April 10, 2012

I’m an as*h*le, how about you?

Photo: Wikimedia

It’s a free world and whether you like it or not, I choose to be an as*h*le!

 How about you?

This world is a little too serious at times. Translated: some people take themselves way too seriously.

When you look for reasons to justify perfection in yourself, be upset, self-righteous, stomp your feet because you didn’t get your way, dig into your own hypocrisy or suffer hurt feelings, come see me. I can provide the recipe to make you feel vindicated.

That’s right. You can blame me. I will be your own private as*h*le.

Don’t look in the mirror to figure out why you are upset. Instead, blame me. Take a look at my past actions and words to build a case. I’ll even help you.

Photo: Wikimedia

You don’t need a judge or a jury (after all isn’t that your job?) Go ahead and convict me!

Wanna be your perfect self who has no dark side? Give me all your darkness. I am your personal Darth Vader.

Did you do something, which hurt someone else? Don’t look for excuses or apologize, blame me instead. I’ll let you off the hook, you flawless, pedestal lovin’, sooooo secure, full of joy individual. Yeah, you!

The truth? What?

You don’t want to face it, you may have to take some responsibility and, no sir, you don’t want you to look inside.

What if the truth created change in your life? Or helped unload the bullsh*t you hide behind?

What if the truth sets you free allowing happiness to ring in your soul? Scary stuff!

Suppose you heard something through the grapevine about yourself? (Remember, it couldn’t have been taken out of context or twisted to serve another’s purpose, could it?). So, now your feelings are hurt, giving you an excuse to be a victim, how delightful!

Shhhhh…don’t mention that you may be a teensy bit hypocritical in speaking ill of so many that the amount is akin to the federal deficit.

Again, don’t you take responsibility. Please blame me, its okay.

I am a devious, inferior, martian who speaks in many tongues. I’m sure I must have said something offensive with all those languages coming out of my ass.

Photo: Wikimedia

And please, blame me when you drink one too many and can’t get out of bed the next day, it’s my fault too. It feels good to get all this attention for being bad, horrible, terrible and just plain jerky. Who could be worse than me?

It has to be someone’s fault, so it may as well be mine. I help you to lie  to yourself and keep you a secret from you.

This is the path of denial. You don’t know yourself. You can’t embrace all that you are and are not. Inner peace will remain a dream. Approval is what drives you, either getting it or giving it and what a tight rope that is to remain surefooted.

Don’t forget to cling to your self-righteousness, when you start to feel guilty or bad that you may actually have a hand in the demise of a relationship, hurting someone else’s feelings, being a bore, a whore, a clown or whatever it is that gets you down.

Rear-ended someone on the road and they are blaming you? Say, “Whoa buddy, you got the wrong guy. Here call this number instead, that’s who you can blame.”

Of course I am happy to take responsibility, thank you very much! I understand, it’s my fault, you were rehashing what I last said, in your head and it distracted you; totally was my mistake!

Here’s the thing I am an as*h*le, an angel, a devil, a hypocritical jerk, a compassionate and loving helper, a hinderer, a listener, a shouter, a peace lover and a drama starter. I know I do stupid sh*t sometimes. And I know there is more.

Where I sit with it is I am totally willing to admit to it all, every last bit of it, because there is a gift in my imperfection and that is self-acceptance and happiness.

The longer you hide and blame me, is the longer you suffer, are angry, sad, lonely, lying to yourself and can’t figure out why your life is f*cked up! Clarity comes with self-responsibility, owning up to yourself and anyone else that may care about you.

It bonds us.

Our imperfections are the glue that sticks humanity together.

It isn’t the false platitudes, or bossy attitudes. It isn’t the superiority complex aka the inferiority basement or the fake smile with the glaring eyes. It isn’t any position as a victim! Rather, it is the truth of being human. Embrace your f*cked up self!

Share it with the world.

You will feel like you gave birth to a 2000-pound hippo, whew! What a relief!  Giving up perfection and love imperfectly perfect you. Blame it all on you! People may dump you out of their life once you leave the perfect victim club; they still need someone to blame.

So, I ask again…. I am an as*h*le, how about you?


Like this? “Like” I’m not “spiritual.” I just practice being a good person on Facebook.


Editor: Kate Bartolotta.

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