March 10, 2012

Rush Limbaugh, Pick Meeeeeeee!

So I hear it’s open season on intelligent, outspoken women with advanced degrees.

I’m thinking, once again, “What about meeeeee?”

The latest woman to be attacked by conservative pundit Rush Limbaugh on his radio program is Tracie McMillan, who spent a year at low-paying jobs in order to write a first-hand book called, “The American Way of Eating.” Although he didn’t call McMillan a slut or a prostitute (but you know, there’s still time), he did say she was an “authorette,” and “over-educated—doesn’t mean intelligent.” My favorite part is that he said she is one of “all these young single white women who are threatening American’s freedoms.”

Well somebody pick up the phone. Hello? Mr. Limbaugh? I know this woman who is really freaking over-educated and she spends her day trying to put both feet behind her head on a yoga mat. What a sluuuuuut!

The reason I want to be on the Rush Limbaugh show is I am desperately trying to revive the publishing industry, and I think Limbaugh may be my man. If you have ever published a book, or written a book, or even read a book, I have news for you: this business has changed.

I was speaking recently with a video producer who wants to put my next book, due in August, on a DVD. She was politely trying to tell me that nobody wants to buy a real book anymore; they just want to download it in six minutes or less.  That noise you hear, the dinosaur in the room, is me typing away. (By the way, I think she might be right).

Now that I am trying to sell my current book, “Finding More on the Mat: How I Grew Better, Wiser and Stronger through Yoga,” I am discovering that the new paradigm is you have to do this yourself. The publishing companies are way too busy researching what Pippa Middleton is going to wear to her next dinner party. They have no time, or resources, or interest in helping authors, especially those they never heard of, sell any books.

Therefore, Rush Limbaugh might just be my man. Until 15 minutes ago, you never heard of Tracie McMillan, or the Georgetown law student Limbaugh called a slut because she testified before Congress. In fact, you probably had no idea there were so many of us slutty women who are trying to make a difference in the world. And I know you never heard of me!

So Mr. Limbaugh, please consider me for your next attack campaign. I am super over-educated (Masters Degree from Columbia University) and I’m not very smart (I had no idea that people had stopped reading books just when I started to publish them).  And after practicing yoga six times a week for 12 years I can put both feet behind my head and do the full splits. I’m perfect, really, for being the next slutty woman to threaten America’s freedoms.

Please, have your people call my people. I’ll be waiting by the phone.



Editor: Kate Bartolotta

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