“He’s more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.” ~ Emily Brontë

I searched. Oh God, did I search.

I curiously gazed into the dark and delicate iris of every shadowed soul I’ve ever known.

I didn’t have limits, on this search. I let go of unrealistic expectations, boundaries, conditions and my mind, in blind faith, that you were somewhere out there, maybe hidden in the rough. I allowed everything to affect, alter and distort me. The alchemy changed me and I was alone, in a blend of the darkest darkness and an achingly blinding light.

I fell, hard and much too deep into vast and poisonous wells, while I searched land and sea, for someone wondrous, someone infinite, someone just like you.

I took it all. It took all I had to give. I embraced the pain and the glory, the explosions of pleasure and the crushing, relentless eruptions of a treacherous hell.

I never cried out for grace and I never surrendered when the white flags waved.

Through the search, I never wanted those “someones” who adored, cherished, worshiped or placed me way too high on a pedestal. I didn’t want anything that anyone could give. It was always, a longing, an undeniable desire, to know, to love, to hold, a someone like you.

I battled outlines of lost empty shells that even mighty warrior’s feared and turned from. I crawled through mud and murk, fought demons and unraveled countless barbed exhausted hearts just to get near to one who was very much like you.

The lone wild wolf understands. I hear the howling in the distance and I know that there is another wandering, determined, along this same road… Searching for that one, who lives outside the safety of a pack. One who has braved torturous days and haunting, viciously cold nights with hope in their heart that there is something, someone more, existing in the wilderness and searching too.

I heard the songbird. And wondered if it is also calling to connect to their other. Someone whose rhythm furiously beats with the same pulsating intensity, and one that will flutter and fly without care or caution of what might lie ahead. So long, as the two might meet.

Before I found you, I begged the skies to ignite and light a constellation of stars to show me a way, to you. I knew that you were somewhere searching for someone, entirely like me. But, the universe wasn’t willing. It told me first that I had obstacles to cross and paths I must venture through. So impatiently, I wandered, in solitude for you.

If someone were to ask me what it was I was holding out for, or why I kept a part of me sacred and locked down, I didn’t have the words to answer. All I knew was, it was someone who was made just like you.

Someone whose eyes were alight dangerously burning bright from the raging fire ravishing within. Someone who sacrifices it all to taste only a moment of mountain shattering, inexplicable love—just to satisfy an inquisitive mind that questions the possibility that this someone exists. The someone who has integrity, passion, madness and a million wild emotions ricocheting powerfully on the inside of their bones. That someone who allows the echoing silent whisper to stir a hurricane within, and drown out the loaded doubting noise that tears and ruptures skin.

This someone like you, didn’t thrive on mediocre, they sought their own permission to play courageously and insanely on the edge of rules and roles that society has laid out. They have this uniqueness, a je ne sais quoi, and humility that draws me in, makes me weak, tempts and mesmerizes me, that pulls me to irrationally forsake my senses.

The someone that I prayed for was raw and tender, vulnerable but with the strength and foresight of a thousand marching armies. Unafraid of my judgment, this someone, would invite me to touch the uncontrollable storm and swim in the ocean residing and crashing on the blueprint of their core. And I would accept, without looking away or flinching at the devastation they willingly endured, on their arduous adventure to meet a someone, like me.

The someone like you that I searched for searched for someone like me. Without knowing where, why or when. We only knew “if.” And that was all it took to eventually find. The someone like you.

“Someone like you wasn’t meant to be defined. Or confined or even met eye to eye. Just meant.” ~ Paulo Nuitini

 

 

 

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Author: Alex Myles

Photo: Flickr/Angela Marie Henriette

Editor: Travis May