In many traditional societies, learning about your ancestry was a huge part of becoming an adult, of figuring out how you fit into your culture and the grand scheme. Today, many kids don’t even have close relationships with their parents, let along grandparents or ancestors. In the absence of strong communities and rituals to help kids mature, how will adolescents find their place? In this video, Malidoma Some and Waylon discuss how boys can become gentlemen (for more on becoming a woman—which doesn’t seem to be Waylon or Malidoma’s area of expertise—see Dr. Judith Simmer-Brown’s interview on the Feminine Principle). Also discussed: how racial tension can actually be helpful, and whether there’s a place for age-old spiritual wisdom in the modern world.