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September 7, 2010

Learning to Say Goodbye. ~Alex Proaps

The below is shared via our friend Alex Proaps:

One year later: Time heals all wounds

I honor the place in you in which the entire Universe dwells. I honor the place in you which is of Love, of Integrity, of Wisdom and of Peace. When you are in that place in you and I am in that place in me, we are One. Namasté. – Ram Dass

Letting go

On July 4th, 2009, my grandmother made the decision to end the treatments that were keeping her alive.  In all seriousness – let’s face what no one likes to talk about – she was not “living” anymore. She stopped grasping at the possibility of life in the future and embraced the life she’d already lived.  Her withering body was no longer able to carry the brave, vibrant, amazing woman inside.  She knew she would die in seven to fifteen days without dialysis.  It wasn’t that she’d given up and it wasn’t that Multiple Myeloma had beaten her.  As the saying goes, “Letting go doesn’t mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be.”

On July 14th, 2009, we sat mostly in silence, communicating like we often did with the occasional smile, squeeze of a hand or offering of water. I knew it was one of the last times I’d be with her.  At 7pm, she started dozing, so I hugged her, said I loved her and went to yoga.  I fully relaxed my mind and body at the end of my practice.  I was emotionally exhausted, but calm and content.  Around 10pm, a nurse at the hospital called my cell phone because I was her emergency contact.  She was gone. I still to this day am so thankful for what the nurse said to comfort me: “She fell asleep and went peacefully.”

My mom and brother were arriving on July 15th at noon, so they were unable to say their final Goodbyes as they’d hoped.  On July 20th, my grandmother’s little brother (my great uncle) died in his sleep.  Timing is a strange beast, isn’t it?

For more of this article, go to Alex Proaps blog.

Alex Proaps is a full time graduate student working towards a Master’s of Science in Applied Experimental Psychology at Old Dominion University in Norfolk, Virginia. She practices Hot Yoga at the Yax family’s Hot House Yoga studios in Hampton Roads. She prefer her books to be first editions that smell a little musty.  She think everyone should see films nominated for a Best Picture Oscar. You can find more about her on her own blog The Tao of Grad School.

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