Ten Things You Will Never Hear in Your Yoga Class.

Via Mark Kreloff
on Aug 12, 2010
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Yoga ain’t about honesty. It’s about positivity. It’s about being nice…publicly.

Here’s 10 things your favorite yoga mat neighbor or yoga teacher will never admit to.

1.  “Ann Coulter showed me this posture.”

2.  “Didja know McDonald’s is bringing back the McRib sandwich this week?”

3.  “Cool tattoo….I’ve never seen the ‘Ring of Swimming Dolphins’ before.”

4.  “Isn’t this the gay-naked-hot-yoga class?”

5.  “Everybody hold your postures…this is an effing robbery!”

6.  “Would you mind moving? I can’t see myself in the mirror.”

7.  “Let me be frank: I became a yoga teacher to hook up with hot girls.”

8.  “Wanna go hunting this weekend? Psyched.”

9.  “Sarah Palin.”

10.  “It was me. I farted.”

Bonus round: what else?


About Mark Kreloff

Mark Kreloff is an entrepreneur in Boulder, Colorado. He started his yoga practice 10 years ago with a “donation only” class in Santa Monica taught by Bryan Kest. To this day, it was the best class he has ever taken in his life.


31 Responses to “Ten Things You Will Never Hear in Your Yoga Class.”

  1. Lee-Anne says:

    #6…someone actually asked me to move so that she could be in front of the mirror once…

  2. mark says:

    i thought i heard that one…..sorry 🙂

  3. Tamara says:

    11. "do these yoga pants make my butt look fat?"

  4. elephantjournal says:

    #11: "It's Super Bowl Sunday, tomorrow, so there will be no classes…"

  5. mark says:

    ha! good one.

  6. mark says:


  7. mariavlong says:

    You are just lovely. I will howl through out the day whenever I recall reading this…

  8. YogiOne says:

    With regard to 1, 2, 8 and 9, you obviously haven't done much yoga in Texas.

  9. indrasingh says:

    i love this!! thanks for sharing

  10. Tara S says:

    "I love your pedicure!" hahaha

  11. mara says:

    how about "i've had just about enough of this ^%$#@ *#@!*&^" then crack a beer and exit through the fire escape.

  12. Brad says:

    Instead we'll be having a superbowl party in the studio – big screen TV, hotdogs, chips, beer, the works.

  13. Lucas P says:

    awesome! 🙂

  14. Lucas P says:

    "ah man you know what would be a great idea!? smokers lounge yoga studio!"
    "speaking of inversions whos down for a keg stand!?"

  15. Leigha says:

    the ann coulter one made me guffaw. good stuff.

  16. Don says:

    heard in a yoga class: "what do I do with my boy parts"

  17. I_provocateur says:

    11) Mark, please focus on YOUR bandhas, not the girls' in front of you.


  18. ARCreated says:

    sarah palin made me cry.

    11) I had a hard time parking my H2.

  19. candicegarrett says:

    I've actually heard #8 and I'm not from Texas.

  20. Jackie says:

    This looks like a Natalie Dee comic? If so, perhaps she'd like a credit for it? If not, you should check her out anyways- -www.nataliedee.com

  21. […] a regular and somewhat irreverent contributor [Mark's being modest—his posts are controversial, funny, and wildly popular. ~ ed.] to Elephant […]

  22. […] between my days in bed and my nights on the porch I managed to get to a yoga class or two. I would lay there in bed deliberating upon whether it was worth it to even get up, if […]

  23. Jalil72 says:


  24. cathy says:

    happened to me more than once.. I practiced 570 classes in 2 years, now into my third year of intense stay with it practice

  25. cathywaveyoga says:

    I've been chastised before from someone whose view of herself I blocked when I put my mat down in front of her. It was a packed studio.. no other place.."you need to realize that next time. You shouldn't put you rmat… in front.."

  26. Mimi says:

    I know someone who taught a yoga class that Sarah Palin attended as a guest (in AZ, near where her daughter lives).

  27. Gina says:

    Nice! I would SO be there.

  28. kfrank says:

    The instructor asked me if her yoga pants were see-through. Then, during chair pose with prayer twist, she went up to a student and asked if their tattoo was real.

  29. Rachel says:

    I'm not sure why this is bad…. I like to focus on my posture and alignment during poses…. is this a no no?

  30. sheilapierson says:

    …or Tennessee!

  31. Melina says:

    Funny. I like the let me be frank part. 🙂