This article originally appeared on MeetMindful. elephant is proud to share their content, and we think you’ll love them just as much as we do. Happy reading! ~ Ed.

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We all know it can be this wonderful, exciting, exotic, and powerful thing, but getting to that point requires making some mistakes that make sex, well, not so great.

They make it awkward and heart-crushing rather than exciting or wonderful.

Over my years, I’ve shed a few tears and held myself from slapping a few faces. Overall, I can’t say I have any regrets, but if I could go back to give the old me some advice, I’d share these sex mistakes.

Using Sex Esteem as Self Esteem.

I grew up seeing women prancing around in tiny outfits, busty bustiers, and fancy push-up bras with matching underwear. Because of the subconscious ideas I acquired through society and my upbringing, I thought sex appeal was everything. My self-worth was tied into being desirable. So, the more heads I turned, the more I mattered. Which also goes to say that the fewer heads I turned, the less I mattered.

I thought that being somebody meant being sexy and attractive. Because of this, I shared myself intimately with a man or two that I would have never consciously chosen to be with. But because I felt that being attractive meant everything, I didn’t really see there being any other choice but to go to the bedroom. Back then, I didn’t matter. I had no concerns about being respected, or valued, or appreciated. What mattered was being “bangable.” So even though I seemed bed-worthy to someone that saw me as another notch in the bedpost, I was willing to take the risk in hopes of feeling like a somebody. Except I only ever walked away as a nobody…

Taking Mr. Next Instead of Waiting for Mr. Right(ish).

I grew up without a solid father figure, so when I came of age I didn’t know what qualities I wanted in a man. I also didn’t know what behaviors should raise red flags. So combine that with my lust-based self-esteem inspired by society, and you have a recipe for remorse.

There was so much I didn’t know. So, it never occurred to me that I should be looking for a partner that aligns with me. Instead, I pretty much went for any guy who was gutsy enough to express interest in me. Fortunately, I had a low-key lifestyle so I didn’t get out a lot, but I still made decisions that made no sense whatsoever. I shouldn’t have taken interest in someone just because they had interest in me. My decision should have been about my needs and my wants. Then I would have saved myself confusion, and regret, and embarrassment…

…Follow us over to MeetMindful to finish reading My Biggest Sex Mistakes.

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Author: Ash Stevens

Image: darkuncle/Flickr

Editor: Katarina Tavčar