I’m not good at trusting people.
I think aloud, as I listen to my man play the guitar—sipping on the sweetness of his melodies as darkness spills into the horizon, replacing the sweet sunset with the chilly tenderness of twilight.
He’s outside. I’m inside—the glass doors barely separate us—and his music wafts inside our cozy home like curls of the most beautiful smoke. He cannot see me, but I smile. I write this poem, and I smile like a fool.
Because I do trust him.
I’m scared—hell yes, I’m scared. Because this is new for me—I have let someone fully, completely in. Everywhere. He has seen behind my mask and seen the darkest parts of my soul, the parts I can hardly stand to look at.
When I ask if this changes how he feels about me, he just smiles broadly and says,“I love you more. Because I know you more.”
I swear, men like this are warriors. In his words, I am utterly held. In his words, I blossom.
Because that’s bravery.
So I’ve made a deal with myself, based on this newfound bravery that stems—gasp!—from vulnerability of all things. I’m done building walls, calling them boundaries and hiding in them. That’s bullsh*t, and I know it.
I deserve better. I need more. Because we can learn to trust again. We can experience connection and the gorgeous depths of true intimacy. It’s never too late to surrender to the arms of our lover and rest sweetly there. Because even the most suspicious, fearful hearts long madly to trust, to open, to love.
It’s a risk, yes. It’s always a risk to love deeply. But are we not always held by the invisible hands of the divine when we take those breathless leaps?
~
Trust him.
Splay open your heart, page by page
Reveal splotches of blue ink that form the webs of your voice, your experiences—
Good and terrible, beautiful too
And all of your stories and worst mistakes.
Take off your mask
Drop the thick metal armor
Let it crumble into soil
Soften
And be your rawest
Juiciest
Most vulnerable self.
Trust him.
Because you can
Drip your truth all over him
He’s not like the others
He wants you—all of you
More of you
The realest you.
Trust him.
He listens.
He cares.
He pulls you close, kisses up and down your neck, sending shivers to your toes—
And damn, he is present.
He takes your hand, strokes your hair, looks at you and says:
“You’re the most beautiful, mystifying creature in the world.”
It’s not just talk.
He steps up, shows up
Takes care of you sweetly
Challenges you fiercely
Mostly
He just loves you purely,
Honored to bask in the presence of your luscious goddess curves.
Trust him.
He is not perfect, but he sees you—
He peers through the plastic mask of who you thought you had to be
And punctures the glorious soul who you really are.
He whispers to your aching wounds with his smile
And teases out your deepest pain with his soft as velvet tears.
Trust him.
He has no ulterior motives.
Only the truest aim to love you like you’ve never been loved
To show you what it is to be held
To be seen
To be safe.
He’ll trace every line on the palms of your soul
Every chapter, down the sentence
Even the parts that are scary and sad and not pretty and so damn hard to talk about—
He’ll love those gory parts of you most of all.
And if that makes you weep, then weep in front of him
He will only be moved
He will only love how deeply you feel
For he only wants to know you more.
Never less.
Always more.
Trust him.
He is not like the others who said lots but did little—
You won’t scare him away
For he will meet you right there
In the terrifying depths
In the overwhelming darkness
In the conflict and fire
In the bursting hope and sweetest joy, too.
He will not run away
He will step closer
Touch your tear-stained cheeks
Kiss your mouth harder, with more passion
Saying plainly that he wants you
Only you
Always you.
Forever you.
Trust him.
Feel the ripening of a real love
Feel a solid knowing smolder to life in both of your souls
Raw magic bursts forth
The floodgates of destiny break open
Sandalwood incense wafting through the crisp night air
Two souls combining in a prayer
Alchemy
Made all the more potent
When your naked lips meet like magnets
Because separately you are powerful
Together,
You are simply a masterpiece.
Trust him.
He is not like the others.
He wants you—all of you
More of you
The realest you.
Be brave.
Be potent in your vulnerability.
Splay open your goddess heart,
and let him read every last rose-petal infused page.
~
Author: Sarah Harvey
Image: Instagram @simon_furio
Editor: Yoli Ramazzina
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