Mint & Chocolate Was a Bad Idea: Or, How To Succeed in Finals Without Really Trying.

Via Lauren Hanna
on Dec 13, 2011
get elephant's newsletter

I am restless.

I left the house at 2:11 p.m. for the first time today. The combination of Christmas lights on the tree and hot sun streaming in through the blinds made me sleepy. My grocery bill was $49.10. I bought 17 items. I bought a red grapefruit – and then a second in case I decided to eat the first.

On my way to Acme I passed a chiropractor that asked if I had sciatica. Yes! I thought – how did they know? Or, at least, I’ve self-diagnosed myself with sciatica. I live with two medical students. I shouldn’t have to self-diagnose myself.

When I got home I couldn’t pull into the driveway because the neighbor was having work done on his house and the contractor was blocking my driveway. I parked in the lot. I decided to be friendly – “How’s it going?” I asked the contractor. He had a moustache.

Before unloading the groceries I gave the cats their present. I found a fleece blanket for $3.99 at the grocery store. Can’t beat that. Put the fleece in their hideout and realized the room smelled so I emptied the litter box. Then the other two litter boxes as well. Now the trash smelled so I took the trash out. Thought it might be lonely, so I brought the recycling downstairs as well.

I was designated the third shelf in the pantry for all of my groceries. I am the tallest of the three roommates, so this makes sense. Sometimes, though, I forget I have groceries up there and the $5.99 bag of dried mango I just bought is sad. So I decide to put the dried mango on the first shelf.

Funny that more than one mango becomes mangos, but more than one piece of dried mango is still just dried mango.

I’m in graduate school. I probably have carpal tunnel in my right hand, because why else would my fingers feel weak and my wrist have a numbing sensation? I bought a typing brace off of my Amazon Prime account. It shipped in 2 days. I’m not wearing it as I type.

I just put the brace on and it feels a bit better. What was I saying again? Oh yeah, I’m in graduate school. When I woke up at 8:11 this morning I started studying and have been trying to focus but I’m pretty sure I have ADD. I know that I woke up at 8:11 because I have a new app on my phone – Sleep Cycle. It wakes me in my lightest sleep cycle so that I wake up feeling energized. I’m pretty sure it works. It also shows when I wake up in the middle of the night – according to the app, I wake up at 2, 3 and 4 a.m. most regularly. It makes a graph, which makes me feel like the $0.99 was well spent.

They say you shouldn’t go shopping on an empty stomach. So I didn’t. I had a pleasant exchange with the woman at the cash register who had an accent that I couldn’t place. She told me I was skinny. She equated this to the fact that I owned cats.


What’s very funny about my work habits is that, I can’t just sit down to do something. No. I need something to drink. I also like to be warm, but not too warm. So sometimes I put a heated rice pack on my shoulders. My toes can’t be cold. I usually wear long sleeves because the table is usually cold as I rest my arms to type. I realize things I’ve forgotten to do, people I’ve forgotten to e-mail back, and decide to act as though I haven’t remembered about it all and keep going about what I am doing. Facebook is like a tick. I’m pretty sure there will be a medical diagnosis some day that includes the word Facebook in it.

Am I the only person in the world who can’t drink water without it dribbling out of my mouth just a little bit?

The chocolate chip cookies on the counter have been there for a few weeks. They don’t taste very good. But I eat them anyways. I want to get toffee at the grocery store, but the basket is already too heavy and the candy aisle is far away. I try looking in the reduced sale section, but they only have milk chocolate and Christmas-themed chocolate supplies. There are no Hanukah-themed chocolate supplies.

Why did someone think mint and chocolate was a good idea? Why is mint associated with the holidays?

I think about getting ice cream, but buy Rolos instead. Rolos are cheaper than Hershey kisses, but they technically have more ingredients: caramel and chocolate as opposed to just … chocolate.

I dated a boy named Rolo once. I wonder what he’s up to now. Wonder if we’re friends on Facebook. Let me check.

Microsoft Word shows that I misspelled Facebook. Should it not be capitalized? Why isn’t Facebook in the English Dictionary yet?

I’m not sure how well I’m going to do on this test tomorrow. I read through the material twice, plus some. I went to every class. I didn’t do any readings.

Maybe I should have read more.

Rolo is on Facebook – but we’re not friends.

I’m teaching a sold-out yoga class tonight. Can yams go bad?

Happy Finals Week everyone. This too shall pass.


About Lauren Hanna

Lauren Hanna, E-RYT 200, MSS Candidate, is a social worker by day and yoga ninja by night. It was in Pittsburgh that she first discovered the thrill of yoga and her love for social welfare and animal rescue work. With her cats Lotus and Calia in tow, Lauren hopes to someday combine her love for yoga and animal welfare with her career as a social worker. Lauren likes to dream a lot about saving the world – one puppy, kitten and human at a time. Lauren also loves cobblestone streets, arts & crafts, action movies and writing books with her Grandmother. If she had a billion dollars she'd probably spend it all here. Follow her @laurenfoste.


3 Responses to “Mint & Chocolate Was a Bad Idea: Or, How To Succeed in Finals Without Really Trying.”

  1. Hahahhahahha! My finals week was last week & I can totally relate! Also relate to the self-diagnosing…the downside of being an A student in Pathology and having a vivid imagination is that I turn my recent migraines into frontal glioblastomas;)

    Shopping on an empty stomach = bad news…went to the store with no list, forgot one of the two things I needed to buy, came home with kumquats and wasabi rice crackers!!

    Good luck with finals — write out that angst & get back to work!!

    P.S. there is a super easy orthopedic test you can do to tell if it's sciatica or piriformis syndrome called the straight leg test….most likely it's the latter.

  2. Tanya Lee Markul says:

    LOL! Lauren, you are HILARIOUS. I LOVE that you wrote this and shared it with all of us. You're amazing.

    Posting to Elephant Yoga on Facebook and Twitter.

    Tanya Lee Markul, Yoga Editor
    Join us! Like Elephant Yoga on Facebook
    Follow on Twitter

    Just posted to "Featured Today" on the Elephant Yoga homepage. Like Elephant Yoga on Facebook.

  3. Thanks Tanya!! It was all I could do not to go crazy yesterday!