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July 26, 2011

Yoga Teachers Getting Rich

Osho getting on his private plane

Being a frequent traveler, I’ve grown accustomed to the airlines’ industrious transition. They charge you for baggage, charge you for drinks, charge you for food, charge you for an exit row seat.

Flying to Dallas a few months ago, I had a revelation. After paying the stewardess $13.00 for a bologna sandwich on Wonder Bread, I thought to myself, “Only while flying through the air 500 mph in a hollow tube would I be willing to pay for bologna on white. Hmmm, maybe my yoga students could benefit from a similar program.”

So starting next month, I am instituting the David Romanelli In-Class Services (TM)  program.

It’s my way of providing you, my students, with a more luxurious yoga experience. I will offer you the opportunity to pay for all the extras we know and love. Yes they were free in the past but as Thoreau said, “There are no fixtures in nature. The universe is fluid and volatile.”

Change is the name of the game.

Following is a preview of your David Romanelli In-Class Services (TM) Menu.

In-class acknowledgement TM: $.75

Block service (delivered to your mat): $2.50

Down Dog push:   $5.00

Forward Fold shoulder rub:  $6.50

Savasana Blanket Service (delivered to your mat): $8.95

Savasana Foot Rub:   $12.00

Savasana Head Massage:  $14.00

Happy Baby spread:   $18.00

In-class acknowledgement (TM) by your name: $19.75 (names are tough)

Mulabandha Plug:  $29.95

Savasana Mystery Package:  $95.00

Here’s how it works. Upon launch of the David Romanelli In-Class Services (TM) program on August 1, I will take orders in the 10 minutes preceding class.

Before you even have a chance to ask, let me answer what I’m sure is the #1 question. “YES!” you will be able to access the David Romanelli In-Class Services (TM) program online for pre-orders and receive discounts as much as 2% off regular price.

And by signing up for the David Romanelli In-Class Services’ (TM) Furry Fridays (TM) , I’ll update you with special sales on head massages, foot rubs, and occasional in-class acknowledgments(TM) free of charge.

I tested the program in a recent class and was understandably met with some resistance.

The lady in this photo said, “F-ck this. I’ll just take Shiva’s class. or Seane Corn’s class. or Saul David Raye’s class. They’re famous and they don’t charge for extras.” Let’s just say she didn’t receive too much attention that class.

Another person said, “Yes, I’ll take the Savasana Mystery package, the mulabandha plug, block service, and is licking on the menu you sunuvabitch?! You should be fired. If John Friend only knew about this!”  The answer is no. No licking.

Another person was a bit more pleasant and said, “Oh wonderful, this is long overdue.  I think I’ll go with 3 down dog pushes, blanket service, and the Mystery package. And do you accept credit cards?” The answer is yes, Discover and JCB.

*****

After reading the above, I know what you must be thinking and I agree: with so many choices, how can one possibly decide?

Recent research on happiness proves that too many choices lead to unhappiness and anxiety.

We’ve all taken that yoga class where the teacher says the dreaded words: “Everybody grab a partner!”

Is it me or does that give you anxiety?  A stranger (let alone a man in tights) touching you? And then you have to figure out what the heck you’re supposed to be doin’ with this stranger as the godforsaken teacher walks around the room surveying their disaster-in-progress? Too much to think about it.

Life is easier (and the science shows) people are happier with less choices.  love how Wayne Dyer gave away all of his possessions.  Keep it simple!  I was deeply inspired by Trey Anastasio of Phish burning his entire CD collection. How liberating!

If you think there’s room for greater happiness in your life, consider the simpler approach. Give stuff away, dare to let go, take a step toward a more primitive lifestyle.  As Da Vinci said, “Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.”

For more on my many “services,” check out my book Yeah Dave’s Guide to Livin the Moment

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