Last night I did laundry in a bikini.

Why, you ask? A couple nights earlier I had dinner with two dear friends. We got to talking about body image and how wearing a swimsuit in public pushes all of our insecurities to the surface like a forceful squeeze on a tube of toothpaste. As we nibbled on fried spring rolls and samosas, we expressed our irrational fears at the mere thought of other people seeing us in swimwear.

We grumbled about how a bikini would truly put all of our so-called “junk” on display. One friend, in fact, had recently tested wearing a bikini in public on a solo beach vacation. She succeeded, but not without a steady dose of self-criticism.

By the end of the night we agreed to don bikinis at a yet to be determined beach (an extremely safe distance from home) during the upcoming summer.

Feeling slightly inspired after work the next day, I decided to follow the old adage and start where I was. This meant doing some post-winter grooming of the bikini zone. (Hey, it seemed important if I ever expect to wear a bathing suit, let alone a bikini, in the near future.)

The next morning I drew a card from my deck of Kris Carr’s Crazy Sexy Love Notes. It gave me the precise message I needed:

“Accept Yourself.”

My favorite part—and the part that fit so snugly with the conversation from the night before read:

“When you accept yourself exactly as your are, you shift from living for tomorrow to appreciating today.”

Ouch. The truth hit me over the head…hard.

My inability to feel comfortable wearing a swimsuit in public is a fear-induced slap in the face to all of the meditation and yoga I’ve done to cultivate stillness in the past six years.

All of that effort to be more present means zilch if I’m not okay with the way my body is now. I’m not living in the present moment. Instead of being in the now, I’ve been lamenting about the body bits I am unhappy with and how I wish they looked. Yikes. Talk about a setback.

I immediately texted this newfound wisdom to my two friends, sparking a spirited exchange.

My head was spinning. How can we call ourselves mindful, if we can’t accept our bodies for what they are at this moment? And if we can’t look at what we think of as our bodily imperfections and embrace them, how can we ever expect to feel comfortable with our bodies around others?

Determined to live a more authentically mindful life, I came up with a process to help conquer these fears:

Step 1:

Wear a bikini when at home alone. Do so until becoming comfortable with said body in said bikini.

(It’s important to note that I use the term bikini lightly. Mine is a modest two-piece that shows my lengthy torso in all its pasty, post-Northeast winter glory and is far removed from the skimpy images the word conjures in my mind. When I hear bikini, I think tiny triangles barely covering my nipples and a couple of slightly larger triangles for the bottom, the largest of which would be unattractively wedged between my arse cheeks. Yah, that’s not happening…ever.)

Step 2:

Wear a bikini around the house when our respective housemates are home.

Step 3:

Get together with my two friends at one of our homes, drink wine and eat snacks while wearing bikinis. (This step sounds both difficult and ridiculous—unless we’re drinking wine by the box.)

Step 4:

Wear bikinis at the beach, preferably one far from home to avoid familiar faces. Remember, these are baby steps.

Step 5:

Handpick a larger group of friends to slap on bikinis and once again put our insecurities on display at the beach.

So, what’s my end goal upon successful completion of these steps?

I simply hope to reach a new level of acceptance for my body and a more all-encompassing ability to live in the now.

I have no idea how all of this is going to play out for me—or my two friends. What I do know is that we’ve started an extremely important dialogue about how we feel about our bodies. And it’s good to talk about it

We were amazed to hear one another’s fears about wearing any sort of swimsuit in public. What we realized is that rolls, cellulite, stretch marks and other perceived imperfections are a reality for women—regardless of size or shape.

Of course we wonder if there are actually women who don’t mind wearing a bikini—or any swimsuit—around others. I’m sure there are, but we don’t personally know any. How much has this fear—and lack of living in the now—held us back in our 40-plus years on the planet. Can we truly tackle these fears by wearing bikinis in public? And if we succeed in eradicating this fear, what sort of domino effect might it have on our lives?

I’m not sure, but I’m willing to give it a shot.

Only time and a bikini will tell.

 

 

Author: Beth Randall

Volunteer Editor: Kim Haas / Editor: Travis May

Photo: Holly Lay/Flickr, Shan Sheehan/Flickr