“Women don’t Lie.” ~ Anonymous

Via elephant journal
on May 9, 2011
get elephant's newsletter

This article comes via the mother of a longtime friend of mine, who I and many of us know to be a gentle bear of a man, far kinder and sweeter than me or just about anyone I know..! We here at elephant are happy to support this important dialogue. I would only ask that we conduct any discussion in a respectful manner, given the many painful and troubling questions it invites. We must all remember that while you and I are free to bike around and work and eat lunch and take our dogs for walks, friends of ours may be stuck in similar situations as the below. Right or wrong, this is a situation that calls for compassion and insight. ~ Waylon Lewis, ed.

I cannot tell you my name because what I am about to talk about is an ongoing legal matter. I will tell you that I am a feminist. That I fought for the rights of women to be believed. I worked for a rape crisis center in the 80s. I helped organize and participated in Take Back the Night events. I am friends with therapists and activists who have worked tirelessly for the rights of women and children. I was sexually abused as a child, and it defined my life for a number of years.

I am also a mother. I have raised a beautiful son, now a beautiful, caring man. He is honorable and strong. He has a deep spiritual practice. He is a man sensitive to the needs of women. Because of my involvement in “the movement” and because at some point he became aware of my own painful history, he is empathetic to women who have been abused.

Last year a woman, we’ll call her Sarah, accused my son of attempted sexual assault. She said, she thinks he tried to rape her. She and my son had been dating for a couple of months, but mostly they were consoling each other, I think. He, brokenhearted over the recent breakup of a long term relationship, she, confused over her on again, off again boyfriend who didn’t treat her very well.

This woman was also feeling a lot of conflict between her purported Christian beliefs and being attracted to two men. Discussions with her therapist didn’t help because, as she told my son, (let’s call him Robert), the therapist said, “what’s wrong with being attracted to two men?” But she couldn’t deal with that, and came to Robert’s house and told him she didn’t want to see him anymore. It wasn’t quite as clear cut as that because she lay down on the bed with Robert and there was flirting and fondling before she came to her decision. When she did, Robert agreed, and got up, walked her to the door. They hugged and he walked her to her car.

I know a lot of this because my son and I are friends. He had reservations about this relationship and had voiced his concerns to me. Sarah had told him that her father had abused her as a child and she had been in therapy for a long time. She had been on serious medications for bi-polar disorder for most of that time. Last summer while they were dating, she decided to get off of her meds. She told Robert she was experiencing blackouts. “Is that normal?” she would ask him. She had exhibited some strange behavior through the course of their relationship, but he had great empathy. I think seeing this reflected his own damaged soul and mine. But he was relieved when she called it off.

I have talked to therapists about bi-polar disorder, the meds that treat it and what happens when a person goes off those meds without a doctor’s supervision. None of it is good. One therapist I talked to said that false accusations skyrocket when someone decides to go cold-turkey. But because of rape shield laws that have been in place since the early 80s and because of defense lawyers’ fear of seeming to be “victim bashing,” these things more than likely will not be brought up. Nor can we bring up her litigious nature and her perception that a lot of other people, including a massage therapist, are out to hurt her.

That was the last of it for a month and then she began to think that Robert had ‘tried’ to rape her. She contacted the police. A policewoman wired her up and had her call Robert at 9pm one night. I have seen the transcript of that call and through the words on the page you can feel her desperation as she begs Robert to admit to something, anything that will “prove” her allegations.

You can hear Robert’s bewilderment as he denies over and over again her false accusations. At one point, he calls her sweetie (as he calls all his close friends), “Sweetie, I know you’re in pain.”

Despite no evidence, despite the fact that she is obviously a troubled woman, despite other attempts by her in the past to accuse people of hurting her in some way, despite her own admissions of wanting to sue others still, despite my son’s spotless record and the support of myriad women who have known him for years, the state has chosen to pursue this “case.”

If you think that women don’t lie to get back at men, how naive can you be? Yet we live in a culture of “women don’t lie,” a culture fostered by women’s groups since the 70s. A culture I helped create and support. A philosophy I believed.

Because why would women lie? The process of coming forward, going through the legal system was so horrific, so humiliating, why in the world would a woman put herself through it?

But that was then. Then, sexual abuse was hidden and women were maligned and humiliated if they dared come forward. And strong, brave women stood up for the rights of their children and themselves.

Now there are women’s groups with a strong political voice. There are women in political office, policewomen, and so on. Men and women now are predisposed to believe women when they accuse someone of rape. It is sometimes a knee jerk reaction that we have not evaluated for its veracity. We have not wanted to hear that women sometimes lie. The system has supported all women even those who lie. They’ve made it easy for them. If it is proven that a woman has lied, they are not prosecuted. They are at most sent to counseling. And being a “victim” can be intoxicating to some. It can let them off the hook for being responsible for their own actions.

But who is going to protect our sons? We who were on the front lines in the 70s when things were bad for women, we have raised good sons. Men we are proud of. Who will stand up for them?

I am now appalled to think that I was one of these women who thought that women don’t lie…and where there smoke there’s always a fire. Despite having raised a beautiful son, I was a sexist. Then I started doing research. There have been studies done since the 80s citing the percentage of rape allegations that are false.  Some studies say as high as 60%. People who have been dealing with this for years have tried to tell us that women do lie. But we haven’t wanted to hear.

(I will quote these studies but will not footnote them. They are listed at the end of this article.)

In a 1996 study published by the U.S. Department of Justice, “Convicted by Juries, Exonerated by Science” Peter Neufeld and Barry C Scheck co-founders of the Innocence Project stated:

“Every year since 1989, in about 25 percent of the sexual assault cases referred to the FBI where results could be obtained, the primary suspect has been excluded by forensic DNA testing… These percentages have remained constant for 7 years.”

Colorado’s own Craig Silverman, a former Denver DA and a zealous prosecutor of rapists, was also critical of what he calls the “politically correct victims advocate’s view” held by many prosecutors who want to “always believe the woman.” Silverman states:

“During my time as a prosecutor who made case filing decisions, I was amazed to see all the false rape allegations that were made to the Denver Police Department.  It was remarkable and surprising to me.  You would have to see it to believe it.  Any honest veteran sex assault investigator will tell you that rape is one of the most falsely reported crimes that there is. A command officer in the Denver police sex assaults unit recently told me he placed the false rape numbers at approximately 45 percent.”

Feminist rhetoric has merely replaced the old stereotypes. Now instead of being humiliated and scorned when we come forward, we are welcomed with an all-encompassing “Women Don’t Lie.”

“Due to the institutionalization of feminist ideology within the legal system – along with the political correctness that pervades our society – a lot of men have been defamed, imprisoned and/or fined due to the false accusations that were made against them by women.  For this reason, a lot of Divorce lawyers encourage their female clients to falsely accuse their husbands of rape, child abuse and/or domestic violence.” – Aaron Larsen

We have systematically refused to consider the possibility that women lie. We have even attacked those who wanted to discuss the possibility. Law professor Alan Dershowitz reports that he was accused of sexual harassment for discussing in his law class the possibility of false rape allegations. Some colleges with speech codes have equated talk of false rape allegations with “discriminatory harassment.”

Why would women lie?

Why wouldn’t women lie? They lie to protect themselves, to alleviate guilt, or because they are delusional. They lie because they can. For all the reasons that people lie, women lie.

“Empirical evidence does not support the widespread belief that women are extremely unlikely to make false accusations of male sexual misconduct. Rather the research on accusations of rape, sexual harassment, incest and child sexual abuse indicates that false accusations have become a serious problem. The motivations involved in making a false report are widely varied and include confusion, outside influence from therapists and others, habitual lying, advantages in custody, disputes, financial gain and the political ideology of radical feminism.” – Frank S. Zepezauer

But there is another reason women lie about rape. Rape is a deeply personal crime. Some women even harbor rape fantasies. Falsely accusing a man of rape can be deeply satisfying because it is sexual and even romantic. And it cuts to the heart of a male/female relationship. In his paper, Patients Who Make False Accusations, Dr. Richard C. W. Hall cites a particular case in which:

“We talked to a young borderline woman, who reported that she had made allegations to her county medical society that her psychiatrist had been sexually inappropriate with her. She reported that she was angry at him, that he had not given her the attention that she wanted, and that she made up the charges to get even. Although she candidly reported that he had never touched her, she said that she ‘was sure that he wanted to.’”

I have watched my son for 40 years. I have watched him grow from boy to man. I have seen him in his interactions with women and men. I have marveled at his sensitivity, his empathy. Many times I have thought, “Wow, he is a feminist’s dream. A man who listens. Who cares. Who is strong and deeply spiritual. A man who can be a woman’s friend. Who can comfort another in time of need. He is truly a good and decent man.

But if you would discount the word of a mother, what about all the women in his life? The girlfriend that has known him since high school to his most recent girlfriend? All have come forward on his behalf. All have remained his steadfast friend even after their romantic relationship ended.

And what of the word of their parents who have come forward? Including two psychotherapists who work with battered women. What of the casual dating partners and friends from far and wide, both male and female who have all come forward on his behalf? They too have spoken out for him. This man is not capable of doing this thing.

Never have I been to visit him that someone did not congratulate me on raising such a fine man.

Our good men are being harmed. This good man is being harmed.

“Due to immense pressure from rabid feminists, the state was placed in the position of convicting as many accused rapists as possible, or face an onslaught of abuse from second-wave-feminists….” – Aaron Larsen

The current climate in Colorado appears to be: Try them all. Let God sort them out. I have been told that there are political reasons for that. Reasons that have nothing to do with the validity of a particular case but with the fear of an attack by an opponent in an election. The District Attorney is an elected official. But doesn’t the state have better things to do than try meritless cases? Isn’t there a voice of reason somewhere?

Dr. Richard C. W. Hall in his paper, Patients Who Make False Allegations, The Role of the Forensic Psychiatrist, has created a checklist for the evaluation of patients’ allegations. It follows:

1)    Is accuser creditable?

2)    Is story consistent and believable?

3)    Is there a motive for revenge or mischief?

4)    Have other allegations been made previously?  Does a pattern of allegations exist?

5)    Has the patient been counseled in their charges by some professional who has a vested interest?

6)    Is there any physical evidence of misdeed?

7)    What is the reputation of the accused?

8)    How does the accused respond to the charges?

9)    Are there issues of custody, property settlement, divorce, or suit involved?

10) Is there a history of personality disorder – antisocial, narcissistic, borderline – in either party?

11) Is there a history of alcohol or substance abuse in either party?

If the state were to apply this or any reasonable checklist to the allegations against my son, this “case” would have gone in the trash bin months ago, we wouldn’t be out thousands of dollars, countless sleepless nights and the feeling that the system simply doesn’t work.

If anyone can accuse a good man of something like this and cause him so much grief, then what has our system become? The terms rape, sexual assault, sexual abuse have become so ubiquitous as to be meaningless (although still very much emotionally charged).  We have cast such a wide net that laws and statutes that were devised to protect us from the worst of the worst, the serial rapists, sexual predators and pedophiles are now being used to punish men who urinate near school yards or a boyfriend who takes the arm of his inebriated girlfriend to get her out of a party.

An article titled Feminists Fallacies Hurt Police Training states:

“If every incident between a man and a woman can be framed as a prelude to an atrocity, then all men can be branded as predators. The error in logic, that all men are potential rapists, allows feminists to link attitudes and behaviors for which there is NO connection and allows them to condemn the mild-mannered man given to the occasional caustic comment to sharing an axis with O.J. Simpson.”

That is not to say that there are not terrible crimes committed against women and children every day. According to Believe Her! The Woman Never Lies Myth, Frank Zepezauer says:

“This growing gap – between the  anguish suffered by the victims of traditionally defined sex crimes and what is suffered by victims of ideologically defined crimes – suggests that the crisis we face is not the result of a sexual misconduct epidemic but of the crisis mentality itself, an ever more hysterical vision of a ‘rape culture.’”

This hysterical crisis mentality has created a gap between our awareness of the now highly visible victims of sexual misconduct and the almost invisible victims of false allegation. The lesser known victims have their own stories to tell, enough to reveal another long ignored injustice that demands remediation. False allegations of sexual misconduct have deprived a rapidly growing number of men and women of their reputations, their fortunes, their children, their livelihood and their freedom. Wasting the time and money of families and communities, and have left some so desperate that they have taken their own lives.

Zepezauer concludes:

“For that reason, in the current revision of our sexual misconduct code, we must retain as a guiding premise the realization that women can lie because we know that, for several reasons, more than a few women have lied, more often than idealogues have admitted….too often, in any event, to be ignored by our jurisprudence, feminist or otherwise.”

It’s time that we admitted what is right in front of us. Not every woman tells the truth and not every man is a potential rapist.

Please someone, tell the State of Colorado.


Sources used in this article:

MND, mensnewsdaily.com, “During My Time as a Prosecutor I was Amazed to See all the False Rape Allegations that Were Made.”

North Shore News, Alana Mercer, “Feminist Fallacies Hurt Police Training?

Men’s Rights Online, Aaron Larsen, “False Accusation Issues”

Dr. Richard C. W. Hall Publications, Dr. Richard C. W. Hall, “Patients Who Make False Allegations”

Salon Newsreel, Cathy Young, Who Says WomenNever Lie About Rape?”

FoxNews.com, Wendy McElroy, “False Rape Accusations May Be More Common Than Thought”

IPT Journal, Frank S. Zepezauer, “Believe Her! The Woman Never Lies Myth”

Richardwebster.net, Richard Webster, “False Allegations: End This Cruel Injustice”


The Witchcraft Trials in Salem:  A Commentary by Douglas Linder


About elephant journal

elephant journal is dedicated to "bringing together those working (and playing) to create enlightened society." We're about anything that helps us to live a good life that's also good for others, and our planet. >>> Founded as a print magazine in 2002, we went national in 2005 and then (because mainstream magazine distribution is wildly inefficient from an eco-responsible point of view) transitioned online in 2009. >>> elephant's been named to 30 top new media lists, and was voted #1 in the US on twitter's Shorty Awards for #green content...two years running. >>> Get involved: > Subscribe to our free Best of the Week e-newsletter. > Follow us on Twitter. Fan us on Facebook. > Write: send article or query. > Advertise. > Pay for what you read, help indie journalism survive and thrive—and get your name/business/fave non-profit on every page of elephantjournal.com. Questions? Send to [email protected]


314 Responses to ““Women don’t Lie.” ~ Anonymous”

  1. Kratch says:

    Agreed. It is unfortunate that it requires a personal tragedy for her to see the truth, but in fairness, it appears a personal tragedy is what blinded her to it to begin with. That factor should not be ignored.

  2. Keefer says:

    Say what? Paternity testing is NOT banned in Britain. I had a paternity test 6 months ago to prove I was the father of my daughter, so I could fight for custody from her drug addicted, alcoholic mother (I won!).

  3. Kratch says:

    Boys are more likely than ever to drop out of school and engage in delinquency and other problems.

    Of which suicide is a significant problem. I believe that states suggest that for every 100 girls who commit suicide in that age range, over 500 boys will also take their lives. And yet, you will never see a call to investigate why. You may see calls to look into suicide in general, worst yet, calls to look into only female suicide, but never for the boys. Are children's lives really worth so little if they are male?

  4. Kratch says:

    it can never happen to me is a belief far to many seem to believe. That said, remember that she herself was (allegedly) a victim. It is far too easy in such cases to NOT see the consequences to others, if the actions promise some kind of comfort to oneself. I hold no ill will towards the author. She understands her place in the problems her son is suffering. She is suffering alongside him, more so for her role in it. And she is (apparently) taking actions to rectify it (and presumably, not just for her son, but to atone, so that all men need not endure this).

  5. Kratch says:

    "And I am also shocked that there is no one who works at a rape crisis center,"

    You mean, aside from the author herself? Or did you miss that part in your rush to condemn her son?

    "This comment section has reinforced the exact environment that makes it so difficult to anyone who has been assaulted to come forward."

    many women who have been assaulted AGREE with many of the comments on this board. You will find that those who have truly suffered sexual assault will deem false accusers amongst the worst humans out there, just above their own attackers. After all, it is those making false accusations that make it far more difficult to be believed, and not those who acknowledge false accusations exist. Your refusal to acknowledge false accusers, and your lack of sympathy for the victims of these accusers, who often suffer very similar emotional damage as rape victims themselves, not to mention the financial and career damage, shows you to be more interested in hurting the men then seeing justice done. If false accusations are recognized for what they are, and true false accusers are tried and convicted (using due process), that lends credibility to those who actually do come forward. But you oppose such an idea. You oppose protecting innocent men, and you oppose holding spiteful women to account. And that speaks a lot more about you then it does about the subject matter at hand.

  6. Kratch says:

    Things have gotten worst, as now a mere accusation can get you ejected from school permanently, even if the accusation is later rescinded. At least, in the US. You can thank Biden for that.

  7. garbuhj says:

    That New York claim is BS as well. Here's a google search showing a gazillion places in NY that do paternity tests.

  8. Jean says:

    This is a tragic story (and one that has attracted rather a lot of embittered people), but it is also tragically common.

    Please do check out the False Rape Society, avoiding some of the more inflammatory commentary that it attracts. They aren't reactionary hotheads, and they aren't pushing an adversarial stance.

  9. garbuhj says:

    I totally agree with your general comment (so upvoted) but I disagree with you saying that the enemy is "the left." The same thing happens to ALL organizations and movement, including those on the right.

  10. Gogonostop says:

    It’s not like she and other Feminists were not warned. Feminists have been told time and time again that they were taking it too far. It was a conscious, deliberate decision on their part. They were not carried away by “good intentions.” They were carried away by their hatred of men.

    Feminists tell men all the time that their intentions don’t matter when it comes to being sensitive to Feminists – rather, that the effect of insensitivity is just as wrong as the intent. Why should “good” intentions save Feminists, when the effect they have created is gender apartheid?

    This Feminist may be better than the rest, and for this I may be kinder to her. But to Feminism in general? No way.

  11. elephantjournal says:

    To be clear, I don't mind opinions either way. We're all about dialogue, genuine open dialogue. We are not about insulting, mean, degraded, vicious, anonymous commenting. http://www.elephantjournal.com/2010/08/be-nice-or

    Let's keep this intelligent, constructive, we can allll do it, whatever our worth opinions.



  12. Kratch says:

    Because feminists have spent several decades telling them they won't be believed and that their attacker will walk free anyways. With that kind of fear mongering coming from such a "trusted" source (after all, feminists couldn't possibly do anything to hurt women), would you be willing to come forward?

  13. rachel says:

    Okay, well, no one is saying women never make false accusations in rape cases (the Duke one comes to mind), and this woman and her family seem to be going through a horrible ordeal BUT, women, more so than they make false claims, still face… EXTRAORDINARY victim blaming (like the NYTimes talking about what a child who was gang raped was wearing). Sexual assault and rape have by no means lost their meaning as words or actions, even as false accusations hurt every woman (or man) who then must make a true "accusation." If anything, the popularity of rape jokes and acceptance of date rape culture hurt the meaning of the words that describe a horrific, traumatic event. The author has the right to her opinion, but when you, elephant journal, publish a link to the article, and ask people to outweigh negative feedback, you take an editorial standpoint that you agree with this article, which is part of the reason I no longer write for the magazine.
    For what's its worth, my feminism has nothing to do with, nor ever will, an assumption and broad generalization, such as "women never lie." I fight for equality, the end to patriarchy and misogyny, for queer rights, and i do all this to ma…ke a better future for present and future sons and daughters and every gender spectrum in between. Nor because of one case, does that change that most women attempting to charge and prosecute a rapists do not have the law or legal system on their side at all

  14. YesuDas says:

    How about organizing a march, Another Fellow?

  15. BDM says:

    The rabid misogyny exposed in these comments is breathtaking to me. Reading the article, I am only mildly concerned for my sons – that something so unlikely might happen to them. Reading the comments, I am terrified for my daughter.

  16. YesuDas says:

    Wait a minute, gus3: actual victims accounts have always been met with skepticism–that's how the victim mentality was able to gain traction in the first place.

  17. YesuDas says:

    For Christ's sake, JustMe, at least have the decency to read the article first!

  18. YesuDas says:

    Vanessa and Kratch, I find myself in the awkward position of agreeing with both of you. The vitriol is sad and useless, and it is understandable as well. Hard to know how to proceed.

  19. YesuDas says:

    Well said, Rachel–except the part about EJ's solicitation of balancing viewpoint being tantamount to agreeing with the article; as far as I can see, Waylon just wants people to be respectful rather than bestial. But about the experience of most accusers, I think you are on the mark, and appreciate your speaking up.

  20. YesuDas says:

    Well said, Lauren.

  21. Kratch says:

    The confusion lies in the hatred demonstrated towards feminism. Laura is showing typical feminist arrogance in believing that feminism is representative of all women. that if a man hates feminism, he hates women. She is unable to divorce the idea that feminism is an ideology made up of both men and women, but does not include all women (and in fact, 3 out of 5 UK women bellow the age of 30 actually reject the label feminism). Feminism also tends to make the mistake of believing it has a monopoly on egalitarian thought, That if one does not believe in feminism, they are not capable of believing in equality.

  22. YesuDas says:

    Is this a joke, Roosh? Or are you seriously throwing the rule of law under the bus?

  23. Kratch says:

    Sexual consent forms are pointless. Consent can be withdrawn at any time, including mid coitus. And women like Mary Kellett will have no problems prosecuting men based on the accusation consent was withdrawn and the man didn't stop.

  24. elephantjournal says:

    Want to help balance lots of horribly mean comments? Please:

    Polly Lynn Unfriend the meanies…

    Karen Nelson Mangold Wow. I don't know where to start tonight.. I feel a blog post in the making though. I will definitely comment.

    elephantjournal.com I've already deleted four of the worst, as per our Mean Comments Suck policy.

    To be clear, I don't mind opinions either way. We're all about dialogue, genuine open dialogue. We are not about insulting, mean, degraded, vicioius, anonymous commenting. http://www.elephantjournal.com/2010/08/be-nice-or

    Polly Lynn You are filling a gap desperately needed in on going dialog of life there is not one day that goes by that as part of my experience on line I find importance in what you post …I am grateful!

    Karen Nelson Mangold Dang it Waylon.. You're gonna make me have to fire up the lap top tonight aren't you? Sigh. 😉

    Rachel Kavita Steele
    Okay, well, no one is saying women never make false accusations in rape cases (the Duke one comes to mind), and this woman and her family seem to be going through a horrible ordeal BUT, women, more so than they make false claims, still face… EXTRAORDINARY victim blaming (like the NYTimes talking about what a child who was gang raped was wearing). Sexual assault and rape have by no means lost their meaning as words or actions, even as false accusations hurt every woman (or man) who then must make a true "accusation." If anything, the popularity of rape jokes and acceptance of a date rape culture hurt the meaning of the words that describe a horrific traumatic event. The author has the right to her opinion, but when you, elephant journal, publish a link to the article, and ask people to outweigh negative feedback, you take an editorial standpoint that you agree with this article, which is part of the reason I no longer write for the magazine.See More

    Lauren Hanna Foster What's funny, is that I didn't post to this BECAUSE I had too many wonderful things to say. I thought it would take too long. I'll write now!

    Rachel Kavita Steele
    For what's its worth, my feminism has nothing to do with, nor ever will, an assumption and broad generalization, such as "women never lie." I fight for equality, the end to patriarchy and msyogony, for queer rights, and i do all this to ma…ke a better future for present and future sons and daughters and every gender spectrum in between. Nor because of one case, does that change that most women attempting to charge and prosecute a rapists do not have the law or legal system on their side at all.

    Beverly Mazzarella The article made me mildly concerned for my two sons, that something so unlikely could happen to them. The sheer hostility of the comments make me terrified for my daughter.

  25. Kratch says:

    To the Author (the mother). It is unfortunate that this has happened, and your son has my sympathies, but it was necessary in order to expose the truth to you. What you may still not realize is the emotional damage your son is going to suffer, but you are in several unique positions. First of which is as a victim yourself. false accusations are a deeply personal violation, perhaps not as much so as rape itself, but far more drawn out, and far more humiliating then rape ever was. And your son will be able to benefit from your experience dealing with that turmoil.

    The next reason you are in a unique position is your years of experience as an advocate. You know what needs to be done to accomplish things, and you know the truths and the lies that have been told (though it may take you some time to sort them out. Unfortunately, you will quickly find your colleagues, the people you believed in and trusted, turning their backs, or even attacking you. You can already see it in the comments of people like Kimberly and Laura. Despite your many years of activism, this new campaign, if you choose to fight it beyond the scope of your son, will require you to start from scratch as everyone you could count on abandons you for betraying their ideology. In addition to attacks by former peers, you will also need to sustain the anger of the very men you have spent decades persecuting as predators. These will be a whole new pain added to your existing turmoil, and I can only hope you can endure it. For yourself. For your son. And for all the innocent men who could benefit from your experience and drive, should you choose to champion against the injustice suffered by men and boys.

    Just know that not all men will hate you for your past. And I wish you and your son strength to endure as both your lives fall apart in the days, months, years to come.

    Mark Neil

  26. elephantjournal says:

    Ashley, can you explain your comment about the moderator only policing feedback from my friends? Who are my friends in this situation? I'm open to comments from either "side," it's not my job to police other people's opinions. I only moderate comments that don't manage to be respectful in their disagreement. I have deleted four comments here, more than a year's worth of other blogs…we're doing our best. Let me know if you see any other comments you think are rude, slanderous, unfair, vicious, and I'll look at them. ~ W.

  27. elephantjournal says:

    Calling Kimberly a "type" doesn't help, either—I think the lesson from this article, if anything, is that each human being and case needs to be taken on its own terms, and not generalized, no? ~ Waylon

  28. elephantjournal says:

    Good, god people…how could you thumb down the above comment asking for mindful commenting!? ~ Waylon

  29. elephantjournal says:

    I'll leave this comment as a wonderful example of "what doesn't help" any of us, or those concerned. ~ Waylon

  30. elephantjournal says:

    Thanks, YesuDas. Yes, Rachel, I'm all for respectful dialogue whatever the pov…that's the point of publishing such a work as this—there isn't enough. It's too easy to slander and insult rather than contemplate, and offer helpful words so we can get our society out of such confusion and suffering. ~ W.

  31. elephantjournal says:

    I've now deleted eight comments. I hate deleting comments—we love dialogue. I do, however, not want to be responsible for providing a platform for casual, lazy hate. If you have something to offer, here, make it thoughtful, and put your name on it. ~ Waylon

  32. Kratch says:

    If there were consequences for those cases where an accusation is used to victimize, you may be right. Unfortunately, that isn't the case. If we can examine any number of cases, and only in the cases where a male is the violator, is justice served, then we must examine as a whole why the female victimizers walk away. That can't be done on a case by case basis until there is a system in place with which we can even do so.

  33. KratchO says:

    It was written by a personal friend of Waylon Lewis, ed..As such, base it's credibility (for you) based on them.

    As to being insulting to those that use their real name… I see no last name Tamara. Waylon Lewis included his full name. As did I in my post bellow.

  34. BDM says:

    As a woman, let me say thank you.

  35. Kratch says:

    "and all I can say is: This Too Shall Pass."

    Will it? the scare to her son will last for a long long time, assuming he has the strength to endure and keep living. The guilt the mother will endure, and the destruction to her personal friendships as colleagues abandon and turn on her, and disruption to her life if she choose to pursue the truth as a new cause, will forever change her life.

    "this too shall pass". Is this what you tell to rape victims?

  36. Kratch says:

    "Only recently have we begun to punish some women for making false allegations but we do so not because she ruined a man's life but because we want to discourage other false accusers from somehow making it "harder for women to come forward.""

    Actually, the punishment is usually due to the amount of time, money and manpower that got wasted in the investigation. The harm done to the man is never even considered.

  37. betterdeal says:

    Wonderful article. I'm glad abuse is being seen as something anyone can do, men and women, and that whenever opportunity and motive exists, some people will do it. Abusing someone by accusing them of rape is something that needs to be addressed. The systemic sexism in our legal systems needs to be confronted and abolished if we men are to be able to become fully fledged human beings without fear of punishment or ridicule for expressing our feelings in ways other than anger.

  38. […] Hasselberger · 1 week ago That’s horrible! I have a 10year old son and your story–along with others I’ve […]

  39. All says:

    Bravo for this article! It sheds light on a myriad of issues gone too long overlooked. The theme that stood out to me is the issue of mental illness. Those living with a mental illness face challenges that, especially in this case, are treated as delicate and almost speculative. Truth is subjective to the mentally ill and that must be taken into account in criminal cases. I was raised by a bi-polar mother and as a grown woman, speaking with her today, we lived two separate experiences when I was growing up. I remember bringing up the issue of my mother's behavior with family and friends and I was told that I needed to straighten up and be a better child; that my mother worked very hard for what we had and I should have been grateful. I let the issue go and watched my mother spiral out of control, undiagnosed, until her life was a stake. Today, life is better for both my mother and I, but in the negligence we both lost so much. I hope Robert can forgive this poor woman for what she has done and I truly hope that governments will take note of these issues.

  40. Fred Sottile says:

    Here in Los Angeles, we had a task force that completed the evaluation of a backlog of thousands of DNA rape kits. The evaluators proudly exclaimed that they were able to make several cases against men as a result. No one even asked how many men were exonerated by the new evidence. In fact, the very idea of finding evidence to exonerate men was never pursued.

  41. Roosh says:

    Male genocide is a very intriguing idea. I never thought of that as an idea to eliminate rape once and for all. How feasible do you think this is in the next 10 years?

    No men = no rape

    I like how that sounds. Finally, a rape-free world where women can walk around like hookers and not be treated like one.

  42. Nes says:

    Why is it that when a woman does something awful it's a result of some mental illness and she needs treatment? When a man does something awful it's because men do awful things so he need punishment. Stop making excuses when women behave badly.

  43. The Shrug says:

    Well, well, well! Your son has had his consciousness raised!

  44. Grateful says:

    oops, i meant to comment below, not here.

  45. Grateful says:

    Thank you so much for writing this.

  46. Hmph says:

    Apparently not. This is one of the most vicious set of comments I've ever read. I'm truly disturbed by this article and particularly by the hostility and aggression in the comments. I hope someone steps in with clarity, intelligence, wisdom, compassion, and balance because from what I can see, this is causing far more harm than good.

    I understand people wanting to be anonymous. People are getting slaughtered.

  47. TheIncredibleMoose says:

    Correct. This was never a "good ideology" of any kind. It was based in supremacism, not egalatarianism. You might as well say that Nazism was a "good ideology" because at its core, it was aimed at ending the economic impossibility of the Weimar Republic post Versailles treaty.

    Was there a problem in the Weimar Republic? Sure. Was radical militant supremacism the answer? You tell me.

    Asking old school Feminists to fix the problem is like throwing more gasoline on the fire (or to use a more modern analogy, like throwing a couple billion more at Wall Street bankers). If they want it fixed, they can publicily repudiate as an ideology, they can stop lobbying as a special interest group (see VAWA), and they can issue an apology publicly and then shut up and go away.

  48. GUY says:

    I agree

  49. TheIncredibleMoose says:

    The author actively promoted an ideology that directly led to countless innocent men's imprisonment, including her own son… and you don't think she deserves to feel some pain?

    Just her son, eh?

    White Knighting for the win.

  50. TheIncredibleMoose says:

    Again, why?

    Let's be kind to Bernie Madoff and Ben Bernake while we're at it.