If Chuck Norris Did Yoga.

Via Tanya Lee Markul
on Mar 31, 2012
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It’s time to go Chuck Norris on Yoga.

The infamous Chuck Norris jokes make me laugh every time—coming across them again last night, I thought it was time for Chuck to have a yoga collection. With all due respect to Chuck, here they are:

1. If Chuck Norris did yoga, there’d be only one guru—Chuck Norris.

2. Chuck Norris doesn’t lose his balance in any posture—balance loses to Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris always wins.

3. Chuck Norris has an extra chakra—it circles his waist and looks like a black belt. It’s known as the “roundhouse kick the sh*t out of your chakra.”

4. When Chuck Norris does Sun Salutations, the sun rises…regardless of the time of day.

5. Chuck Norris never worries facing his dark side—he faced it when he was two and no one ever saw it again.

6. Chuck Norris once sailed around the world…in boat pose.

7. Chuck Norris’ yoga adjustments can never be undone.

8. Practice and all is coming—so is Chuck Norris. So get the hell out of there.

9. Chuck Norris didn’t read the Yoga Sutras, he stared them down until he got the information he wanted.

10. The guy in bed in the Equinox video is, of course…Chuck Norris.

11. When Chuck Norris does an inversion, he doesn’t go upside down, he tips the Universe over.

12. Chuck Norris once inhaled for 108 seconds—108 thousand seconds.

13. Chuck Norris’ students have been known to lie in Savasana for eternity.

14. Chuck Norris makes ToeSox look cool.

15. When Chuck Norris inquires within, he completely disappears.

16. Chuck Norris invented a new yoga posture: the Round House Kick Asana.

17. When Chuck Norris practices breath of fire, he actually breathes fire.

18. Chuck Norris once completed the entire sixth series of Ashtanga Yoga in a single breath.

19. Chuck Norris’ drishti…is X-ray.

20. The Richter scale was increased from 10.0 to 11.0 after Chuck Norris engaged in mula bandha.

21. ‎”Chuck Norris” is Chuck Norris’ mantra.

Can you think of any more? I’d love to hear them. Send them to me— I’ll add them to the list! 

Read more:

19 Ways To Create Good Karma.

Why Does Your Yoga Mat Say ‘Welcome’?

Video: Stressed-out Yoga Chick.

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About Tanya Lee Markul

Luring the magic of what is natural back into our daily lives, Tanya Markul is a freer of creativity, of inner beauty + power, and an enthusiastic igniter of the wild spirit! She re-writing the wild flower sutras, and offers a refreshing & badass view on spirituality, wellness & authentic living. Sensitivity is her tree trunk, flower stem, and nucleus. It is her belly, and her heart. Tanya is an artist of life, a faery of trees, a wanderer of the dark, a writer of heart, a misfit yogini, and an Urban Priestess apprentice. She believes in the power of your personal weird, quirky, magic, and that only path toward inner freedom & light, is through the dark — eyes closed, heart open. Tanya is the creator of The Urban Howl, Yoga Write Now & Waking Wild. Join her free forum for monthly yoga & writing practices here. Join her free forum for 30 days of exercise for 30 days here. Join her on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter & get her free weekly & quirky newsletter here.


26 Responses to “If Chuck Norris Did Yoga.”

  1. drunkandfull says:

    Chuck Norris has meditated for eternity, twice!

  2. Sandy says:

    #21 Chuck Norris doesn't push up from chaturanga, he pushes the earth DOWN. 🙂

  3. Tanya Lee Markul says:

    Ah! Good one!

  4. Tanya Lee Markul says:

    Haha! Love it!

  5. Markulianite says:

    some thoughts…
    Chuck Norris doesn't do Sun Salutations; the sun salutes Chuck Norris.
    Chuck Norris will correct your posture/pronunciation/doshic balance… with a kick to your face!
    Chuck Norris stopped the halahala… with his fist!
    Chuck Norris stops mental fluctuations… with his fist!
    When Chuck Norris focuses on one point, he actually becomes one-dimensional.
    Every time Chuck Norris says Aum, a new universe is created. Every time.
    When Kama tries to disturb Chuck Norris, he sends the formless one running, with a bloody nose!
    Chuck Norris doesn't need to play at the edge, he is the edge.
    Chunk Norris doesn't cut through the ego, he breaks it… with his bare hands, hyaa!
    When Chuck Norris goes vegan, everyone goes vegan. Everyone.

  6. Tanya Lee Markul says:

    Posted to Elephant Yoga on Facebook and Twitter.

    Tanya Lee Markul, Yoga Editor
    Like Elephant Yoga on Facebook
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  7. Tanya Lee Markul says:

    Oh my gosh—I'm in love! Love them! Thank you so much!

  8. NRGY says:

    Wow, this made my day!!! Lol

  9. Stacey Turrini says:

    Shiva chants; Om Namah Chuck Norris!

  10. James says:

    That was so awesome…. Havne't laughed that hard in a while… thank you!

  11. Shawna says:

    Wonderful! I love these!
    Keep'em coming!

  12. Andrew Gurvey says:

    These are AWESOME!!!!

  13. Jess Wallin says:

    Love this!

  14. Tanya Lee Markul says:

    That's awesome James!!

  15. Tanya Lee Markul says:


  16. Tanya Lee Markul says:

    Thanks you!! So fun!!

  17. katybrandes says:

    I need that this morning – thanks! 🙂

  18. Ryan says:

    Chuk Norris does handstand…with both hands tied behind his back.

  19. Ryan says:

    Chuck 😉

  20. namastehon says:

    Chuck Norris doesn't do chakrasana – he does Chuck-rasana!

  21. Tanya Lee Markul says:

    You are so welcome! Thanks for checking it out!

  22. Tanya Lee Markul says:

    Love it!

  23. Tanya Lee Markul says:

    Precisely. 😉

  24. Tanya Lee Markul says:

    HAHA! awesome.

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