Now accepting applications for Girlfriend.

Via Waylon Lewis
on May 16, 2012
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Whether you’re in a relationship or not, whether you’re happy alone or miserable together, or vice versa…we’re all lonely. As Lily Tomlin put it, “We’re all in this Alone, Together.”

What is the longing for love rooted in, if not a futile, insecure, confused quest for completion? Is this longing I feel, possibly in and of itself, as Pema Chodron says, the raw open wounded heart of basic human goodness? Is loneliness our only inheritance? Is she out there?

After a rough relationship a year or so back, I’ve kept mostly to myself. I’ve only gone out with…maybe six Ladies in three years, and none of those made it past a few months.

I’m tough to go out with. I’m picky. So are you, too, I hope. I’m outgoing, but inwardly focused on workaholicness to the point that folks make jokes about my being in a relationship with my laptop.

I’ve first dated a fair amount, but rarely gone on second or third dates. I don’t want casual anything—it might sound fun, but what I really want is a friend. A match. A partner in my busy-ness, in my joy, in my sadness, in my dog hikes and morning meditation and lunches downtown.

And, a partner in spaciousness.


Now accepting applications for Girlfriend.

Must be:
1) beautiful,
2) sane,
3) independent*
4) loving,
5) have an infinite tolerance for my being focused on working all the time, ie my being frustratingly ADD about actual real life, ie I am incredibly boring.
6) sane.

My qualifications:

1) um…

2) …I have an awesome dog.


*(ambitious/devoted to greater good)


Relephant bonus: Eye of the Tiger Silliness with Robert Sturman.


About Waylon Lewis

Waylon Lewis, founder of elephant magazine, now & host of Walk the Talk Show with Waylon Lewis, is a 1st generation American Buddhist “Dharma Brat." Voted #1 in U.S. on twitter for #green two years running, Changemaker & Eco Ambassador by Treehugger, Green Hero by Discovery’s Planet Green, Best (!) Shameless Self-Promoter at Westword's Web Awards, Prominent Buddhist by Shambhala Sun, & 100 Most Influential People in Health & Fitness 2011 by "Greatist", Waylon is a mediocre climber, lazy yogi, 365-day bicycle commuter & best friend to Redford (his rescue hound). His aim: to bring the good news re: "the mindful life" beyond the choir & to all those who didn't know they gave a care. | His first book, Things I would like to do with You, is now available.


79 Responses to “Now accepting applications for Girlfriend.”

  1. climblaughlive says:

    If I had only known, I would have introduced myself at Pizzeria Locale the other day…darn.

  2. jennyjenjen says:

    Whatever! Your qualifications are too many to list. I call BS on that wimpy little list.

  3. Amy Carole says:

    Waylon, you know, maybe it's time you get to a YogaDates event…I'm totally serious. And our first Boulder event is Friday. How timely!

  4. mark says:

    Not only am I a yogi, but I am a marketing writer. Let's work on your pitch, man.

  5. vanessafiola says:

    Waylon, you're awesome.

  6. elephantjournal says:

    I don't pitch, and I don't sell. But advice always welcome! This was, if anything, meant as a joke…came out of a convo with Chris Courtney, my designer Pam Uhlenkamp, and a few elephant staffers who have seen me be (cough) a workaholic loner more and more over the last few years.

  7. elephantjournal says:

    Dana Carter you forgot one other requirement…uhmmm, single

    Tracy Debra Betts I a glad that you are feeling better, AND you are really hilarious

    Waylon Lewis Dana, hah, yes, that is a requirement! No suffering for nobody, suffering ruins lovefun!

  8. elephantjournal says:

    Aw. Coming from you troublemaker, gassho.

  9. elephantjournal says:

    I'm not much one for dating web sites, or events…I'm old-fashioned, I guess?

  10. elephantjournal says:

    Hah. I like style–I think style is important. Oh, and I think I forgot to mention: they need to be sane.

  11. elephantjournal says:

    If I had only known, I wouldn't have gotten their amazing (vegan) pizza all over my face.

  12. Renee says:

    You have list your sign, ascendant and moon. Sheesh! What kind of new age post hippi yogi buddhist are you?

  13. jennyjenjen says:

    No no no silly goose. YOUR qualifications. You are way more than an awesome dog. You have hung out with me several states away, that is pretty damn awesome. So you should list "awesome friend," "honest person," "full of integrity," etc. etc. etc. the tons and tons of things you should be listing about yourself.

  14. jennyjenjen says:

    I'm with ya on that. I've tried that lately. No workie.

  15. missmatchblogs says:

    Vegan pizza on your face just shows that you are a passionate and dedicated pizza eater and is hardly a romantic deterrent.

  16. What about;
    Someone who can take mountain creek mud and concoct a balm to massage my feet with, all while humming my favorite Pre-1970 Stones tunes.

  17. Laura says:

    wow Chris- that criteria must have been in a Deida text that I neglected to read before you. Good one. wow 😉

  18. swatijr* says:

    i agree with renee. let's do a chart waylon. 😉

  19. Waylon, sometimes we don't see what is right in front of us…May I direct you to the left hand side of the screen?

    You have a bevy of beautiful women to choose from: The hot 93 year old yoga teacher, the light eyed freckle faced wabi sabi goddess, the MILF with the 7 year old and 3 year old hanging off her tits, the girl that likes to masturbate, the girl that can't get off her floor, and the painted yogini. I mean, come on! Knock SANE off your list(cause who really is) and reel her in elephant man! 🙂

  20. faye says:

    waylon, you don't know me and i only know you through your writing. and from photos. i am totes! in the same boat, looking for a man with the same qualities, esp being ambitious/devoted to greater good. i am not suggesting anything more than just letting you know that you are not alone in this quest for a mate/partner in crime. but hey, at least you are in the states where i think you have a better chance. me, on the other hand, in germany. and if you know anything about it, you can understand what i mean. good, good luck for you and me and all the peeps like us out there.

  21. Andréa Balt says:

    You forgot one item on the list.

  22. Nicole Sanderson says:


  23. @tom_zorro says:

    whats wrong with germany ?

    Germans are good looking people – unlike the UK

  24. @tom_zorro says:

    Well Waylon, at least your not disabled – so your already one up on me .

    Unless your Prof X or Some Brilliant Professor or Peter Dinkalage ( and i doubt even Hawkings could get laid ) the options are out of your hands ( literally sometimes )

    What spiritual lesson does that say about luvvv today , because it seems no one is above that attachment to materialism & perfection ( and yes im talking the new age , shaman , post hippie Buddhist and whatever crowd too )


  25. @tom_zorro says:

    I know love is not lust, but does that matter when you got a face like a hens arse , or physically incapable – I think it does , and Id challange any one here to say otherwise.

  26. catnipkiss says:

    What is YogaDates? I am intrigued….. Alexa Maxwell

  27. Lori Wasserman says:

    Very clever! All the perks of internet reach without all the ickiness of internet dating sites. You're going to be inundated with possibilities…then all you have to do is sift through and suss them out 😉 By the way…how are you still single? You're smart, successful, mindful, spiritual, handsome….

  28. Amy Carole says:

    I can respect that….although our whole draw is keeping things no-pressure and as organic as possible. We're all adults, no need for nametags and scorecards or any of that stuff…

  29. Amy Carole says:

    Hey Alexa, you can check out for more info. Feel free to email me directly to chat, for sure.

  30. elephantjournal says:

    As said, I'm incredibly "self-centered"—ie, focused on my work, it gives me great joy, but is a bit isolating.

    Also, I'm an asshole.

  31. elephantjournal says:

    Ideally, old enough to have been through some heartbreak and love and learning, young enough not to be mentally scheduling wedding bells.

    In other words, 18.

  32. elephantjournal says:

    Via Chris Courtney: A funny pearl of wisdom from my buddy Fred Johnson: Relationships are sometimes like a deck of cards. They start out all hearts and diamonds – and end up with a club and a spade….

    Rhonda Leigh how about the joker?!…lol

    Waylon Lewis In my case, they end in good friends (98% of the time) and crazy scary (1% of the time). The other 1%? I'm waiting.

    Chris Watkins the sane is incredibly important. 🙂


    Sara Turk bah haha.. welcome to my world, Waylon..
    13 hours ago · LikeUnlike
    Holly Vanidevi Troy Waylon is still looking? aw. He seems sweet enough, though I do recall him mentioning in an article he wanted something like 7 or 13 kids or something . . .
    13 hours ago · UnlikeLike · 2
    Chris Courtney Please share this widely – this man needs help! 🙂
    13 hours ago · LikeUnlike
    Kate Fields Bartolotta His dog is pretty awesome. That should have been #1 on the list of qualifications.
    13 hours ago · LikeUnlike · 1
    Tobye Hillier He's Buddhist and dresses to the right, that's all you need to know….
    13 hours ago · LikeUnlike · 1
    Barbara Kirk How does one dress to the right?
    11 hours ago · LikeUnlike · 1
    Mary Fitzsimons hes too picky! he wants a woman 10 yrs younger , pretty,good job(trust fund will do) and no previous kids.
    9 hours ago · LikeUnlike
    Tessa Marie Aqua Hi Waylon, Out of curiousity, is being a non-vegetarian a deal breaker? 🙂
    4 hours ago · LikeUnlike
    Christina Bouajila If the Buddha dated" is a great book for anyone dating,looking to read(o;
    3 hours ago · LikeUnlike · 1
    Tobye Hillier It's an old tailoring term Barbara 😉

    Waylon Lewis Kate, it was! It was my only qualification.

  33. Carolyn says:

    Love this, Waylon! If only it were that easy, right? Makes me want to do a boyfriend one. See what I'm twirkin' with. Maybe you are on to something here., anyone?

  34. Lori Wasserman says:

    Well, that explains it!

  35. elephantjournal says:

    Maybe! Many have suggested it, and an article about a Chinese dating site in last Sunday's NY Times was super interesting—many great connections, helping empower women in that culture.

    As Groucho (sorta) says, most mindfullers might not want to belong to any dating club that might have us. Better just to let it happen, or not?

  36. elephantjournal says:

    Well, to be fair, both Prof X and Dinklage are welllll loved by the ladies (and gents).

  37. elephantjournal says:


  38. Kimstetz says:

    you're hysterical , rebecca! but, i've got to go with Waylon on sane appearing twice on the list. i personally go for the functionally neurotic vs. psychotic. getting a handle on those differences is very helpful.

  39. Kimstetz says:

    Mary hit the nail on the head

  40. @maitrihouse says:

    What kind of benefits will I receive if I am accepted for the position? And how well do you tolerate sass? Ha ha ha.

  41. elephantjournal says:

    Sass falls under independence, and is required.

  42. Jill says:

    dearest Waylon…if I was only 10 years younger and single…you are a gem and any girl would be lucky to have you…just remember to worship the goddess ! and maybe I need to send you Arielle Ford’s book Wabi Sabi Love!

    love your soul sister!


    PS–um maybe lose the Rocky video…us hip new age chicks want a lover not a fighter. 😉

  43. Bold move, Sir. I can only imagine what your inbox must look like right now. Side note: I can relate. Being a 39-year-old single/never-married/child-free woman is an interesting place to be.

  44. Alanna says:

    Waylon, If I was still a single woman I'd apply for the position! Alas, my Navy SEAL husband might not be so pleased. 😉 Seriously though, good for you for putting yourself out there with honesty and a well thought out understanding of what you are looking for.

    FYI, I personally love your writings and am consistently inspired/entertained/called out by them. You are a rare find. March on my friend!

  45. elephantjournal says:

    Just a few emails from men pretending to be women, and my mom asking me if I've had children yet.

  46. elephantjournal says:

    I'm not a fighter, I'm a fool!

  47. Unfortunate, but sounds about right. I'm curious where the link to 'spaciousness' is supposed to point.

  48. Lisa says:

    I'm a little disturbed by "beautiful", and coming from you I would never guess it could be…. shallow. Can you define what you mean by beautiful?

  49. Sagejessicamurphy says:

    I’m with Lisa though I am not “disturbed” by the comment- just curious what beautiful means to you. Your lists (both of them) are far too short but you sure did get some attention.

    Waylon, you are a silly goose.