I’m All Natural, with Breast Implants.

Via Rebecca Lammersen
on Apr 2, 2012
get elephant's newsletter
Photo: Rebecca Lammersen

I am a natural girl.

Mascara and the occasional eyeliner encase my eyes. I have fair pale skin that I have no intention of shellacking with bronzer. I hide my high heels deep in my closet, and excavate them like dinosaur bones on special occasions. I live in flip-flops I bought at Target. I welcome each little wrinkle that nestles itself on the surface of my skin. I love my age and welcome every year with open arms. I bow gracefully to the year behind for ripening my body and spirit and for leaving me with experiences and knowledge.

After 32 years, I can say that I have accepted my body. I am thankful for the body I have and the way it has gifted me over the years.

I love my body for granting me the freedom to experience life. I have climbed up mountains, skied down mountains, sailed the seas, traveled across the world, ran hundreds of miles, dove meters under the ocean and danced for hours on end. I can stand on my hands, my head and my feet with ease.

I have made love, given birth, breast-fed two babies, miscarried, starved myself, fed myself, hurt myself and healed myself.

I loaded 60 pounds on my petite frame with each of my pregnancies and lost all of the weight with patience, some healthy food and a daily yoga practice.

I love the strength, stamina and resilience of my body. I love my scars, my imbalances, my freckles, my moles. I love that my ears poke out just a little, and my nose has a tiny bump from falling on my face when I was four years old.

I am flawed and imperfect. I am all natural. I am all natural, with breast implants. They are a part of my body and have been since I was 18 years old.

Most people are shocked when they find out. I listen to the judgments and angry comments when a woman walks by with obvious enhancements.

“That is so gross. That is so unnatural. Why would anyone do that to themselves?”

I look up with a little grin and say, “I have them.”

“What? No you don’t!  You?”

Yes, the all natural gal on the spiritual journey has breast implants.

The woman who helps other women embrace who they are on the inside and accept what’s on the outside, has silicone under her flesh.

Some might call me a walking busty oxymoron or a hypocrite. I am not. I made a decision at the age of 18, and as my motto goes, I never regret anything I do or say because I meant to do or say it at that time. I made a choice to have implants and I am secure and content with the decision I made.

My father was a plastic and reconstructive surgeon. His work was concentrated in reconstruction of wounds and deformities, including babies born with cleft lips and palates, facial and hand deformities, burns, tumors. You name it, he did it. He removed, reconnected, restored and healed thousands of patients.

I used to go on rounds with him at the hospital and had the privilege of suiting up in surgical pajamas and headgear to observe his work. I watched as he constructed an ear out of cartilage from rib, placing it beneath the skin on the side of a little boy’s skull. I watched as he put people back together like Mr. Potato Head. I was not privy to the world of insecure women who tried to bandage themselves with a little nip and tuck, thinking it would fix the gash in their self-worth and the rift in their marriage.

At 18, I approached my father from a place of pragmatism and maturity. I was skinny. The four years of starvation had taken a toll on my body and I looked like a boy, well not really, but the boob fairy definitely forgot to visit my chest. I was not dysmorphic about my body, yet when I looked in the mirror, what I saw did not match what I felt in my heart. I felt like a powerful, sensual, curvaceous, sexy woman and I wanted that feeling to physically manifest. I loved the idea of a little curve, a little substance to my figure that I could see and feel. I knew I did not want my breasts to be my handshake, I wanted them to blend in with the landscape of my body. My dad always said, if there was anything he could do to assist me in feeling as confident as I could, he would help. Who better than the man who created me, to give me what I wanted, breasts.

I knew that proceeding with the surgery meant I would be left with a scar. Cutting into flesh never goes forgotten by the derma, but that is what made my father an artist and master. He sutured with grace.

The scars left by his healing threads were just traceable for the patient to see, so they could always remember what they had healed from. Every moment of life lived, leaves us with a scar whether in our mind or on our body. A scar is a reminder and souvenir of the choices we have made on our path.

In my eyes, scars are beautiful. We are meant to get cut, scraped and worn from our years of living. Life is one big pumice stone that erodes away our newness and replaces it with age, experience, knowledge and wisdom (if we choose to learn from our experiences).

A scar may come in the form of a memory, a scar on our skin, a tattoo, a relationship that birthed from a choice we made, a possession we own, or anything else that leaves a trail or a mark of  how we have lived and the choices we make along the way. My breast implants are two scars from a period of my life, and for that, I embrace them and my choice completely.

The decision itself is a scar upon my true path.

Photo: matthewlucas

Cosmetic alterations become dangerous to our identity and well-being when they are founded on emptiness and honored as fullness.

If a woman has a facelift and is kind, generous, accepts the people around her and lives a life of service and goodness, then a facelift is only a facelift. The facelift is an alteration, like hemming the fabric of her skirt to fit her figure.

Another woman may have the same procedure, but she does not love herself. She is not fulfilled with her life, the people in her life, or herself. Nothing satisfies her and therefore, her facelift is detrimental to her well-being. She was depending on the facelift to bring her happiness, but it never will because she is empty on the inside. She will bring her skirt to be hemmed, but be unsatisfied with the work done because she is discontented and unaccepting of her being.

There is an epidemic of addiction to cosmetic surgery today. There are people who are obsessed with altering their outside. There is a thought process that leads to a belief, the “if I only changed____, I would be happy” belief.

It does not work.

People will stuff and tighten themselves to an unrecognizable state, and the result is suffering and misery. When we are full on the inside, everything fills us on the outside too.

When I was 18, I fell in the middle on the contentment spectrum when it came to my body. I now know that the voluptuous woman I was yearning for on the outside needed to be filled inside first. My spirit was crying out to be heard and acknowledged.

So, I experimented with different methods of giving her attention. I used my breasts to get attention. In college, I flashed them on spring break in Mexico. I squeezed them into little tops as a bull’s eye to a man’s libido, and I got attention. I got attention that was vapid and insincere because I was not being sincere with myself.

What we give ourselves is what we receive from others. I was giving myself nothing. Something was missing, something was lacking. I didn’t like myself, so I lived outside myself for a while, and then I remembered the mature 18 year old that had approached her father about her outside. I addressed myself the same way. I reminded myself that my breasts were just an enhancement to my body. I told myself the work needed to be done to enhance my spirit. Sure, I did it backwards, but that was my journey. I honor and love my body for allowing me to live and function healthfully in this world, but it does not define me. Having small breasts or implants has no bearing on my depth and the goodness that resides within me. Now, I bare my soul not my breasts.

I have asked myself, “Would I have the surgery today if I had never had it done before?”

My answer is, I don’t know. The fact is, I did it and I have implants. A couple of years ago, I had to have a replacement operation. It was necessary. I did consider removing them and not replacing them, but they became a part of my body like a pet does when it is adopted into a family. They became part of my structure. I had formed a thin layer of scar tissue around them. My body had healed around them as if hugging them into place. I wanted to keep them.

In reflection, I acknowledge they assisted me in the acceptance of my body. It looked right, from the moment I removed the bandages 15 years ago. The surgery was like hanging the last painting on the wall after moving into a new house, and living with implants is like living in that new house day after day, year after year. I still notice and appreciate the painting I hung that first day, but my awareness has shifted to how good I feel living within the warm walls of my home.

We are gifted with the body we have in order to live our lives. We have free will to do with it what we want. We have a choice to take care of it, hurt it, neglect it, honor it, fix it, not fix it, renovate it or keep it the same just as we would our home. Just like any home, it isn’t the home that makes the owner happy, it is the owner that makes the home happy. My body is my home and it is now a happy home.

I know my happiness is not contingent on the size of my breasts, but I do smile when I look in the mirror. I smile at it all. I smile because my body is covered with scars of a life lived. I smile because I’ve lived another day and have wrinkles to show for it. I smile because I can still see stretch marks from my pregnancies and that scar from when I fell from my bike at five years old. I smile because I can see the happiness from the inside permeating on the outside. I smile because my breasts remind me of how far I have come—how I grew from a flat chested spirit to a voluptuous spirit. Not to mention, I really love my curves.

By Rebecca Lammersen

~

Editor: Brianna Bemel


45,744 views

About Rebecca Lammersen

Rebecca Lammersen is the founder of Yogalution, an intimate, boutique style yoga studio in Scottsdale, AZ. I love being alive. I love being a mother. I love teaching yoga. I love to write. I love to know. I love to not know. I love to learn. I love to listen. I love to read. I love to swim. I love to travel. I love to dance. I love to help. I love to serve. That pretty much sums me up. For daily inspirations, check out Rebecca's website. Visit her yoga studio website and peruse her articles at The Huffington Post. You can also find her on Facebook. Subscribe to Rebecca's feed and never miss a post!

Comments

134 Responses to “I’m All Natural, with Breast Implants.”

  1. shay says:

    Just posted to "Featured Today" on the brand new Elephant Health & Wellness Homepage.

    Shay Dewey
    Please "like" Elephant Health & Wellness on Facebook

  2. Thanks for this Rebecca! You show great courage in opening your heart…even though you don't need to justify yourself to anyone! All we can be (and love) is who we are. Rock on yoga sista!

  3. John Geary says:

    Your body, your choice, Rebecca. No one really has the right to criticize you for decisions you make regarding it. "Never criticize your neighbour until you have walked a mile in their moccasins."
    Kudos to you for having the courage to come forward and write about it, knowing you may take some shots.

  4. helen fitzsimons says:

    your dad gave them to you, thats just creepy

  5. A courageous article with an intriguing perspective–reminds me of the speech at the end of "All About My Mother" (Pedro Almodovar–if you haven't seen it, you owe it to yourself…).

  6. elephantjournal says:

    You comment might be right-on, but let's keep it constructive, instead of insulting.

  7. Susi says:

    Great article! I too have breast implants; when I was younger I don’t think anyone knew but now….well, 57 year olds don’t naturally have breasts like this, haha, so it’s probably easy to guess. I’m never judgmental about anyone’s choices but my belief is that if something helps you live your valued life, it’s a good thing.

  8. Guest says:

    It sounds like you have never really gotten over an obsession with external validation.

  9. Rebecca Lammersen says:

    Thank you to everyone who has commented. I appreciate every comment. They are your feelings and I am happy you are sharing them publicly 🙂

  10. Rebecca Lammersen says:

    Hi Helen, Thank you very much for voicing your opinion. You are free to your thoughts whatever they are. Have a great evening, Rebecca

  11. Guest says:

    Wonderful, Rebecca – great article and its wonderful to hear how comfortable you are with your body. Everyone can relate – enhancing breasts, hair color, nails, eyebrows, contacts! You are a great role model for your children – thanks so much for sharing your life with us!

  12. Great article! And as a breast cancer (double mastectomy) survivor I always hope people do not pass judgement…One never knows why a woman has chosen to have implants…And as you so beautifully stated, it is a personal decision. It always amazes me when people pass judgement (as many did regarding my treatment decisions). Thanks you for a clear and thoughtful article!

  13. Lauren Wessinger says:

    f'ing love this one, thanks for sharing friend. love to you!

  14. guest says:

    I disagree. I'd rather have my a person I trust do a procedure like that than a stranger. And as a plastic surgeon, I would assume to him it was a non-issue.

  15. G.C.Aloha says:

    Do people really look at women's breasts and right away assume they are implants? It has never occurred to me to wonder if someone had implants. It's just not a part of my consciousness, and it's not my business. Your breasts are your business. I don't know how anyone here can decide what your psychological state is; we don't know you (at least, I don't). You say you feel good about yourself, and that's great.

  16. (r)evoluzione says:

    The body acceptance part of the article–which constitutes its entirety–is quite empowering and encouraging of acceptance of our physical vehicle, our wonderful human beingness.

    However the article does not discuss at all the rather numerous potential health risks caused by implants. I assume that since the article seems to gloss over this aspect of implant effects, that you've either ignored the issues, or you've not had any issues that you know about. If you've had no issues at all, you're very fortunate.

    Regardless, it seems irresponsible to write an article regarding breast implants without at least a mention of the health risks.

    To continue your paint analogy, it's as if you painted the home in a beautiful hue which doesn't quite occur in nature. The house looks fabulous. Sure, it would have been a fine, if slightly plain home, painted in a natural eggshell, but this one color is just out of sight. Put on a couple of coats, the place looks amazing–but the paint's got a bunch of synthetic materials in it that may or may not harm the inhabitants. Roll the dice. You don't get to see the result of that dice roll for another 30 years.

  17. skink says:

    I’m curious as to the women (and men) who judge a woman with implants has children and one of those children is a boy and that boy is circumsized. It’s not natural but it’s done thousands of time a day for no reason. A barbaric tradition that the infant is given no choice over. And isn’t a boys penis something he should have full control over?

  18. Magda says:

    I read this article yesterday and found myself thinking of it today hence the commentary. What is the message behind it? It brings to [my] mind images of a buddhist who sits on his cushion with a flask of whiskey close by and whenever an unpleasant sensation arrises, he takes a sip to get through it. Aahhh, all better – now his mind is equanimous and practice is so much "better". Either be it on the cushion or a yoga mat, we must be honest and truthful with ourselves. Truth is often painful (in this case, accepting the truth as it is "I have itsy bitsy chest") but accepting it AS IS and letting it go is what I think is truly a form of liberation from misery. I sense that the author of this article is still struggling with this issue and on a very deep level she is scared that she is not lovable just as she is. Nonetheless, I admire her courage to come out so boldly and open herself up to so much judgement and criticism. I bow to you Rebecca, namaste.

  19. ValCarruthers says:

    Loved this, Rebecca! Beautifully written. As Carolyn Myss has said, "Your biology becomes your biography."

    Just posted to "Featured Today" on the Elephant Spirituality Homepage.

    Valerie Carruthers
    Please go and "Like" Elephant Spirituality on Facebook

  20. Sherry C. says:

    LOVE this!

  21. shay says:

    Why do we have to accept things that we don't like about ourselves or our lives when we have the power to change them. I always struggled with my breasts. I had a large ribcage and large hips. My breasts never grew. They were constricted and I later found out it was a congentital deformity called tubular breasts. I researched implants extensively and considered it for about 5 years. I went to numerous surgeons, some who wanted to give me "Frankenboobies" cutting off aereola and sewing it back on, and I just wanted natural looking proportionate breasts. Finaly I found a surgeon, I researched ratios of breast/hip/waist. I decided on making my breasts and hips the same measurement. I am very happy with them, my regular physician didn't know they were implants till he went to do an exam. They are not perfect but I am happy with them and not self-concious of being in a bathing-suit or undressed any longer.

    I don't understand how changing or enhancing ones appearance is the same thing as drinking in emotional stress? But everyone has their own opinions and judgements.

  22. Gina says:

    I want to thank you so much for posting this. I have lost 130 lbs. and with it my chest. Between the weight loss and having breast fed two boys I am flat as a board. I have worked so hard to achieve this body, but every time I look at my chest I cannot help but be saddened. I have been considering breast implants, but struggled with that being against my life philosophy. This story has given me a great deal to consider and it is greatly appreciated.

  23. Guest says:

    I think the point here was that at the age of 18, the author hadn't yet gained the insight she has today into her body image and becoming comfortable with it in its entirety – "accepting it AS IS". Now, she is accepting the fact that she did in fact make that choice, and yet she does not regret it, even in light of the fact that breast augmentation is riddled with constant judgement and scrutiny from people (like yourself).

    Every choice we make echoes with us throughout our entire life, large or small, and it should be our decision to accept that given our mindset at the time, it was a sound decision. I personally think that is truly a form of liberation from misery.

    Or we can try to cover up these choices, label them as right or wrong, just to appeal to who we believe we are today.

  24. Amanda4678 says:

    Thanks for posting, Rebbecca! I got mine when I was twenty. I too, nursed two babies. I have pondered over whether it was the right decision for me long term. Sometimes I wish I could go back and do things a little differently, but I totally agree that after a while they're like part of the family 🙂 14 years later, they're just part of me, and I accept them. Thanks again for writing on this topic. Way to bare your soul!

  25. "…it seems irresponsible to write an article regarding breast implants without at least a mention of the health risks."

    She is writing about her own personal experience, not about the health aspects of it. So, calling her article irresponsible is a bit obtuse.

  26. jon says:

    Sorry to doubt but a father should not and would never operate on their child like that. Can't remember ever hearing of a physician doing this or a hospital allowing such a thing. Another physician would always be brought in. Did this happen in North America? Seems odd.

  27. Yogateacher says:

    All I can say is I blame the patriarchy for making women feel their tat size is inadequate.

  28. yogijulian says:

    beautiful and nuanced article – i did feel though like something super important had perhaps been left out when i read this line "The four years of starvation had taken a toll on my body …"

    which four years? why? how do you factor an eating disorder into this story with a passing 10 words?

    did i miss something?

  29. yogijulian says:

    is it really the patriarchy or is it evolutionary biology?

  30. yogijulian says:

    got it! thanks rebecca. courageous sharing and nice writing. 🙂

  31. yogijulian says:

    well said guest. exactly – there is a difference between sanctimonious posturing around what is the morally correct yogic way of approaching life on the one hand and taking the journey of finding genuine self-compassion for the past choices, mistakes, traumas and triumphs that make up our imperfect individual journeys.

  32. yogijulian says:

    and it sounds like you think you have and everyone should, or else they are lesser?

  33. Vision_Quest2 says:

    It used to not be, until I'd started reading the wrong websites. I'd been told I needed a mastopexy when I was young, by my then fiance former husband. I told him to go shove it. It's in the last few years that the "New Beauty" trend started. I feel sorry for today's youth.

  34. Vision_Quest2 says:

    Honest. So much TMI on the web. Women should stop writing about this stuff. It really is your own business. Stop writing like that and I will stop looking: "Does she or doesn't she?"

  35. Yogateacher says:

    It's 100% the patriarchy. The pressure to comply with this society's patriarchal ideals are so weighty that thousands of women will undergo deforming surgery to have giant bubbles put into their chests. You see, they could die having that done but the pressure is so ingrained that they will take that kind of risk. And god forbid they get one of the 300,000 sets from the French manufacturer that are full of jet grade silicone, not human approved silicone. Evolutionary biology theories about choosing a curvy fertile mate are just more ways to pressure women every day to be patriarchy compliant. I wear my tiny tats like a banner of pride and encourage others to do so as well. Because see right now mine are healthy and that's the most important thing. And having tiny tats doesn't keep dudes from bothering you either, unfortunately.

  36. Vision_Quest2 says:

    And, nowadays in New York City for instance, unlicensed (to perform medical procedures) cosmetologists do backside-augmentation surgery and the local tabs, like The New York Post, report on botched operations that are just shy of butchery.

    Not everybody could afford a decent surgical procedure … or have the time/money to travel to exotic locales where a decent procedure could be gotten for a relative song.

    And for what?

    Evolutionary biology/psychology are in the armchair/pseudointellectual's armamentarium. They are non-proven theories …

  37. ValCarruthers says:

    Just posted to "Popular Lately" on the Elephant Spirituality Homepage.

    Valerie Carruthers
    Please go and "Like" Elephant Spirituality on Facebook

  38. me me me me me me says:

    I cannot celebrate rationalizations and excuses being made for the sake of inner consolation. Not giving a shit what anyone thinks isnt an "easier" or "better" position, I can assure you. Everyone has problems to deal with in life.

    The ridiculously body-focused style of so-called "yoga" these days is so far removed from the ancient conception of that tradition, that it readily magnetizes people obsessed with appearances, "beauty" and so forth. These people are not on a spiritual quest, they are on a quest of personal glorification.

    The need to continuously define identity is not evidential of "spiritual progress". You have recast your psychological issues in a new light, a new mask… but the deeper problems they consist of clearly remain the dominant motivational force in your life.

  39. I was not expecting the overwhelming response to this latest article. It has been a lesson to me in itself. When we have the courage to speak our truth, it always fuels others to speak out. Some speak words of judgment, criticism and anger. Others speak words of love, support and wisdom. Neither one is bad, neither one is good. Every comment originates from how each individual feels about themselves as they project it onto me. Yet, I am protected because I took the first step into the light of courage. As I stand in that protection, I can not be inflicted with the hurt and pain it could cause. Instead, I accept that I have created a safe space for others to express themselves, and for that I am thankful.
    The entire message of this article is non-judgment and free will, so I am sticking with that. I'm not judging as others display their free will.

  40. Jenifer says:

    my only question would be ethical. typically speaking, doctors do not work on family members, as a general rule. i would be curious as to why a hospital would go with this, or a doctor for that matter.

    i would have thought that your father would have supported you and also found you an alternative surgeon, just to look at whatever ethical considerations might exist for him — or be in the minds of some of his colleagues at least.

    but, this is not to say that what he did is unethical, simply that I do not know, and it raises the question based on that "general rule."

    that being said, i have long thought of most plastic surgery — particularly cosmetic — as another extension of tattooing, piercing, and so on — another methodology of self-expression, of allowing the body to look the way that the individual wants it to look.

    even when it might go awry in my eyes, i think that if the person is fulfilling that expression, then that is a wonderful thing. i'm thankful that a safe, effective method exists.

  41. mareemaclean says:

    It's all good!•*¨*•.¸¸♥

  42. (r)evoluzione says:

    Well, I am nothing if not obtuse.

    Yet so is writing an article that claims to be 'all natural,' referencing breast implants. It's false advertising. She's trolling with the title of her article, and I'm a ferric mirror for her pot.

    Signed,

    Kettle.

  43. (r)evoluzione says:

    Cosign. Circumcision is bullshit.

  44. AhimsaYogi says:

    Thank you for this article. Your courage is an inspiration to me! I am currently looking into a deep valley of change…some necessary and some by my own choice. Both will change my appearance, and I needed some encouragement to dig deep inside and really look at and accept my true self. This is going to be a difficult and amazing journey…thank you for sharing yours!

  45. Charlotte says:

    Thanks for your perspective. I am in the opposite boat, a small person with outsized breasts. After years of suffering the bra strap dents in my shoulders, neck pain and headaches, it is hard for me to imagine wanting to augment.

  46. ManifestYogaJen says:

    I love this. You are a gifted writer. Thank you xx

  47. […] The only women I hear obsessing about breast size are those who are unhappy, and again, if you are n… […]

  48. Diana says:

    Well said Kettle.

Leave a Reply