

Editor: Sara Kärpänen

Photo: Eleazar / Flickr