Recently, as I drove out of my office heading home for lunch, my inner voice took me completely by surprise. It asked, “Nadine, why don’t you just sell all of your stuff and return to a place that soothes your heart and feeds your soul?”
Fifteen minutes later, upon arrival at home, having pondered this thought en route, I realized that this was the most relaxed I’d felt in several days. Since that day, this thought has now become a pleasantly recurrent one, which not surprisingly has led to others.
To mark this sacred time of Autumn Equinox where dark meets light, I set the intention of balance as I embarked upon the journey that my yoga practice is this morning. Of the many questions that popped up and which I observed rather than analyzed, the first one was,
Who am I?
Next followed, where did I go?
Earlier this week, I remembered that I had put away my vision board just at the start of the summer given that I would be traveling for most of it. A voice beckoned that I reach for it and return it to the sacred space where I practice daily. As I salute towards the Sun, with each breath that is combined with each movement, I am literally enlivening the vision that stands before me.
Initially, I was afraid to even look at it as the fear of not having accomplished most of what I’d claim to intention was for now, too much for my weary soul to bear. I managed to muster up enough courage to pull it out earlier this week and surprised myself once more.
I saw where in fact, contrary to my doubtful voice of reason, I had created much of my visualization and for those that I hadn’t, there are works in progress.
As the world crumbles disturbingly around us, in some sort of sordid way, it is comforting to know that we’re not alone in our suffering. Of course no one in their right mind would invite suffering upon themselves or anyone else for that matter, but the harsh reality is that suffering – economic, political, emotional, and otherwise – are the global order of the day. Undoubtedly exhausting, this atmosphere of doom, gloom and despair has invited me to go deep inward to excavate and recover me.
Daily, I see where I am the archeologist as well as the long forgotten treasure that is carefully, tenderly and lovingly being unveiled.
Last night for example, much to my dismay, it dawned on me that somewhere along the way; I’d actually forgotten my dream! Incredulously I pondered, how is even this possible?
The Way I’m realizing is paved with a pile of illusions – from family, friends, peers, society and not least of all from those who mightn’t serve our greatest good. So swept along are we by The Way that it is not until we are washed ashore, barely saved from drowning, that we accept, surrender or even resign ourselves to acknowledging that The Way may be suffocating us and in adverse conditions may even be killing us!
While the ego’s temptation to self-flagellate here is overwhelming, I’ve found that by using this uncertain, tenuous time to dig deep beneath the surface – and I mean deep – taking myself to places that I’d previously disowned or never claimed has [re]joyously been my saving grace. Past visits to the [archeology] dig only had me shuffling dirt and shifting stones around; no wonder I thought that there was no treasure!
In shedding The Way, I’m discovering a new path. As I bid The Way farewell and embark upon I don’t know I humbly accept that had I not traveled along The Way, I may never have been able to appreciate and embrace the limitless magnitude of the unknown.
To conclude our yoga class that day the teacher remarked, “[only] when we’re being good to ourselves are we able to be good to others.” Since then, it is this luminous comment that has kept my company and brightened the way along the path of the unknown.