Today is a very special day all across these U.S. of A.
On 7/11/11, 7-11 offers their iconic Slurpee flavored-ice beverage to customers absolutely free of cost.
Gut reaction: what a boon!
(That is, until, my gut actually reacts to that chemical nastiness — a reaction that, in my experience, includes but is not limited to neon diarrhea).
Anyway, Waylon was borderline furious that I would leave a meeting of Les Elephants to indulge in this classic, GMO-sweetened all-American past-time. I met his fury with happy ambivalence; it’s just a Slurpee! What could be so bad?
Well I’ll tell you. The normal-size, plastic cups are still regular prices — $1.79 for the 32 oz I would have otherwise chosen; at least those can be recycled.
The “free” offer is for a little 6 or 8 oz Styrofoam cup. Regardless of whether or not there is an exchange of currency for this cup, I must point out that in terms of environmental impact, there is nothing fun or free about Styrofoam.
So my fun is ruined.
All I wanted to do was enjoy a guilt-free glass of flavored ice, and instead I’m in a position to contribute to the continuing ruin of our planet.
Nonetheless, I moved past that, spurred on by the ineffable joys of flavor-mixing. I sampled the Cherry Apple and the Wild Cherry, with some Fanta Banana on top.
It was everything I hoped it’d be. My taste buds were made momentarily happy, and I swilled it fast enough to earn a cold-headache, thereby fulfilling the ultimate Slushee experience.
Still, I feel like an assh*le.
I am glad not to have offered any financial support for the demons who promote this delicious evil, and I hope this disparaging little post offsets my Styrofoamy karma by reiterating the idiocy and essential emptiness of this beverage and food products of similar ilk.
Do I admire the man for purchasing a proper-sized portion? Maybe. A little bit.
Born on planet Earth, David Telfer McConaghay has since wandered across its surface in search of something which, when found, kindly insists that he continue searching. His immediate family lives in Minneapolis, Minnesota, though he also feels at home in Washington D.C.; Grass Valley, California; Bogotá, Colombia; and now, almost Boulder, Colorado. He completed his B.A. in English & Creative Writing at The George Washington University in 2008. Experiences at the Sivananda Ashram Yoga Farm are the primary source of any yogic inspiration David aka Sri Nivasa may express.