Dalai Lama loses his cool. {April Fools Edition}

Via elephant journal
on Apr 1, 2010
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Warning: the below is graphic, but the Dalai Lama didn’t actually say these words…the below quotes came through his translator, and are just the closest approximation we can make.

Yesterday the Dalai Lama appears to have lost his cool in line at Starbucks. He appears to have just put up with too much bullsh*t, for too long.

While troubling, this incident comes as further proof that we’re all human—none of us are gods, which backs up Buddhism’s view regarding non-theism.

So I’m in line at Starbucks. Got a long day working the peace angle so I want my vanilla latte. The line is long and some yuppie is dithering up front about whether to get a scone or a muffin or something.

And then I get this news alert on my iPhone, you know, about China calling me the devil and saying I dared to want independence for my people.

And I was like, what? I’ve talked about working with China peacefully, Tibet remaining a part of China for like 40 years!? Jesus.

And then I’m finally up front and the waitress barista lady gets my drink fucked up. I was like, gaddamn, I get the same gaddham chai piece of @^&@&@ !I!(!*@&# every [email protected]*!*((#&$ morning, !)!(*#*#*>?! And she was like, ahahaha, I thought you were Buddhist and peaceful. So I give her the peace sign minus one finger and I said [email protected]#*&!&@^@^ you!

You know, I’m kind of a big deal. At least get me my drink right, you know?











…Happy April Fools’ Day!



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47 Responses to “Dalai Lama loses his cool. {April Fools Edition}”

  1. ashdyogi says:

    This is awesome becuase I got wrote up at work for something simalir shows that everyone looses their cool from time to time.. and its OK.. Just nee to be more aware of who you are talking to and who is listening. xoxo ash

  2. Tenzin says:

    Not funny at all.

  3. Greg says:

    Here's what is funny. We mourn the loss of freedom of the Tibetan people. We mourn the murder and torture and exile of the Buddhist leaders.

    And yet we elect a president who hires close advisers, such as Anita Dunn, who go out in public and praise Chairman Mao. We bemoan the consequences of corrupt, totalitarian government at the same time we put those elements in our government and celebrate them as hope and change. How funny is that?

  4. Greg says:

    Guess the lesson is that every day is April Fool's day in politics.

  5. Katy says:

    Tenzin, you have no idea what you're talking about. Get a sense of humor, sheesh!

  6. http://www.facebook.com/elephantjournal :
    Eike Armbrust and 5 others like this.

    elephantjournal on fire today!



    Not funny at all.

    Sorry, Tenzin, remember it's good to make fun of "sacred cows," my Buddhist teacher encourage us to make fun of him, and ourselves!

  7. bubba says:

    Very funny, very funny indeed–Ah! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Haaaaaaaaaaaa! LOL!!!!!

  8. More comments from Facebook:

    Hm…I dunno, I don't see the point of this.

    The point is that it's April Fool's day: one day to make fun of conventional wisdom and everything we hold dear. The point is to both make fun of the Chinese Communist line on the Dalai Lama, a wonderful example of human peace in the face of adversity, and to make fun of the caricature of the Dalai Lama as an inhumanly happy, peaceful "Simple Monk."

    But you knew that?

  9. Sounds like you oughta write an article for ele..!

  10. Catrina says:

    ohh yeah! the elephant stomp!

    This is a laugh my ass of funny thought!

    It is so true. We totally hold people in this place that we think they belong and if they fall out of character we make a huge deal about it. The truth is that anyone who is real has emotions and can choose to use them appropriately when ever and how ever they want. Only amazing people can do this by choice and with aweareness and maybe even for the benefit of someone.

    I know a saint that is a bundle of love and joy most of the time but if he feels that you will benefit from a jolt of harsh words once in a while, he wont hesitate to do it cause he loves you.

    I have started to believe more and more that everyone, no matter what they do is acting only out of love. Maybe their love is in the "wrong" place but its still love. When we take it at that, who cares what anyone says or does? Its all a big game of life!

  11. Greg says:

    Who me? I thought you were trying to build readership not decimate it! lol

  12. Greg says:

    Waiting for the April Fool's day article chronicling how Google has named the Dalai Lama as their new CEO of Chinese operations.

  13. Waylon Lewis says:

    Do it to it, Greg! Dialogue is great, choir is not!

  14. Sarah says:

    Yeah, that wasn't funny at all, it was a waste of my time to read that and I am removing this from my Facebook.

  15. integralhack says:

    I hope this is an April Fools joke, Greg. Dunn's actual comment was not condoning Mao's leadership.It is just another quote taken out of context. McCain has also quoted Mao. Bush has recommended Mao's biography as reading material. Of course, I guess they did move toward a more totalitarian state (thanks, Patriot Act!), so I guess it fits.

    Of course, for my taste I would have things move a little more to the left. Obama is proving to be fairly conservative in his politics–I still admire the dude though.

  16. Dana says:

    It's things like this that make me have little respect for Elephant Journal. Not funny at all.

  17. Man. Some readers have a serious lacking in the humor department. Not even a polite giggle?

  18. Thanks for the clarification, IH.

  19. Sorry to lose you. April Fool's day is the one day we make fun of our ideas—that enlightened people are perfect (they're not, in the Buddhist tradition they're still viewed as human), or that His Holiness would even go to Starbucks…if you read the above at all carefully, you'll see there's a lot of real politics and frustration evoked that is current, and accurate, in the Tibetan community.

    The Onion, I'll always remember, didn't avoid 9/11. No, weren't not the Onion, but we can be inspired by them.

    But for one day of the year, we will talk about serious issues with irreverence, and fun. We all should.

    Again, elephant doesn't care to have the agreement of our readers—we're not a choir. If you'd like to write about your opinions, however different they are or even critical of ele, you're always more than welcome to do so, it'd be my honor. Try me.

    Or, quit and find a forum that agrees with you all the time.

  20. If we posted such on April 2, I'm with you. Given that this was April Fool's Day, we can all occasionally laugh at what we hold dear—doesn't mean we disrespect it.

  21. Daniela says:

    To me having a sense of humour is a sign of sanity! :))) When we take ourselves and our passions too seriously our mind shrinks… we loose all clarity, we fall out of Love and of our Radiance… And sctually all the great Lamas I had the chance to meet had an incredible sense of humour and lightness of heart… They're a great example 🙂 LOVE TO ALL!

  22. Erin King says:

    Effin' hilarious!

    Totally reminds me of when everyone was up in arms about the Gary Larson cartoon that made fun of Jane Goodall. Turns out, she loved it and asked to used the image as a fundraiser for the Jane Goodall institute.

    People, I will say this…never underestimate the sense of humor in your icons.

  23. barbara says:

    yeah, but gary larson is funny. this, on the other hand, didn’t evoke even a small giggle. just because it’s april fool’s doesn’t automatically mean that your april fool’s joke is funny?! yes, i understand: if you see the buddha on the road, kill him…but this is just ‘meh’. using ‘fuck’ alot doesn’t automatically equal humour. portraying the dalai lama as an irate starbucks customer could be very very funny, but it doesn’t work here, in my humble opinion. nice try, though:)

  24. apimom says:

    If this is your idea of entertainment or fun even on April 1 it shows the general level of people you wish to cater to. What a disgusting way to feel entertained. Everytime I try to find some shred of intelligent article on elephant journal I manage to be disappointed again. Thankfully lately the headlines alone turn me off.

    Cements my decision to delete this website from my favourites. What a collection of useless articles and that pertains also to the endless stream of Anusara related "news". Enough already!

    What bothers me most about it that thisw ebsite tries to be Yoga related. This must be the farthest from even a general Western idea of Yoga.

  25. Yeah, man, I was there too. His Holiness cut in front of me too! I was all like, "Hey!" But his monk buddies looked at me and I shut up. I've seen 'Crouching Tiger'…

    Heh, thanks for that. It's a good reminder that the last obstacle to god is god. Or at least your attachment to your image of god.

    The right to laugh at, and deconstruct, our objects of worship shouldn't be limited to just April 1.

  26. Lakshmi says:

    Ewww….just ewww.

  27. Lakshmi says:

    yes, sacred cow! This just seems like it could hurt people's feelings. While the Dalai Lama may be able to laugh with you, his devotees may not. But that doesn't mean that they are somehow less enlightened than you. They are bhaktas. You see, it's ok to make fun of your own family , but if someone else does it, it pisses you off. Maybe this would have worked if this was being said by the Dalai Lama's "anger translator" a la Key and Peele.

  28. nonamenoform says:

    Adolescent and totally unnecessary. Nothing lacking in my sense of humor but do have some taste. This is tasteless and really just adolescent. Discernment is a spiritual tool that serves well in all realms not just on the pursuit of spiritual "enlightenment". Let's get that muscle flexing.

  29. elephantjournal says:

    Each to his or her own, anonymous friend. From my vantage point, the notion that "spiritual" Buddhists are human is a profound one, and not adolescent at all: non-theism is a profound and subtle foundation to the Buddhadharma. Oh, and a sense of humor, too.

  30. meghan says:

    Offensive … you just undermined your entire site with this garbage.

    I'd read the Onion for free if I wanted this

  31. phathed says:

    thanks, that was seriously funny. it's april fools day….let's have some fun. the point here is to gently mock the average person's level of stress and aggression vs the dalai lama. laugh up folks, it's healthy!

  32. Jen says:

    April fools awesomeness . It is so funny how important today is to reminder ourselves to lighten up!!!

  33. Mother Mae says:

    April fools joke or no, we are all human. Refreshing to say the least! No one is perfect, enlightenment comes in flashes and waves, we all have failings. Lighten up!

  34. Ele losing credibility? says:

    “Ele losing credibility” it just may be the next article headline posted here.
    Is it under new management or something?
    I’m so tired of opening articles and being disappointed by its contents.
    (I knew opening this one was an April’s fool thing but was curious where it would go, and it went in the toilet)

  35. michelle q says:

    elephantjournal.com, if you are listening, i am curious about something. do articles that tend to make people angry or irritated, or generally stirred up in a somewhat negative fashion also tend to be the more popular articles in terms of the number of comments, thumbs-ups, and thumbs-downs and general time spent by your beautiful patrons (like me) perusing? i guess what i am asking is, is there a significant relationship between negative reactions and popularity? possibly suggesting that humans may in some way like anger and negative emotions? i notice for better or for worse, for myself, i do indeed feel drawn to debate, disagreement, and at times, some sporty mudslinging. this may be a glaringly obvious fact already proven by science, etc, but rather than being the brightest bulb in the drawer, i tend to be more of a candle-in-the-wind type. so i am asking. if so, i'm kinda interested in writing about this topic. how can i convince you guys to consider a simple gal without any writing credentials to write something for your publication? perhaps i could resend along some of the comments i've left on your page to some of the articles that… well… irritated me enough to comment… the comment i left on the pistorius article of 'why we thirst for blood' is probably my magnum opus. spent a lot of time writing and contemplating on that one.

  36. AndrewPaciocco says:


    It's a joke on April Fools, blasphemy!
    Fuck this site and their infinite styles and variety of articles because there's one I don't like!

    Sillyness my friends (:

  37. AndrewPaciocco says:

    Michelle, anyone can write an article. I do mean anyone. I have the writing ability of a third grader and I've got an article posted ;p There's guidelines here, http://www.elephantjournal.com/write/ they aren't as bad as they look and you can email it in. Then one of the lovely staff will proof it and let you know. Easy as cake and even more healthy (:

  38. Cliff says:

    Two thumbs down. Just my opinion.

  39. MichelleQuinlan says:

    thank you andrew!

  40. Evan Upchurch says:

    Love it. It's a reminder that we all tend to take ourselves a little too seriously. As Aldous Huxley said in his book, Island:

    It’s dark because you are trying too hard.
    Lightly child, lightly. Learn to do everything lightly.
    Yes, feel lightly even though you’re feeling deeply.
    Just lightly let things happen and lightly cope with them.

    I was so preposterously serious in those days, such a humorless little prig.
    Lightly, lightly – it’s the best advice ever given me.
    When it comes to dying even. Nothing ponderous, or portentous, or emphatic.
    No rhetoric, no tremolos,
    no self conscious persona putting on its celebrated imitation of Christ or Little Nell.
    And of course, no theology, no metaphysics.
    Just the fact of dying and the fact of the clear light.

    So throw away your baggage and go forward.
    There are quicksands all about you, sucking at your feet,
    trying to suck you down into fear and self-pity and despair.
    That’s why you must walk so lightly.
    Lightly my darling,
    on tiptoes and no luggage,
    not even a sponge bag,
    completely unencumbered.”

  41. bruce says:

    It was funny, sorta. Not LOL material. A little overkill. It’s not in bad enough taste to unsubscribe, not good enough humour to share. It’s a shame that some people have a bug (or two) up their asses about reverence/irreverence to HHDLXIV. Kinda missing the point in life being all fixed in thought and belief and deifying.

    I don’t believe Ele is here to get it right for everyone all the time, but evidently those readers/subscribers you’ve lost because of ‘such poor taste’ thought Ele would please them endlessly, no? Such painful expectations; a micro expression of their own experience. Such fragile bubbles pop, inevitably. Spirituality/theism becomes the last bastion of hope for the blind and offended and woe betide any of you who buggers about with their fragility.

    I did like one comment above about how they’re so tired of opening articles and being disappointed by the content. I hope they don’t have a facebook account :-/ Why don’t they get writing articles on whichever subjects they think would be entertaining or thought provoking and ALWAYS inoffensive to EVERYONE? Share their sense of propriety and profound insight…

    Happy AFD EJ 🙂

  42. Karen Symington Muendell says:

    Wow- you’ve started quite the shite storm. Who knew so many people would be up in arms over vanilla chai latte??

  43. Maurice Sinnett says:

    Elephant Journal just lost me. Bye Bye.

  44. elephantjournal says:

    Hi Maurice,

    Just to let you know, it's an April Fool's joke!

    – Ed.

  45. Manupupule says:

    I’ve actually met the dali lama, he is a funny guy but wouldn’t go Trump on a Barista like that.

    Funny story though lol

  46. scott says:

    One of the joys of my day may indeed be checking in here to read the comments. I guess I need to work on my Schadenfreude.
    Thank you EJ 🙂