February 13, 2012

Being Single. ~ Tatum Bacchi

(Photo: Youtube)

Being single is not synonymous with being lonely, bitter and broken.

I’m not sure when the world decided that I need crappy advice to “get through” the holidays because I’m single, but lately it seems like I’m inundated with bad advice as each holiday approaches. I ranted briefly about this issue at Christmas when I read an article about single women surviving the holidays. I can’t remember the title. It should have been “Worst Advice for Single Women. Ever.” The article goes on to discuss things like buying yourself Christmas presents and putting them under the tree. Really? and inviting your single friends over for dinner. Great advice. In fact, my friends and I do this. We call it Wednesday. And you don’t have to be single to be involved. We don’t discriminate like that.  Crazy right?

I know. And I’m steeling myself for more horrible advice as the world prepares for my suicide watch because I’m single on Valentine’s Day. Which, for the record, is the world’s most ridiculous “holiday.” I say this, not because I’m single (although I am) or bitter (which I am not.)  But really, what is the point of this “holiday?”  Let’s suspend reality for a moment and assume that Valentine’s Day is not a day created by Hallmark to drive up sales in the off season.

Let’s assume for conversation purposes that Valentine’s Day is about celebrating life with the one you love.

Shouldn’t you be doing this every day?  I mean honestly, you do not need special day on the calendar to express your love for your partner. If you need to put it on the calendar to remind you to do something special for the love of  your life, put it on the calendar every day until it becomes habit. Expressing love is not about over-priced flowers and dinners. It’s not about getting the “right” pieces of jewelry or the perfect lingerie before February 14th rolls around again. Love is about listening to your partner, learning what they need to feel loved and providing it. Every day. Love isn’t something that needs to be saved for a special occasion.

And love isn’t something that needs to be saved for just one person. Look, I’m a certified “I love you slut.”  I say it to everyone all the time.  I don’t believe for a moment that it’s meaning is diminished by over use. I think that we all long to be loved and to hear the words “I love you.” So say them. I say it to my parents and grandparents, my brother, my god-daughter. I tell my friends I love them when they’re sad and need to know someone cares. And when they’re happy and they’re celebrating.  And when I hang up with the friends that I don’t get to see or talk to enough. And to my dogs. They totally understand.

And I love you.  Thank you for reading this.  It makes me feel loved.

If someone wants to provide me with advice for being single on Valentine’s Day, I don’t need it. My life is amazing. Please don’t tell me to buy myself a piece of jewelry to make myself feel better.  I don’t need to feel better because I don’t feel bad.  I’m not lonely.  I’m not sad.

Still feel the need to give me advice on being single? Here’s what I need advice on…  How do I not become indignant when people share useless advice because they assume that I’m dying inside being surrounded by blissful couples celebrating Valentine’s Day? Happy couples do not make me sad or jealous. They make me happy. See, happiness is contagious. So yeah, I get irritable when people infer that I need to do something to make myself happy on Valentine’s Day. I don’t. I pretty much do something to make myself happy every day. I’m good.

So, hold the advice and spread the love.

Oh, and speaking of ridiculous holidays and spreading affection, St. Patrick’s Day is right around the corner. Who wants to buy me a beer? (Hold the green dye, please.) Because let’s face it, Kay Jewelers is wrong. On any given night more kisses begin with beer than with Kay. Which is why beer wins.


Edited by Kate Bartolotta.

Tatum Bacchi is just a girl with a very loud brain, trying to tame some of those crazy thoughts by pounding the keyboard. She’s a runner, a vegan and an aspiring yogi. A girl trying to figure out her place in a frantic world and maybe save a little bit of that world on her way. Her motto is it grow, grow, grow and never grow up. You can follow her at www.tatumann.com or on twitter at @tatumbacchi.

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