Boring is the new Black.

Via Waylon Lewis
on Dec 8, 2011
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Relationships, for Dummies.

Heartbreak! True Love! Throwing you clothes out the second story window! Fighting! Arguing! Affairs!

Spare me. What I’m looking for? One equal, no Drama.

Some of us are addicted to drama? Nah. Drama is what’s boring. A relationship without drama?

Can you have one without the other?

Dramayana: Trungpa Rinpoche called it Nostalgia for Samsara:

Give me wholesome cozy friendly boredom any day. Sounds delightful.

Lately, I’ve been spending a little time with a little lady who doesn’t play games. She’s straightforward, appreciative, thoughtful, honest about being stressed when she’s tired, affectionate…so far, she’s everything but high-maintenance.

And I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. And that’s sad, maybe: am I so ruined by my last “relationship” that I expect future relationships to be equally ridiculous?

Last night, we got in our first argument. It lasted about 30 seconds. It was quiet, and kind. Then, we were back to boring.

And it reminds me: most of the relationships I know—most of my friends—don’t argue. Honestly, they don’t! To people like (possibly you and defeinitely) me, that seems impossible. Sure, they’re human. I’m sure things are up and down. But they don’t resolve their feelings at the expense of others. They don’t throw dishes or raise voices. They own their moods, instead of creating Jackson Pollock like displays of their emotions all over the karmic walls of their daily lives.

And it reminds me: Romcoms, in a way, are unhealthy. Love and life isn’t about sadness and heartbreak…ups and downs…drama. It’s about friendship. With a side of attraction, humor, celebration.

Boring? I’ll take it.

For more: cool boredom.


About Waylon Lewis

Waylon Lewis, founder of elephant magazine, now & host of Walk the Talk Show with Waylon Lewis, is a 1st generation American Buddhist “Dharma Brat." Voted #1 in U.S. on twitter for #green two years running, Changemaker & Eco Ambassador by Treehugger, Green Hero by Discovery’s Planet Green, Best (!) Shameless Self-Promoter at Westword's Web Awards, Prominent Buddhist by Shambhala Sun, & 100 Most Influential People in Health & Fitness 2011 by "Greatist", Waylon is a mediocre climber, lazy yogi, 365-day bicycle commuter & best friend to Redford (his rescue hound). His aim: to bring the good news re: "the mindful life" beyond the choir & to all those who didn't know they gave a care. | His first book, Things I would like to do with You, is now available.


3 Responses to “Boring is the new Black.”

  1. And "quiet is the new loud" too! I agree, romcoms are unhealthy (or at least if you take them to heart). I have a theory that the real part of why it's so exciting in the beginning of a relationship is that you hope it will eventually get to the calm, unlimited friendliness part.

    My own personal downfall is sometimes avoiding disagreements because I want to avoid drama…I guess it's about balance, like everything else.

  2. Jenn says:

    I can honestly say the boring, in my own experience, is blissful. We have had an occasional RomCom (had to google that btw) moment but they are fewer and farther between as we settled into our own relationships personality, it is a constant process. It is also an this inside looking out perspective that we have both realize the heartache and pain people inflict on each other in the name of love-leading to a very how not to act mantra.

    All is well with this but I, personally, don't think/ have never seen this work without complete adoration for the other one. It seems that in most cases this is the subsequent relationship to the relationship from hell. With that adoration has to come a developed sense of equals IMO. Without adoration and partnership I am sure I would slip down that slippery slope of over the top antics and attention seeking.

  3. boulderwind says: