I’m All Natural, with Breast Implants.

Via Rebecca Lammersen
on Apr 2, 2012
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Photo: Rebecca Lammersen

I am a natural girl.

Mascara and the occasional eyeliner encase my eyes. I have fair pale skin that I have no intention of shellacking with bronzer. I hide my high heels deep in my closet, and excavate them like dinosaur bones on special occasions. I live in flip-flops I bought at Target. I welcome each little wrinkle that nestles itself on the surface of my skin. I love my age and welcome every year with open arms. I bow gracefully to the year behind for ripening my body and spirit and for leaving me with experiences and knowledge.

After 32 years, I can say that I have accepted my body. I am thankful for the body I have and the way it has gifted me over the years.

I love my body for granting me the freedom to experience life. I have climbed up mountains, skied down mountains, sailed the seas, traveled across the world, ran hundreds of miles, dove meters under the ocean and danced for hours on end. I can stand on my hands, my head and my feet with ease.

I have made love, given birth, breast-fed two babies, miscarried, starved myself, fed myself, hurt myself and healed myself.

I loaded 60 pounds on my petite frame with each of my pregnancies and lost all of the weight with patience, some healthy food and a daily yoga practice.

I love the strength, stamina and resilience of my body. I love my scars, my imbalances, my freckles, my moles. I love that my ears poke out just a little, and my nose has a tiny bump from falling on my face when I was four years old.

I am flawed and imperfect. I am all natural. I am all natural, with breast implants. They are a part of my body and have been since I was 18 years old.

Most people are shocked when they find out. I listen to the judgments and angry comments when a woman walks by with obvious enhancements.

“That is so gross. That is so unnatural. Why would anyone do that to themselves?”

I look up with a little grin and say, “I have them.”

“What? No you don’t!  You?”

Yes, the all natural gal on the spiritual journey has breast implants.

The woman who helps other women embrace who they are on the inside and accept what’s on the outside, has silicone under her flesh.

Some might call me a walking busty oxymoron or a hypocrite. I am not. I made a decision at the age of 18, and as my motto goes, I never regret anything I do or say because I meant to do or say it at that time. I made a choice to have implants and I am secure and content with the decision I made.

My father was a plastic and reconstructive surgeon. His work was concentrated in reconstruction of wounds and deformities, including babies born with cleft lips and palates, facial and hand deformities, burns, tumors. You name it, he did it. He removed, reconnected, restored and healed thousands of patients.

I used to go on rounds with him at the hospital and had the privilege of suiting up in surgical pajamas and headgear to observe his work. I watched as he constructed an ear out of cartilage from rib, placing it beneath the skin on the side of a little boy’s skull. I watched as he put people back together like Mr. Potato Head. I was not privy to the world of insecure women who tried to bandage themselves with a little nip and tuck, thinking it would fix the gash in their self-worth and the rift in their marriage.

At 18, I approached my father from a place of pragmatism and maturity. I was skinny. The four years of starvation had taken a toll on my body and I looked like a boy, well not really, but the boob fairy definitely forgot to visit my chest. I was not dysmorphic about my body, yet when I looked in the mirror, what I saw did not match what I felt in my heart. I felt like a powerful, sensual, curvaceous, sexy woman and I wanted that feeling to physically manifest. I loved the idea of a little curve, a little substance to my figure that I could see and feel. I knew I did not want my breasts to be my handshake, I wanted them to blend in with the landscape of my body. My dad always said, if there was anything he could do to assist me in feeling as confident as I could, he would help. Who better than the man who created me, to give me what I wanted, breasts.

I knew that proceeding with the surgery meant I would be left with a scar. Cutting into flesh never goes forgotten by the derma, but that is what made my father an artist and master. He sutured with grace.

The scars left by his healing threads were just traceable for the patient to see, so they could always remember what they had healed from. Every moment of life lived, leaves us with a scar whether in our mind or on our body. A scar is a reminder and souvenir of the choices we have made on our path.

In my eyes, scars are beautiful. We are meant to get cut, scraped and worn from our years of living. Life is one big pumice stone that erodes away our newness and replaces it with age, experience, knowledge and wisdom (if we choose to learn from our experiences).

A scar may come in the form of a memory, a scar on our skin, a tattoo, a relationship that birthed from a choice we made, a possession we own, or anything else that leaves a trail or a mark of  how we have lived and the choices we make along the way. My breast implants are two scars from a period of my life, and for that, I embrace them and my choice completely.

The decision itself is a scar upon my true path.

Photo: matthewlucas

Cosmetic alterations become dangerous to our identity and well-being when they are founded on emptiness and honored as fullness.

If a woman has a facelift and is kind, generous, accepts the people around her and lives a life of service and goodness, then a facelift is only a facelift. The facelift is an alteration, like hemming the fabric of her skirt to fit her figure.

Another woman may have the same procedure, but she does not love herself. She is not fulfilled with her life, the people in her life, or herself. Nothing satisfies her and therefore, her facelift is detrimental to her well-being. She was depending on the facelift to bring her happiness, but it never will because she is empty on the inside. She will bring her skirt to be hemmed, but be unsatisfied with the work done because she is discontented and unaccepting of her being.

There is an epidemic of addiction to cosmetic surgery today. There are people who are obsessed with altering their outside. There is a thought process that leads to a belief, the “if I only changed____, I would be happy” belief.

It does not work.

People will stuff and tighten themselves to an unrecognizable state, and the result is suffering and misery. When we are full on the inside, everything fills us on the outside too.

When I was 18, I fell in the middle on the contentment spectrum when it came to my body. I now know that the voluptuous woman I was yearning for on the outside needed to be filled inside first. My spirit was crying out to be heard and acknowledged.

So, I experimented with different methods of giving her attention. I used my breasts to get attention. In college, I flashed them on spring break in Mexico. I squeezed them into little tops as a bull’s eye to a man’s libido, and I got attention. I got attention that was vapid and insincere because I was not being sincere with myself.

What we give ourselves is what we receive from others. I was giving myself nothing. Something was missing, something was lacking. I didn’t like myself, so I lived outside myself for a while, and then I remembered the mature 18 year old that had approached her father about her outside. I addressed myself the same way. I reminded myself that my breasts were just an enhancement to my body. I told myself the work needed to be done to enhance my spirit. Sure, I did it backwards, but that was my journey. I honor and love my body for allowing me to live and function healthfully in this world, but it does not define me. Having small breasts or implants has no bearing on my depth and the goodness that resides within me. Now, I bare my soul not my breasts.

I have asked myself, “Would I have the surgery today if I had never had it done before?”

My answer is, I don’t know. The fact is, I did it and I have implants. A couple of years ago, I had to have a replacement operation. It was necessary. I did consider removing them and not replacing them, but they became a part of my body like a pet does when it is adopted into a family. They became part of my structure. I had formed a thin layer of scar tissue around them. My body had healed around them as if hugging them into place. I wanted to keep them.

In reflection, I acknowledge they assisted me in the acceptance of my body. It looked right, from the moment I removed the bandages 15 years ago. The surgery was like hanging the last painting on the wall after moving into a new house, and living with implants is like living in that new house day after day, year after year. I still notice and appreciate the painting I hung that first day, but my awareness has shifted to how good I feel living within the warm walls of my home.

We are gifted with the body we have in order to live our lives. We have free will to do with it what we want. We have a choice to take care of it, hurt it, neglect it, honor it, fix it, not fix it, renovate it or keep it the same just as we would our home. Just like any home, it isn’t the home that makes the owner happy, it is the owner that makes the home happy. My body is my home and it is now a happy home.

I know my happiness is not contingent on the size of my breasts, but I do smile when I look in the mirror. I smile at it all. I smile because my body is covered with scars of a life lived. I smile because I’ve lived another day and have wrinkles to show for it. I smile because I can still see stretch marks from my pregnancies and that scar from when I fell from my bike at five years old. I smile because I can see the happiness from the inside permeating on the outside. I smile because my breasts remind me of how far I have come—how I grew from a flat chested spirit to a voluptuous spirit. Not to mention, I really love my curves.

By Rebecca Lammersen

~

Editor: Brianna Bemel


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About Rebecca Lammersen

Rebecca Lammersen is the founder of Yogalution, an intimate, boutique style yoga studio in Scottsdale, AZ. I love being alive. I love being a mother. I love teaching yoga. I love to write. I love to know. I love to not know. I love to learn. I love to listen. I love to read. I love to swim. I love to travel. I love to dance. I love to help. I love to serve. That pretty much sums me up. For daily inspirations, check out Rebecca's website. Visit her yoga studio website and peruse her articles at The Huffington Post. You can also find her on Facebook. Subscribe to Rebecca's feed and never miss a post!

Comments

134 Responses to “I’m All Natural, with Breast Implants.”

  1. @burtlo says:

    Thank you for sharing your story. Once again, I'm humbled to more fully learn and understand why people make the choices that they do, and to have the opportunity to challenge my judgments and prejudices. I'm happy that you're happy, and I honor your choices as fully as I can. I'm deeply grateful for your willingness to share so much of yourself.

  2. narayan says:

    every time you slice into your body you are doing damage to your nervous system …that alone i would hope, would keep someone from doing a surgery of any kind especially when truly unnecessary… all disease starts in the nervous system …so when u slice into it you are leaving the body vulnerable… the way we live in the modern world does enough damage to mind body and spirit let alone putting foreign objects in our body.

    to chose cosmetic surgery is purely ego driven!… no if ands or buts … the ego in need of feeling good about the body it was given … what really is in need of addressing is the body dis morphia and the issues the writer has about her body … not filling a page with excuses for what choices she has made and then to congratulate her for being brave to tell it … brave would be coming out and saying i made a mistake i wish i could chose differently …. that would be brave… bless narayan

  3. devacat says:

    So sad. A decision at 18 lasts forever.

  4. hayogaha says:

    I am against implanting a foreign object in my body, but if I needed a stint in my heart I wouldn't hesitate. I, too was flat chested and wanted to have breast implants but couldn't afford it. I searched and searched for pictures of real women who had implants (doctors photos) and only saw a few that looked good and looked real. I only wanted them because men kept putting me down, saying things like: I though they were bigger. Or she (the one w/big tats) has a #10 body. Etc., etc.,. Yes, our patriarchy has created a nation of insecure or competitive women who spend thousands of money on clothes makeup and breast implant,s botox, but even before there was all that men still cheated, abandoned their famiiles and beat their wives. Hmmm? So what's the point? Now that I'm older and carrying a little extra weight on my body, I would give anything to have my skinny body back, flat-chest and all. Oh, and I've officially "croned" (beyond dating) myself so I don't care what the men think either!!

  5. Tina says:

    I consider it as spiritual relation and that of more like humanistic Relation between father daughter the love of Father understood an 18 year old humans "need"as another Person …No way it states or Implies an Acceptance of inadequacy but it is Acceptance & True Love Says "I want for you what You want for you "Very Humanly Understanding of a Father with much Humility that is my perception

  6. emilyo says:

    Hmm, this makes me a little bit sad. As if by "having a flat chest" means also a flat spirit. But by having voluptuous breasts a woman can be a "real" more womanly woman. I've never experienced cosmetic or reconstructive surgery; perhaps it does encourage true nature to shine through.

  7. allie says:

    I loved your article. It gave me new insight into something I myself have been guilty of judging. I do believe that one has to make ones own decisions and that if surgery brings peace into your life and acceptance of self than it is good. The problem is often that the expectations of how surgery will change someone and the reality are often completely out of sync. Thanks for sharing your journey.

  8. madhya says:

    I'm sorry, I just don't buy it. If you really loved yourself and embraced what it is to be a woman, a real woman, you would have had your implants removed. You are perpetuating the objectification of women. We, as women, must stop letting men define what a woman should look like- and stop objectifying ourselves. When we do this, we will know our real power as women.

  9. madhya says:

    couldn't agree more with you. sounds like she is trying to find a way to justify having implants, to herself and the rest of us. but i don't buy it.

  10. Heather says:

    Thank you SO much for this article! I too, have implants and I hear it all the time. You??? What?? I also stand behind my decision. I was younger and less in touch, but I embrace that version of me just as much as I embrace the woman I am now. Kudos to you for writing this.

  11. Heather says:

    do you not smile when you look in the mirror? Do you not augment your physical being with flattering clothing? Do you brush your hair? Groom yourself?

  12. Heather says:

    Thank you SO much for this article! I too, have implants and I hear it all the time. You??? What?? I also stand behind my decision. I was younger and less in touch, but I embrace that version of me just as much as I embrace the woman I am now. Kudos to you for writing this.

  13. trishaolsson says:

    Thanks Rebecca for such a brave article. I teach yoga and as well have breast implants that I've had since I was 18. Our stories and how we got to where we are make us better teachers. If we never had anything to learn from that changed us and made us see the world differently, I think we would be less interesting as teachers.

  14. nospamreceived says:

    Believe want you want, but "all-natural" & implants are contradictory terms. Unless you transplanted fat tissue from one part of your body to another.

  15. Krystie says:

    I understand the essence here, the acceptance and love for one's self, but then you go on to say you had 'flat breasts' as if you could not possibly be voluminous without breast that were your idea of the correct ratio. I disagree. I struggled with this for years, wanting implants, wanting to change my body and I am very glad that I didn't. Not to say there is anything wrong with doing it, I think it's a personal decision, but I think this article plays up a man's idea of beautiful and sexy and I think from an early age this passed down and smacking us in the face like jagged razors until we feel less than perfect. My point is, I have small breasts, they are round and perky and once I got to a place where I loved my body and really appreciated it, I found them sexy and beautiful and voluminous. I found curves when I stopped looking at the mainstream idea of curves- gentle curves around my hips, breasts, in my muscle body. I didn't need something extra to make me more uniform, my idea of beautiful and sexy changed with self-love. I used to plump up my breasts, with exaggerated padding that squished my girls so tight I couldn't even breath in a healthy manor- that made me unhappy. And I did this to create that ratio, so that it matched. I finally realize now that my ratio is beautiful, and I love it. I find it so sexy to not wear a bra when I want to, to find pleasure and happiness in my breasts. I no longer see people and gauge their breasts size, I just think breasts. Beautiful breasts. No comparison. I refuse to think of it as 'the boob fairy missed me'. All breast sizes are gorgeous, powerful, sensual, curvaceous, sexy – even more importantly this all comes from the inner woman. Thank you for your article, it comes from a loving place. I just felt this was important to note.

  16. Lunima says:

    And who are you to tell women what is OK to write? Don't like it, don't read. And really, "Stop writing like that and I will stop looking." ?? How about you take responsibility for where your eyes go?

  17. theempath says:

    Your body, your choice. It's as simple as that.

  18. Heidi says:

    if affects others…we /i want women to stop buying into this nonsense. it just isnt good for you. period. sorry – it hurts us when someone alters their bodies…what if my body was simliar to yours..and you had it changed!!! EEEWWW that is a direct hit . More should be dont to restore the emotional abuse in our heads -the physical abuse we place on ourselves to be accepted… and exclude the othersugh…just sickens me…i have struggled..of course…just fight the good fight…go truly naturall,, cuz this isnt. 🙁

  19. Heidi says:

    it hurts us to see you be manipulated…at least that is how i feel when i see yet another get boob jobs 🙁 cancer creatures they are. ..why would you do this? sad and scares me…what are we going – "suppose "to look like in the future. if it was courage…you wouldnt have gotten it done. even men like real ones… please get them out…they are so bad for you…in so many ways..this make me sad…so sad for our future.

  20. Heidi says:

    i think it is women who want this…not men, lol and as far i as know…men like real breast..fake bleh

  21. Heidi says:

    thanks fo writing…even childbirth and illness should be celebrated, not seen as bad!! Scars of battle!! just like men think their scars are sexy…mine/ ours are too!! celebrate!! stop destroying your bodies!!

  22. Annina says:

    Wow. Thank you for sharing this article. I have so many similarities, and can really relate. I too, have implants, which leaves a lot in my community of doulas, yogis, midwives, granola ,moms and breastfeeding enthusiasts cold. I also see them as a symbol of where I was at the time, much like my tattoos.

    I gained 60 pounds in pregnancy too. Afterward – there I was, skinny and boyish (to my eyes), after having nursed for 18 months, with no breast tissue. I have always been a beanpole, and now I felt gender-neutral. So I went for it, after lots and lots of research and what was soul-searching at the time. I was in a very influential and toxic friendship, and this friend had it done too. I may not have gone through with the implants had I not had months of her constantly talking about her desire to do it and her insecurities, and her research. But I did.

    Who I am now wished that I would have waited to get the implants until after I had my second child. I may not have even wanted them. I breastfed her, but not for nearly as long, and I had numerous problems. I was assured by doctors and lactation consultants that my problems were not attributed to the implants, but I cannot fully accept that. Who I am now wishes that I had had the strength to love my strong healthy body as it was, and accept my breasts as they were.

    Part of me wishes to remove them. But I don't know if I could do it. I would also have scar tissue, and it might look worse. I am worried that they will "break down" in my body. They are cohesive gel, which can't leak. But they can break down in the body and get absorbed into tissues.

    I enjoy them, they look great, and I don't obsess about my breasts anymore. But I wish I hadn't wanted them in the first place.

  23. Brie says:

    How did Breast Feeding work with the implants, Any fear of contamination in the Milk?

  24. Georgia says:

    I hear you sister, this is the exact process I went through including the judgement that my parents had paid for the procedure. I had always worked and supported myself and they offered as a way (in their limited awareness) to help me find the self esteem that I never seemed to have to value myself. It was hard for them to see me suffering and feel powerless, much like your dad probably did and after I told them I was going to have it done saw a way that they could try and finally help me. I'm not saying that it was the best option (as I obviously discovered post surgery that the work must be done within) or totally healthy but you know what, thats just what happened, it was where we were ALL at in our evolution at the time. Working as a holistic practitioner and healing with women mostly, I too get a response of shock when it is revealed that I have implants. At the time that I got them I thought it would be the thing that could lift me up and fill my heart (literally). Yes I was in the infancy of my awakening and self acceptance, yes I was on the tail end of an eating disorder and abusive relationship but no I don't for a second regret it as it was something that I can now see as a positive and nurturing thing. After having the surgery and realising that it wasn't the magic cure for my self worth, the REAL work began and I haven't looked back since. It was a catalyst and in the beginning I had complications with my implants when I felt guilty for having them, or fake. Literally my body was rejecting them as I was rejecting myself. Now, much like you I love them and see them as part of my body and I haven't had an issue since. To be able to have a nurturing place for someone to collapse into if they need to and to feel womanly is a beautiful thing, that with my flat chest I didn't feel I had. Sure it would have eventually come with time and inner work, but I too was young and that was the particular road that I took. So much love for you beautiful and thank you for voicing this you are brave and wonderfully authentic xx

  25. Brenda Johnson says:

    Agreed.

  26. NaturalGirl says:

    As a girl, my breasts appeared in the 5th grade. Today with proper fittings, I am a 32G at 37 years old. Very Natural. With that came unsolicited attention in the middle school, amazement for males and distant from females. To each their own, but I find your article disturbing to my experience and journey around my breast size. I am much more than large breasts and I have always know that. Too bad that you could not embrace what you looked like and who you are… Your not natural from my perspective. I interpret this as you manifest a social norm that is unhealthy. So for every pre-teen male who grabbed my chest in a hallway and for everyday that a male looks down first then at my face, I guess I have women like you to thank? There is two sides to every story, but be proud of yourself and maybe keep your gel, fake tissue, to yourself in future.

  27. kimkim says:

    Thank you for this comment. I agree. It's great to hear her perspective on accepting herself for who she is after the choices she's made. But the article comes off as a promotion for others to have breast implants–due to the house analogy that you quote–and that is why it's problematic to not also discuss the health risks.

  28. jena says:

    your entire response is ego driven. js

  29. Julia Kadarusman says:

    Well said. I relate. Thanks for sharing 🙂

  30. Blessed says:

    Cosmetic surgery can be a blessing in many cases. I was born with double hooded eyelids. They were uncomfortable and caused eyestrain. I had upper lid surgery when I was in my 20s. In my 40s, I suffered from Bell's Palsy…partial facial paralysis. I did not know, at the time, that Lyme disease had caused one side of my face to droop. I had a thread lift to raise the droopy side of my face and fat injections under my eyes and part of my lip. My face looked normal again. I did not seek out these procedures. They were recommended by my wonderful doctor. I was so blessed to have these procedures available to help me feel normal again. Have I had a couple voluntary procedures done? Yes. I had unsightly veins removed from my legs, so I could wear shorts again. I have had laser treatments done to my face to remove spider veins caused by Lyme disease. I also had some abdominal liposuction when my medications caused me to gain 120 pounds. I was having back pain and skin abrasions. Also, I had severe sleep apnea, due to excess fat around my throat and bad allergies. I had major sinus surgery and some fat removal around my throat area. I should add that the sinus surgery also included the removal of a granuloma (tumor) behind my left eye. For the first time in my life I can breathe through my nose. I still have minor sleep apnea, but it's no longer life threatening.

    My point is…Cosmetic surgery can be used to correct deformities that make us uncomfortable physically or emotionally. They aren't always for vanity.

    I have never had breast implants, a nose job, or an actual facelift, just to name a few of the vanity surgeries. I did have my eyebrows tattooed when my real ones fell out, along with my hair, when I was very sick.

    It is best not to judge people who are blessed to have these services available to make them look and feel normal again.

  31. Arune says:

    Although I'd love to praise you for this article, I would rather speak openly and honestly instead of saying untrue things.
    Number 1) You can't be "natural" if you have breast implants.
    Number 2) People need to realize that plastic surgery is like any other SURGERY. It's dangerous, can come with horrible complications and in my opinion should be ILLEGAL unless it's absolutely necessary.
    Number 3) At 18 although it's the legal age in many countries and states, most girls are not done growing in any way shape or form, I sincerely hope you rethink your article and instead of promoting that young girls get plastic surgery, rather warn them about waiting and thinking about it when they are actually done growing and developing.

    No need to regret your decision of course as what's done can't be undone but I think if your goal is to inspire young girls to chop up their bodies on a physical level at such a young age then surely you shouldn't be a writer for the Elephant Journal as every single article I've read and followed here inspires people to become better, not pushing them to dangerous and complicated negative procedures that have zero positive benefits or moves anyone further in being more enlightened or happy.

  32. Luna Ma. says:

    Beautiful article, thank you. I wish the harsh judgements would stop.

    I also got implants at a very young age, two months before my 17th birthday. I had them removed at 24, by choice. I am grateful they served me as training wheels. I am still flat as a board, perhaps flatter but underwent a deep metamorphosis in my soul and spirit. Ultimately life is about the journey and we are all doing the best we can. Whatever you do, do it with passion.
    Namaste sister*

  33. Erica says:

    Thank you for posting this. I had an augmentation 5 years ago and I can't tell you how good it feels to know I'm not alone feeling confident and proud of my body, even if others judge me for me choice I made about my own body.

  34. Jess says:

    I too got breast implants at just 18, however I got them removed when I was 24 (a little over a year ago). I was experiencing health issues (ongoing) and going through a tough time, and I decided they were no longer serving me. They seemed so meaningless is the larger spectrum of life, and I think what I went through matured me and I finally started to feel comfortable in my own skin.

    I am struggling a little with having the scars though. What you said about scars being a symbol of life well lived and that they are a reminder of the actions which we choose to take is really helpful. I made a decision when I was young which I can never take back, and I need to learn to live with that. Deep down I wouldn’t even say I regret it because it has definitely taught me a life lesson/

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