All I Really Need is a Good F**k & Someone to Pick Me Up at the Airport.

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I’m single for the first time in 25 years.

Bonus: The Best Marriage Advice from a Divorced Man.

I now see that most of the things I wanted from my relationships are actually things I can do for myself. After my divorce two years ago, I panicked at the idea of setting up my own Wi-fi system, cleaning the gutters, and finding help moving furniture.

The truth is that doing these things, or getting help doing them, has been easy.

Even hiring a handyman to fix the occasional faucet leak has been far less expensive than staying in my tragically outworn relationships. Single for the first time since I was seventeen, I suddenly realize that I need just two things from a partner: a slow, deeply connected, open-hearted, rapturous f*ck, and someone to pick me up at the airport.

Of course when my plane arrives I could catch a bus—or even hire a car service if it’s that important to me (and for some reason it is). But in this one case I love to be met by someone who is genuinely ecstatic to see me. It’s really the same thing as the f*ck. I can do it myself, and that’s fine and all. But there is something about being done”by the apple of your eye that’s, well, different.

Accepting that there are only two things I am missing by being alone takes the pressure off of getting into another relationship. I can make the money that I want, I can set up my own Wi-fi (as it turns out), I can get deeply restorative massages from people who actually want to give them, and I can dine and dance with friends who don’t stand me up 50% of the time. Realizing that I am pretty self-sufficient even softens the blow of losing my last rapturous relationship. In fact, it makes me take another hard look at why I stayed so long through the rollercoaster of ups and downs.

And there were a lot of downs.

Don’t get me wrong; the sex and airport pickups were often so good that every other problem paled in comparison. That was why it was so hard to leave, actually. But now, in the light of day, I realize that missing these two things is surprisingly manageable—and more than worth what I had to give up to get them. In fact, I haven’t lost the love of my life; I am not lonely; and I am certainly not abandoned without resources. Actually, it’s just the opposite. I have gained everything that I lost by being in relationship.

So as I imagine my next rapturous rendezvous, I realize that it could be quite different. It could be free of a lot of baggage—free of being a reference point for my sense of self and security, my fulfillment, and my whole future. I now envision a relationship in which I look deeply into my beloved’s eyes and say sincerely, “Dearest, I adore you, and I don’t need anything from you. Except two things…”

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anonymous Apr 6, 2016 12:20pm

I read this a while back when you first wrote it…I liked it then and still do now…I’m pretty sure you wrote it somewhat tongue in cheek..but it still resonated with me…I’m 5 yrs out of a very complicated marriage in which I paid a huge price to stay in .. I used to think that “staying” was a superpower of mine..I don’t believe that anymore..I’ve discovered that learning to honor yourself is a far more rewarding.. After all…what do we really need beyond that. 🙂

anonymous Sep 9, 2015 1:25am

Articles like these that influence mindsets need deep introspection. It's heartening that women are being able to exercise choices finally and developing a sense of self that excludes the male approval. But I wonder, do women have to sound exactly the same as men in the process of discovering their individuality? A Man would say "All I Really Need is a Good F**k & Someone to Cook A Sumptuous Meal". Shoudn't evolution of our spirituality, make us stronger in building relationships rather than making them feel like burdens? Shouldn't we gain awareness and a greater control over our senses to bring understanding and attraction into our relationship that is not just skin deep? But maybe it will take a few decades or a century of role reversals for that balance to happen. Till then its time for chaos 😉

anonymous Jul 17, 2015 12:50am

very liberating to hear. But does that make him feel ?

anonymous Jul 13, 2015 5:55pm

Exceptional article!

anonymous Jun 8, 2015 7:09pm

YES!!!! PLEASE!!

anonymous May 16, 2015 4:18pm

This piece was written 4 years ago, Ms. Luce is most likely in a different place now emotionally, but time and space notwithstanding, here are my thoughts to the recent re-post of this article on Facebook… She suggests that the driving force behind getting into “…tragically outworn relationships” was not some type of emotional bond, but rather to tend to mundane tasks – like fixing the occasional pesky faucet leak or setting up wi-fi – that post-divorce, is now delegated to handymen.

The Good news … she’ll find no shortage of short-lived suitors who’ll gladly pick her up from wherever she’s running from or to… as long as they don’t have to deal with the baggage she’s carrying – either real or metaphorical – in exchange for no-strings sex.

I feel actually jealous that these are the only things missing from her life is rapturous sex and taxi service, but I’m not quite sure amazing sex is the panacea for what’s truly missing… Only she knows that.

Travel light faire maiden.

Louis

    anonymous Feb 11, 2016 9:53pm

    Yes, I admit that I am just shallow and looking for sex and someone to tend to mundane tasks. Truth be told, that particular relationship yielded this penultimate gift: take the clothes out of the dryer quickly and fold them before they wrinkle. That was a wonderful take-away. Thank you for you condescending and presumptuous estimation of what is truly missing for me. You may have missed the humor and sarcasm of the original post, but only you would know that. Travel light, young lad!

anonymous Dec 7, 2014 5:15pm

Right on!

anonymous Dec 4, 2014 8:42am

Fabulous !!

anonymous Oct 19, 2014 5:36am

I can get deeply restorative massages from people who actually want to give them, and I can dine and dance with friends who don’t stand me up 50% of the time.

anonymous Oct 18, 2014 8:40pm

Perfect!!!!

anonymous Jul 15, 2014 11:54pm

If only! Tempting to think about.

anonymous Jul 13, 2014 1:07pm

Amen Sistah!

anonymous Jun 14, 2014 11:10pm

AMEN SISTER!!!

anonymous Feb 1, 2014 4:21am

Absolutely spot on – became single at the age of 55 having never lived alone in my life. Six years later – I am content and just finished fixing a clogged drain and tightened up all my cabinet knobs. I hire out the big stuff. Your title – perfect!

anonymous Jan 31, 2014 9:59pm

It’s SUPERNICE to hear that some women could want to enjoy sex without trying to get me to wed them for life- and this article is a joy to read. But I’ll check my self next time I want to lay my life down for someone who doesn’t appreciate but two things.. 😉

anonymous Jan 31, 2014 9:05pm

Having just left a controlling marriage where I lost myself… such a perfect read…. a good little chuckle and a lot of ah hahs! Thank you!!! 🙂 x

anonymous Jan 31, 2014 8:34pm

Me too!

anonymous Jan 31, 2014 7:51pm

Awesome article!!! I want these two things too!!

anonymous Jan 31, 2014 7:41pm

As a divorced woman this last year,after 20 years of a very challenging marriage, this was JUST what I needed to read today. Thank you!

anonymous Dec 27, 2013 4:28pm

'Even hiring a handyman to fix the occasional faucet leak …' http://www.fifer.info

anonymous Dec 27, 2013 9:45am

This is exactly how I feel, too!!!

anonymous Dec 27, 2013 3:06am

This reminds me that when I started paying my x-GF for sex our relationship became the best it ever was. Somehow it seems like the same thing here.

anonymous Dec 26, 2013 10:39pm

First – I do think the title is fabulous, however…

I feel that articles like this diminish the depth of a true partnership and all of its incredible magic.

It's ok to want it all, and have it all…….people become afraid of not receiving what they need and begin to develop an almost unhealthy sense of independence. Sure, if you must, if I must, we can all do it all alone……..but is that what we really desire? To be in a partnership, yet, do most of it alone?

"Can" is one thing…desire, and need are others. And nature….its our nature to come together, to uplift one another, and no, we do not NEED it, but that is the whole point…to LEARN how to be together, in all forms of relationship. This hyper independence stuff just doesn't fully appeal ………………is that really what we want? more separation? I think we need more connection…the kind that is grounded, unafraid and genuine…and that makes us even better versions of ourselves. There is nothing wrong with that. We are human, and we are here together for a reason.

    anonymous Aug 3, 2014 11:01am

    Excellent and well written and thoughtful reply Nicole!

anonymous Dec 26, 2013 10:02pm

this is so, so wonderful.

anonymous Dec 11, 2013 5:59pm

I'll pick you up at SFO any day, or night..

anonymous Dec 5, 2013 9:49pm

This is spot on. Pun intended…

anonymous Dec 5, 2013 7:56pm

Great post.
However, being an ESL person – what does this term mean: "being done" by the apple of your eye ?

    anonymous Dec 6, 2013 11:08pm

    When someone you adore (the apple of your eye) takes the strong lead in sexually loving and arousing you (being done).

anonymous Dec 5, 2013 12:25pm

yes ! my thoughts exactly !

anonymous Dec 5, 2013 11:42am

such a delightful read! 🙂

anonymous Dec 5, 2013 11:31am

This is just amazing :). In addition to those 2 things, I have realized that I need an additional one – loving text message waking me up every morning :).

    anonymous Dec 5, 2013 3:06pm

    Nicely said! And so good to know what we want 🙂

anonymous Oct 8, 2013 9:45pm

Good article. I agree. Except all I really need is a ride to the airport. I'll pass on that other.

anonymous Oct 5, 2013 9:27pm

I totally get what you are writing here, and found it uplifting and humorous! Thanks!

It can be very difficult being a single female adult, people are always coming at me trying to “fix my situation”, meanwhile I am finding so much freedom and passion in life when I can be moved by my own desires. Bad relationships for women tend to often be suppressive in nature I find, and when we break up people often respond by giving negative cautionary statements. I refuse to listen to negativity from people anymore about my biological clock or aging beauty or whatever. It’s my life to live, and I don’t regret following my heart.

And as for the f***ing, it’s a 2 way street with your partner, so you get out of it what you choose to. Nothing wrong with ravenous passionate intimacy or cheap sex. And for those of you that are married (or otherwise) who find this statement offensive, id like to say this is a personal choice, and you’ve already made yours.

Thank you for your article!!

    anonymous Oct 7, 2013 10:02pm

    No problem here with the two-way street: meaning being available for both a "slow, deeply connected, open-hearted, rapturous f*ck" and picking up at the airport (and totally delighted to see them). I'm not sure what cheap sex is but I seem to love and advocate for the deep intimacy kind. Thanks, Crystal!

anonymous Aug 24, 2013 10:05pm

I am not sure what is most disturbing: female celebration of using a man for sex and services or the demographic celebrating it. If it were a man celebrating using a woman for sex and services, especially on the tail of picking an incompatible partner and/or being utterly lacking in intimacy skills, he would be skewered. But a woman? Not that. Instead, it's loved. My daughter is correct: people do not build real relationships any more. it is me who is the anachronism.

    anonymous Aug 25, 2013 1:27am

    The analogy you suggest (of a man posting a similar response to relationships) would have to be quite different actually—and to compare them as though they are the same is a mistake. A man would need to embrace the opposite of the stereotype, as I do in the article—meaning that he would have to contemplate something like "All I Really Want is a Deeply Committed Relationship And to Please My Partner at My Own Expense."

    The article is not about using men for sex and service, rather it is a humorous piece about women facing the reality of what we are trading in the hopes of getting exactly those things. What if we didn't need you? But maybe wanted you. That would be a game-changer, and that's what I am about.

    anonymous Jul 13, 2015 5:36am

    I was thinking the same thing myself, Ken. What an incredibly narcissistic, short-sighted, and cynical view of relationships. If it were a man writing this, readers would be calling for his head. Instead they’re saying “You go girl!” & making come-ons. It’s an expression of pain, but a rather crooked and dishonest one.

anonymous Aug 24, 2013 8:50am

That you know you can be alone and not be lonely is lovely. Loving and liking yourself is important. Be your biggest fan. Awesome! However, I could've done without the glib attitude towards love, sex, etc. These things are pretty darn important and pivotal to our well being. Babies who aren't held (even if fed, changed, etc.) will die. Humans need other humans. Granted that doesn't mean it has to be in a sexual way, but sex is nonetheless a very spiritual and soul nourishing thing. At least it can and should be. Orgasms are cheap. Being vulnerable enough to achieve real intimacy… that's a miracle.

    anonymous Aug 24, 2013 1:00pm

    Thanks, Lisa. Yes, it is a humorous piece and not intended to advocate for cheap sex. What's both illuminating and funny to me is looking at the extreme opposite of what I had been doing. Also, I do say (and mean) a deep and open-hearted f*ck. That could never fall into the "cheap sex" category for me; it would have to include vulnerability and intimacy or it would be missing on both counts. Thank you for your comment!

anonymous Aug 24, 2013 6:44am

So glad this came up in my newsfeed today. Just what I needed to hear as I navigate through "discussions" with a loved one. Thank you.

anonymous Aug 24, 2013 5:38am

When I was contemplating my divorce, I couldn't leave because of the heavy furniture.. (how would I move it???), and the fact that my car was always breaking down, and my husband would rescue me. My therapist told me .. "It's cheaper to call AAA."
Two Men and A Truck, and AAA.
I LOVE your article. LOVE it.

    anonymous Aug 24, 2013 12:57pm

    EXACTLY! I have been astonished to see how common this thinking is, especially among women (and obviously myself). Two Men and a Truck has been fabulous for me, btw. Totally helpful, worth money and no strings attached.

anonymous Aug 24, 2013 1:42am

Come to Boston and I'll pick you up at the airport! 😉

    anonymous Aug 24, 2013 3:50pm

    You have no idea how many offers I have gotten!

      anonymous Aug 24, 2013 5:24pm

      How about that!? I have 500 hours of personal development training at least…Google my name and call me…I'm in Denver regularly.

        anonymous Aug 25, 2013 2:21am

        You may be missing the independence part in the piece. Not actually looking, and blessings to you.

anonymous Jan 16, 2013 5:00am

I would be glad to oblige 🙂
Its refreshing not to see the truth hidden behind words of desperation.

anonymous Apr 14, 2012 10:57pm

That is so true! Love it!

anonymous Feb 23, 2012 9:01pm

Hi Kristin, you seem to love the word rapturous 🙂 you say that a lot 🙂
from the point of view of a girl who has been single for quite some time I totally get it.
and it's true, sometimes there's so much to gain by 'losing a rapturous relationship' as you put it 🙂

anonymous Feb 23, 2012 11:20am

I am certain i have said the exact same words before soul sista!’m with you…we can do our lives just fine on our own should we be…Also,i’m for not wiping pee off the bowl, re-washing dishes or having to share the bed all the time! thanks for putting out such frank and hu-woman stuff.
A

anonymous Feb 22, 2012 8:51pm

so you wrote this almost a year ago, tell me , have you found that person yet? Curious minds want to know!!!! – Alexa M.

    anonymous Feb 22, 2012 9:34pm

    Several, actually! Thanks. 🙂

anonymous Dec 10, 2011 12:14pm

Sounds liberating and interesting. The language doesn’t sound very in line with what I would expect to hear from someone who has studies buddhist psychology though.

    anonymous Dec 14, 2011 7:27am

    It's true, I'm a maverick. I just enjoy the humor of it 🙂

anonymous Oct 14, 2011 6:56am

[…] take risks. Don’t love anyone. Don’t speak your mind. Stay in a job you hate. Stay in a relationship that hurts. It’s easier to stay than to go, but it will cost you dearly. Playing it safe has the added […]

anonymous Jun 25, 2011 12:52am

I think I wrote this article! LOVE it. My thoughts, exactly!

anonymous Jun 6, 2011 5:16pm

[…] […]

anonymous Jun 1, 2011 1:16pm

[…] in our relationship, my last boyfriend confessed that he wasn’t sure whether he could be with me because, frankly, he thought he was […]

anonymous May 2, 2011 3:17pm

[…] Researchers conducted a study to determine what effect, if any, oral contraceptives have on female libido. […]

anonymous Apr 20, 2011 8:39pm

This is an awesome article. Still has me thinking. Is what I think I want what I really want, or is it something I adopted from this crazy world ?

anonymous Apr 18, 2011 2:58am

after reading that I will love my wife evan more!

anonymous Apr 16, 2011 4:15pm

[…] afternoon at the farmer’s market with Cute Boy than with my Friend Sue. Sue may be funnier, but there’s a chance Cute Boy and I can get it on. Or if that example doesn’t speak to you, a lot of […]

anonymous Apr 15, 2011 3:22pm

I will pick you up at the airport anytime.

anonymous Apr 15, 2011 9:38am

Sistah!

anonymous Apr 10, 2011 8:31pm

Really enjoying your writing and your images, Kristin. Keep it coming!

anonymous Apr 10, 2011 2:41pm

Very funny! That intellectual ephipany that sort of bursts into one’s consciousness after the end of a long rationship cannot be described—except by you. Great article! Keep ’em coming !

anonymous Apr 8, 2011 2:18pm

Wonderfully done.! Thanks for sharing.!! 🙂

anonymous Apr 8, 2011 2:17pm

Brilliant,simple,true,it resonates for me

anonymous Apr 5, 2011 2:55pm

Wow, I feel sorry for you, the author and the person/people that feel that all they really need is a good F*** and someone to pick them up from the airport. You all are missing the essence of love and companionship. Of having a strong father for her children. If a man had written this article stating all he needed from women was a good F*** and someone to pick him up from the airport I would have been totally offended.

Why are we so afraid to say we need each other? That we need love and deep intimacy? That we need someone to laugh at our jokes, to share in the trials and tribulations of life? Someone to reflect back our character and to challenge us to be the best we can be?

To have a companion on the journey to liberation is a sacred gift; recognizing that nobody can free us, but that we can make a commitment to help one another along the way. For the way we love ourselves and each other will truly change the world.

I’m sorry you have missed out in your 25 years of relationship to not find a greater depth in your partners or perhaps in yourself. We are all in it together and the more we can share in radical honesty, the better off life will be.

I am tired of the ruthless independence and go it alone attitude of so many Americans.

Love is what you make it and love is everywhere.

Posted from high up in the Cordillera Blancas of Peru.

anonymous Apr 4, 2011 3:48pm

yes, I gave her good fvck and the pickup at the airport (and much much more); she wanted to be tops in her field and make LOTS of money. Asian Bubble: 90's–she went to Hong Kong & made a killing with something called "derivatives" and came back to the States a multi-millionaire, VP of Global Equity for a major investment bank, and owning a Manhattan penthouse. out of the blue, I got an email from her in 2008 when the financial crisis hit, of course she wasn't affected, but much to my surprise, she was pregnant and married to a "sweet, goofy" guy.

once she said I was "sweet" & "goofy" too, but she didn't believe that all I ever wanted–heart and soul–was just to be with her. how much I adored her humor and her intellect. cooking with her. the smell of her hair. she adamantly declared she'd never get married or have any kids. I wasn't her "Mr. Right" (perhaps just her "Mr. Right Now"), she simply did not want to be emotionally dependent on ANY man–her career was too important–and I respected that, even though it hurt.

but I guess she mellowed.
thanks for reminding me that emotional needs change and we need to be responsive to that…awareness is all and impermanence is the nature of all things. blessed be.

    anonymous Oct 5, 2013 7:25pm

    So beautifully said. I have a friend who has never married and one day was telling all the things she missed from having a husband. Her list read like a to-do list for a handyman. Not one mention of intimacy, love, or companionship. I would like to think this author’s comments were a bit more tongue-in-cheek than my friend’s. But, sadly, I don’t think my friend is terribly unique.

      anonymous Oct 5, 2013 7:27pm

      Sorry, Eric…my reply was meant for devamunay, the next message. Darn little smartphones…darn big fat fingers.

anonymous Apr 4, 2011 7:22am

the title made my day! the article is quite refreshing 🙂 nice one Kristin!

anonymous Apr 3, 2011 2:39pm

[…] single, thirty-something, relatively self-actualized and at the center of my universe right now are my […]

anonymous Apr 2, 2011 7:26am

I love being single and enjoying the world & people so much more now. Only thing I could use is a handyman though I’m finding I can twist a mean screwdriver. Love your article.

Happy single girls rock!

anonymous Mar 29, 2011 2:03pm

You are, well how shall I put it….um….a FUCKING ROCKSTAR!

Great post.

anonymous Mar 29, 2011 12:39am

bless your sense of humor… made me giggle in the same way my life song does ("I can see clearly now the rain has gone")

anonymous Mar 27, 2011 2:49pm

Love this, and can totally relate. I don't want to complete anyone or be completed. I want mature companionship not based
on past wounds or things I can really do for myself. Love your writing!

    anonymous Mar 27, 2011 7:09pm

    So beautifully said, thank you…
    -k

anonymous Mar 27, 2011 8:40am

This is sooooo awesome!!!! I love it!

anonymous Mar 26, 2011 10:39am

Awesome-ness:)

anonymous Mar 26, 2011 8:25am

Beautiful very nice take on the desire for other to the possible forgetting of self .Had a couple of those in my life and they wind up resentful and adversarial, when the inevitable reclaiming of myself and dignity eventually reared

anonymous Mar 26, 2011 7:28am

you literally took the words RIGHT OUT OF MY MOUTH! I love you <3 <3 <3

anonymous Mar 25, 2011 8:52am

Get out of my head! Wow. This describes EXACTLY how I feel right now after moving away from a partner of four years. It's so very scary at the beginning and then, poof, everything is okay. But I still would really love for someone to pick me up at the airport. That airport parking gets SO expensive.

anonymous Mar 25, 2011 8:19am

Amen to that Sister!!! It really is so nice to know that there is somebody out there having the same very thoughts!!! I hope I have just worked out 20 years of Karma and finally getting off the love roller coaster maybe boarding the love boat and having good weather. Hilarious, my computer crashed and I got it fixed and wondered "that wasn't so hard".
However, I was clear on what I had wanted and those were the only two things…I hadn't accounted for the other person wanting more and the more was "my energy".
However, I do caution…be careful what you wish for…you just might get it.

    anonymous Mar 25, 2011 9:48am

    LOL! Yes, on being careful for what I wish for. Thanks for your sweet post 🙂

anonymous Mar 25, 2011 5:47am

FABULOUS!!!!!!!!!!!! This made my burst out laughing on a day that I soo needed it….I loved how you put it all into perspective without the drama….I have a similar saying for when I'm experiencing an especially stressful time….You've named 1 of 3. You go girl!!!!!!!!!!!!

anonymous Mar 24, 2011 11:08pm

This reads like you cut a chunk out of your journal. Give us context, share your experience – it's much more valuable than the conclusions you drew from it. And, really? Fucking and rides are easy enough to come by. How about waking next to the person you love and seeing the world with him? Don't you miss caring about and for someone and knowing he does the same? Wonder why your relationship lasted as long as it did.

    anonymous Mar 24, 2011 11:47pm

    The piece is a bit tongue-in-cheek. Yes, I care deeply about walking with anther and knowing him, and him knowing me. I have a link to "being done" in the article, a chapter from *Passionate Marriage* which I highly recommend, that speaks to this. I know that this piece is "small,' but my feelings, like it seems yours are, are not. Thank you.

anonymous Mar 24, 2011 10:56pm

Ha! Love, love, love it. And can so relate. Beautifully written. Thank you!

anonymous Mar 24, 2011 9:03pm

Absolutely what I needed to read tonight. Thank you.

anonymous Mar 24, 2011 8:47pm

Loved this article! thanks for making me chuckle…

anonymous Mar 24, 2011 8:45pm

Love this, very true, I can relate to this article on many levels.

anonymous Mar 24, 2011 8:37pm

Wow…after just getting out of a twenty year bad marriage, you put my exact thoughts to words! So nice to know it's not just me.

    anonymous Mar 24, 2011 9:03pm

    Mine was 21 years. I *so* relate!

anonymous Mar 24, 2011 8:24pm

LOVE this article!
After a recent breakup with is exactly what I've been feeling!

anonymous Mar 24, 2011 8:19pm

Finally someone knows how I feel…

anonymous Mar 24, 2011 8:03pm

loved loved loved loved!!!!

anonymous Mar 24, 2011 7:37pm

Well, if you tell me where you live, I can start by picking you up at the airport…

anonymous Mar 24, 2011 7:36pm

Love it!

anonymous Mar 24, 2011 7:14pm

best title ever!

anonymous Mar 24, 2011 7:07pm

Damn Kristin… remind me why we don't live in the same town again? 😉
Best of luck getting what you need… my guess is it'll be as easy as finding the handyman to fix your leak. 😉

anonymous Mar 24, 2011 7:06pm

That's funny, and bravely honest, Kristin

anonymous Mar 24, 2011 7:06pm

awesome title, great writing, and beautiful message

anonymous Mar 24, 2011 7:05pm

love it!

anonymous Mar 24, 2011 7:05pm

I liked the article and loved how
Provocative a title you picked.
I look forward to more.

anonymous Mar 24, 2011 7:01pm

In a few short paragraphs, you summed up what I love about being single!

anonymous Mar 24, 2011 7:00pm

Love it! It brought a huge smile!

anonymous Mar 24, 2011 6:59pm

It was very good and funny 🙂

anonymous Mar 24, 2011 6:59pm

Yes…Amen…Kristin to this current article as I hear u deeply, what ur sharing about in this mythology…

anonymous Mar 24, 2011 6:58pm

Love it Kirstin! Keep it, er, coming

anonymous Mar 24, 2011 6:58pm

well with a title like that, how can you not love THAT!

anonymous Mar 24, 2011 6:57pm

Glad you are exploring your self-reliance, after so many years of relying on the "dream" – also appreciate how much you grew and gained from the experience, and how you are framing this "after relationship over-attachment" in such a positive, true way.

anonymous Mar 24, 2011 5:46pm

I hear you… What a great post. Love.

anonymous Mar 24, 2011 5:44pm

Fantastic read. I love the authenticity. Thanks!

anonymous Mar 24, 2011 5:04pm

I think I'm going to get my girlfriend to get your article's title tattooed on her shoulder or something. just kidding. great article, great title.

anonymous Mar 24, 2011 3:13pm

Love this 🙂

anonymous Sep 26, 2011 11:35pm

So true. And, thank you! (It isn't loseable) 🙂

anonymous Feb 22, 2012 9:54pm

Thank you for your comment! What you may not see is that this article, coming from a woman, is actually about letting go of control. I was much more controlling when I wanted "love and commitment" from a man. And, of course, this piece is largely an over-compensating "tongue-in-cheek" look at the reverse of what it is to be a woman (me) obsessed by being in relationship.

In fact, I continue to be deeply connected to my friends and sweethearts. If I were only looking for a "good time" this piece would be meaningless. What makes the point rich is that it is, in fact, written by a woman, one who has devoted 21 some years to her relationship. My problem has actually been the opposite (as is true for many women). We are afraid to lead a life on our own and fear what being alone might mean about our self worth. Being able to set up my Wi-fi and meet my own sexual needs without a partner is something that boys may learn as early as 16 years old, for me it wasn't until I hit 40. I have two daughters myself, so I hear where you are coming from. I think that worrying about young women becoming too focussed with just getting a "blowjob" (ie their own sexual gratifications met) is not our biggest problem. For women, it is often about finding their power and dignity independent of relationship (and thereby being genuinely available for it.) That is why this had to be written by a woman.

I am (very) open to your response! (and thanks)…

anonymous Feb 23, 2012 9:56am

What's funny to me is how many readers take this article to mean that I am promiscuous and/or am advocating promiscuity. Actually, although there is certainly some truth for me in this humorous piece, I am hopelessly monogamous. I have just learned to maintain my independence and self-sufficiency while relating to others (especially my sweetheart). Paradoxically this allows for a more authentic, profound and intimate relationship, since it is not based on neurotic neediness. So, no seducing someone else partner for me! Thanks for you post 🙂

Leon Gutierrez Aug 24, 2018 4:13am

hi sharon Reeve i.m leon i live in chandler AZ i,m was born in long beach calif i.m a big lovable teddy bear i just got out of my divorced it been 2 years so haven.t been with a women i,m looking for a friend like you if you like to get to know me test me back you can ask me anything i have know reason to lie i,m leon gutierrez if i don,t hear from you i hope you fine wgat yiu are looking for

Andrew Sanders Jan 8, 2017 9:06pm

LMAO pure joy

Karen Ross Oct 17, 2016 2:12am

Great!

Fay Frostick May 20, 2016 3:52pm

Love this!

Fay Frostick May 20, 2016 3:49pm

Love this

Sharon Reeve May 17, 2016 3:09am

Wow! As a newly divorced woman you expressed my feelings exactly! I even don't care that much about the airport pick up.