The Inconsistent Man. ~ Stephanie Bailey

Via Stephanie Bailey
on Mar 15, 2012
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Photo: Ed Yourdon

Being with someone who’s consistent in their actions can be a great feeling, but when they suddenly stop, it’s usually a big sign that something is wrong. When a guy switches gears and becomes inconsistent it’s hard not to panic inside and wonder what’s going on.

On the other hand, a guy who is consistent with his actions, communicates every day through calling and text messages, sees you one night every weekend, and finds time during the week to hangout, makes you feel secure.

This type of consistency usually goes hand in hand with trust. When you feel trust with a guy it puts your mind at ease, adds a smile to your face, makes you skip in your step and gives you butterflies of joy when you think of him.

When you’re with a consistent guy, you know how he feels without having to “define” the relationship; actions speak louder than words. If he makes the time to call you every day, it shows without saying a word that he likes you.

Since woman have a natural intuition, when a guy stops being consistent, the first thought that’s formed often is, “did he lose his phone, was he in an accident of some sort?” As more time passes and he hasn’t returned your phone call or text, you start to worry, which leads to questions like, “Is he no longer interested, or had he met someone else? Yes, and probably yes!

Men are creatures of habits. They show how they feel through their actions. If a guy never calls, it’s straight forward—he’s not interested. If for weeks or months he makes time to see you and then all of a sudden he’s too busy, there’s someone else in the picture. If he contacts you every day and then stops, he’s probably lost interest.

Why does inconsistency happen?

Most of the time you’ll never know. Since you usually didn’t see it coming (or so you tell yourself), there is no way of preventing it.

There are guys who have been jaded when it comes to relationships and love. They will put in the effort in the beginning; consistency, but still have their hearts guarded. When a guy has been hurt in the past (as most of us have) causing trust issues (as many of have), he will look for reasons to escape a relationship in order to prevent his heart from being broken again.

Figure out the best way to express what you’re feeling in a constructive and simple way; men stop listening when you shout or become too wordy and emotional.

Ladies, no one is perfect. If you can’t be yourself or share things about yourself, past or present, without the guy you are in a relationship with running the other direction, he is not right for you. Everything you go through in life, be it great or challenging, happens for a reason. Your past makes you, you.

Life is too short to have regrets or wish you could have changed anything about yourself. You are wonderful the way you are and the right guy will see value and respect you and not runaway. If a guy continues to be inconsistent, don’t wait around hoping he will change.

Love yourself enough to be consistent in your own values.

Move on with your life.


Editor: Brianna Bemel


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About Stephanie Bailey

Stephanie Bailey’s passion is writing about love, dating, and relationships. Stephanie writes based on her own personal experiences because she has dated a variety of men throughout her life…probably too many to admit. She finds it therapeutic and helpful to share what she experienced with the world. Although dating can be frustrating at times, she believes that it is important to remember that each date is a lesson in itself. Through best (and worst) relationships, the most ideal characteristics desired in a significant other are realized.

Although Stephanie’s experiences may not connect with everyone, her intention is not to give dating/relationships a negative connotation. The purpose of her articles and book are to give honest insight, touch a few hearts, produce some giggles, and empower those when it comes to finding love. Her articles can also be found here.


11 Responses to “The Inconsistent Man. ~ Stephanie Bailey”

  1. nancy tompkins says:

    The whole idea of being able to trust any friend or companion is such a wonderful one—Being consistent is certainly one way to figure out who's loyal to you and who's not—Often times the person you'd love to trust is on a totally different wave length- and, that's what hurts—

    Loved reading Stephanie's take on all of this—keep pouring it out, Stephanie, who knows how many people you may help by putting these values into words—Especially, I loved the part about believing in yourself and realizing how remarkable you really are—–Nancy Tompkins

  2. […] Men would actually open doors (including the car) for women. They would pick you up for a date and drop you off in front of an establishment if the weather was bad, instead of having you walk, and offer their coats if it was cold outside. If you were walking together they would walk on the side of traffic and hold your hand. These same men would even pull your chair out for you and stand up when you left the table. All of this is nice and appreciated, but considered Business Class chivalry! […]

  3. Stephanie Bailey says:

    Thank you Nancy for your kind comment. Everything I write is from personal experience and I pass my knowledge on from what I have observed as well as learned to hopefully help and connect with others.
    Writing my experiences and sharing them with others is my passion. Thank you for reading!

  4. Nancy says:

    I was seeing this guy as a friend. We actually worked with each other for 15 years before all of this happened. He has a wife who is dying with Emphasema. He was very consistent…then all of a sudden became inconsistent with his actions…What I don't understand is…he completeley cut me off without an explanation after we were friends for 15 years. He's done this in the past with no explanation or/apology;so I am not surprised. It is still hurtful. I also think it is in poor-taste and dis-respectful. I know he is going through a sensitive time with his wife dying but;to completeley cut someone off without even a good-bye or/explanation???!…He mentioned before he cut me off his wife coming home to be on a ventilator and he would have to be home 24/7 to take care of her. I understand that. But;I can't think of ANYTHING I could have done to trigger this! Can someone give me advice on this?……..-Nancy

  5. Priscilla says:

    I love this article. I see this published in cosmopolitan magazine.
    It really says a lot and a person needs to be self aware to understand it isnt something they did. (most of the time). The worst is when you keep hanging on. I say “move on” why worry about some dude that doesn’t have enough manners or balls to say. “I’m done”

  6. Ms. B says:

    I needed this.

  7. Rashel says:

    Going through this inconsistency phase now and I've tried to voice my concern but like you said, too much emotion and words and he runs away. Don't know what to do but this was a nice read to know I'm not the only one to have been going through this. Thank you!

  8. Blenny says:

    Or, he could be suffering depression, anxiety, any number of emotional issues. Communicate, love, know, respect yourself and your man, kill assumptions, if all else fails and communications are totally down, listen to your inner-knowing. Don’t take disrespect but remember it’s not all about you. Real trust doesn’t rely on routine for it’s strength, it doesn’t rely on a call every Tuesday at 5, trust is letting someone fly far away without fear, without grasping, without need of certainty.

  9. Dolly says:

    I once dated a guy for four months who was very consistent. Hell, he even hung out with me when he got sick. He refused to cancel our plans. But when I approached him about wanting a committed, monogamous relationship, he said he wasn’t ready for that. Needless to say, we ended it. My point is I never know with guys these days. They’re a strange breed. I thought he was really into me because of his consistency. It turned out he was more interested in dating (fucking) multiple girls. :/

  10. Christina says:

    It sounds like he needs time to focus his energies towards what is truly important. You were driers for a long time and and maybe je thinks that a true friend also has to accept his disconnect every now and then. Especially given his situation (which is one of the hardest things a person can go through) I’m sure he would he grateful for a friend who simply understands and listens and doesn’t complain about getting less attention. Maybe you could even ask him if he needs help with something instead of taking it personally. But then again I don’t know enough about the story, so sorry if that sounds a little harsh.

  11. Mas says:

    I had this guy I used to know and liked but he never contacted me ever since an incident happend and yet he still post on facebook as though he likes me. He would talk to everyone else except me or add me as a friend. I think he did like me at one point but he never did anything about it. I just don’t think that’s really nice of him. If he doesn’t like me, then why post stuff on facebook as though he does and then never contact me but contact someone else instead ?