This is a letter I wrote breaking up with my arch-nemesis, Depression. If you’ve ever suffered from depression or known someone who has then please read this. ~ EA
I am tired of you.
Despite the amount of time we spend together, you are not my friend and I do not love you.
You do not make me feel good about myself, and I have grown weary of the control you have over me. For many years, you have held me back from doing so many things that I have needed and wanted to do—and from fully being the person I’ve wanted to be.
My friends and family never liked you or the effect you’ve had on me. I always act differently with them when you are around, and because of that…I fear I pushed them all away.
The problem is that you are just too clingy. No one else is like you. Sadness will come and go, anger can make short visits and loneliness is around from time to time…but none of them ever overstay their welcome. You, on the other hand, seem to always be here. No matter where I go, what I do…there you are. And on the rare occasion when I have been able to sneak away without you noticing, you follow me, like a stalker watching every move I make from across the street or across a room—just waiting for the perfect moment to grab ahold and force yourself onto me.
Sure, there are plenty of reasons why we might have been attracted to each other in the beginning. Over the years I’ve had bad luck, I’ve gotten the raw end of a lot of deals, and times have no doubt been difficult…but you saw my reluctant attraction to you as an opportunity to take advantage of me in my most vulnerable state.
Obviously, I saw something in you that gave me some sort of perverse comfort. Perhaps it was because it seemed as if you were the only one there for me or who understood what I was going through? Regardless, just like most abusive relationships, once we were an item, your psychological manipulation made it nearly impossible for me to break the habit of you.
The bottom line here is that I need to end our relationship. I need you to pack your baggage and be gone by tomorrow.
And once you’ve gone, I don’t want to hear from you again. Do you understand? Don’t call…don’t write…because I won’t miss you and won’t want you back. I might think about our time together on occasion, but it will either be in quiet reflection, or loud celebration of your absence from my life—it will not be in wishing you were still here with me. That will never happen.
If I see you from across a crowded room, I will ignore you. If I see you watching me from outside my window, I will call someone to report you and ask for help.
You may be wondering what brought this about? See, I used to spend a lot of time with happiness before you came around. And I’ve been thinking about happiness a lot lately and how much I miss it. And the truth is that I want to get back together with happiness. Happiness made me feel good about myself, and in turn taught me how to make others feel good. Happiness gave me the energy to do the things I need to survive. We used to go outside, play and smile together a lot. We shared common interests and had a lot of friends. Happiness inspired me. We created works of art and made beautiful music together.
But I have become so dependent on you, that I have often wondered if happiness would ever take me back. This is ridiculous, of course, because happiness is always open and available to anyone who knows where to truly find it. However, I do know with some certainty that happiness won’t take me back as long as you and I are still together.
I deserve happiness. And with you out of my way, happiness and I will hopefully enjoy a long and fruitful life together.
Look—I know that to you, this may seem sudden…but for me this has been a long time coming. I am sure that you will make all kinds of excuses about why you can’t just up and leave on a moment’s notice. But if you are not gone by tomorrow, then just know that I will ask you to leave again and again—and I will keep doing so until you get the message.
May all beings who also suffer at your hands find the inner strength to allow kindness, gentleness and compassion to light the darkest corners of their minds, warm their lonely hearts and give them the bravery and confidence to tell you in no uncertain terms, as I tell you now:
Goodbye depression. I am moving forward with my life.