October 12, 2011

Ryan Gosling Wants to Cuddle & Read Me Julia Kristeva.

Is this what a feminist looks like? (Millions of women hope so…)










(Photo: Feminist Ryan Gosling)

So maybe Ryan doesn’t really want to cuddle with me and read me Julia Kristeva.

Quel dommage.

It’s a funny thing, though. I’ve noticed lately that it has become increasingly acceptable to be sexist, objectify, and lust––as long as you are a woman. If I were a male blogger, and stuck up a picture of some cute starlet saying all she wanted to do was cater to my needs, it wouldn’t be seen as funny or cute. Definitely not “mindful.”

And yet, when I was hanging out with some female friends recently talking about celebrity crushes and the benefits of combining Ryan Gosling and some frosting, it made me stop and think. Why is it OK when we do it? Isn’t the point of being a feminist (or a humanist) that we all want to be treated equally? If it isn’t OK for men to objectify, why do we think it’s acceptable behavior for women?

Is it the cougar phenomenon? I’m not “cougar age” yet, but you’d have to be hiding under a rock somewhere not to notice this trend. Women in their 40’s aggressively hitting on younger men? If it’s sad and creepy when men do it, why is it suddenly OK for women? We may have come a long way, but if that is where feminism gets us, we’ve come a long way in the wrong direction!

So what is the answer? It doesn’t seem in keeping with being a mindful, compassionate woman to talk about men like they are merely of value because of their bodies. If we don’t want men to leer at us in our yoga pants, why would we do the same to them?

A male friend said that it isn’t the same because men don’t mind being treated like sex objects.

I can’t answer that one. Maybe some of our male readers can shed a little light on that for us. In the meanwhile, I will keep my sexist comments to myself. Should Ryan Gosling show up on my doorstep wanting to snuggle and read to me, I would treat him as an equal. I would not “accidentally” drop things on the floor so I could leer at him as he picks them up. I would not make him clean my house shirtless as I sat reading, glass of wine in hand and making lewd comments as he worked tirelessly. Really, I wouldn’t! Because, after all, I am a feminist. I believe that we should all be treated with respect. Even Ryan Gosling.

(Photo: Socialite Life)


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alrishi Nov 12, 2013 9:08pm

Kate, when you and your friends were lusting after Ryan Gosling, you were not objectifying him as a sex object, you were objectifying him as a success object. Women objectify just as much as men, but they have different triggers. The thing that makes it a double standard is that women's objectification of men is seen as Ok, whereas men take shit if they ever show that to women. Many women have been touting their moral superiority over men because they treat men as more than sex objects, but they fail to realize that they objectify men as success objects. Take someone who looks like Ryan Gosling, and with the same talent, charm and sense of humor, but who wore a "Trainee" badge while he bagged your groceries; I suspect your reaction to him would be far different.

Whatever our triggers are for lust, men and women look for more than that when choosing long term partners. Honesty, integrity, character, sense of humor, etc. is just as important to men as to women. Women can get caught up in their lust for a successful but morally repugnant man just like men can get caught up in their lust for a beautiful but morally repugnant woman; the moral superiority of women is unfounded.

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Kate Bartolotta

Kate Bartolotta is a wellness cheerleader, yogini storyteller, and self-care maven.
She also writes for Huffington Post, Yoga International, Mantra Yoga+ Health, a beauty full mind, The Good Men Project, The Green Divas, The Body Project, Project Eve, Thought Catalog and Soulseeds.
Kate’s books are now available on Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble.com.

She is passionate about helping people fall in love with their lives.

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