October 6, 2010

Like the corners of my mind…

Truthfully, I don’t often go back and read what I have written in the past, mostly because then I tend to want to change it, or question its viability entirely.

But every once in a great while I do, and sometimes I’m even moved by my own past self’s words…I read and think I should really listen to myself. This is one of those occasions.

This is a weird time of year for me. I love the fall, I love my birthday, but sometimes the memories are too much to bear…it’s this bitter sweet time that never ceases to teach me and to help me grow.

My sister-in-law sent me an email today; on the eve of our shared birthday and the anniversay of the death of her brother; my late husband…I thought I would share.

Partly because sharing can be so good for grieving and partly because what I had written resonates every day.  And it is interesting for me to note how long I have been “blogging” and to laugh that I used to write at three in the morning!

~ Aminda

Hi Sweetie, my Sis,

Thinking of you on the eve of our day.  Found this email from you from October 2007 as I was looking for something else.

You are a gifted writer…gifted in many things.

I hope you publish a book someday, and I will always be a free editor for you (not that you would need much).

Sending you love for the days approaching.

It feels like it will be a tough one this year as my first without mom.  I’m going to breathe a lot and give gratitude.

“Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.” ~ Dr. Seuss

Simple but helpful to me.

Love you! Na

From: Aminda Courtwright
Sent: Tuesday, October 09, 2007 3:27 AM
To: Aminda Courtwright
Subject: Tuesday Oct 9th Today’s Intention: Spaces in-between

Darkness is to space what silence is to sound; i.e., the interval.
Marshall McLuhan
Don’t be afraid of the space between your dreams and reality. If you can dream it, you can make it so.
Belva Davis


The spaces in between was born out of the day of Oct. 8th…between my birthday and the anniversary date. When Rob was taken off the machines it was a Sunday night…Friday was my birthday and coincidentally his sister Diane’s B-day as well. On that Friday they gave us some hope and we went and celebrated our birthdays with hope in our heart and a belief that Rob would be celebrating his birthday come December 31st…Alas the space in between saw a less than positive outcome and that one day of hope was to be all we were given – but that moment was sweet.  And again this year I feel like the 8th is a gift – a place to breathe, a transition from one anniversary to the next and the beauty of what bookends that day is not lost on me. Celebrating birth, marking death – how perfect is the cycle of life.  I really loved the 8th when Rob was alive too as for a short time period I was “older” than him — the space in between.

The same thought crosses my mind on New Year’s eve – Rob’s birthday passing as the old year dies and a new one is rung in…the cycle continues and the spaces in between is where life happens.  So today for your own yoga practice, think about the spaces in between, the transitions – the birth of one asana and it’s subsequent death – the perfect symmetry of beginnings and endings.

Today’s Mantra: inhale: begin exhale: end

Today’s Asana: No specific Asana – practice and you will and work on making the transitions a fluid part of each asana wherein the beauty of cycles becomes the practice where ending and beginning flow so seamlessly together that birth and death are one in the same…and what a peaceful release that realization is.

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