A Dude’s Response to “A Call to the Sacred Masculine.” {Video}

Via Jayson Gaddis
on Jun 22, 2012
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I waited a while to respond to Lori Ann Lothian’s post, A Call to the Sacred Masculine, Ten Daring Invitations From the Divine Feminine, mostly because it was hard to stomach.

I couldn’t even finish reading it.

But eventually I worked with myself and got to a place of appreciation.

Thank you, Lori, for putting this out there and for pouring some gas on my fire. Here’s my two cents:

Check out this cat’s post where I drew inspiration from:

“Response to “A Call To The Sacred Masculine…”

I will be finishing a more elaborate blog post soon about this whole issue. Stay tuned…


Editor: Brianna Bemel

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About Jayson Gaddis

Jayson Gaddis, founder of The Relationship School® , and host of The Smart Couple Podcast , is on a mission to teach people the one class they didn’t get in school--”How to do intimate relationships.” He was emotionally constipated for years before relationship failure forced him to master relationships. In 2007 he stopped running away from intimacy, asked his wife to marry him and now they have two beautiful kids. When he doesn’t live and breathe this stuff with his family, he pretty much gets his ass handed to him. You can find him here: Jayson Gaddis or sign up for a free training here if you are dealing with an emotionally unavailable man like Jayson used to be. You can also become a fan on Facebook here: Jayson Gaddis Fan Page.


33 Responses to “A Dude’s Response to “A Call to the Sacred Masculine.” {Video}”

  1. Brooks Hall says:

    Hi Jayson. I like your thoughts on this, but also just to say that women are deeply conditioned, also. I heard it the video a call for tolerance for men’s ways because of the difficulty of deep gender-learning or something (my words). Don’t you think everyone is affected by this? Maybe Lori Ann deserves a bit of compassionate patience, too.

    I, too was generally offended by the divine scared misunderstandings I saw there, and also responded:

  2. HI everyone: What ever happened when I wrote this piece, is it struck a huge collective chord AND nerve. I just wrote a piece for Origin magazine, out this september, on this very controversy, especially on the negative response by SOME men and women to the 'ravish" item. Yet the overwhelming response to the piece, as evidenced by my inbox and the 13K FB shares/nearly 50K views, is POSITIVE. So, this leaves me wondering why this pieces has resonated so widely.

    It was not meant as a set of rules, ir was a poetic rif that I wrote in three hours–I will be posting my own follow up piece at ele next week explaining what prompted me to create A Call to the Sacred Masculine–and no, it's not because I am unhappy with the man in my life!

    In the meantime, Jasyon, you might like to listen to my one hour interview on the British FM radio show, Untanlged, where I discuss in more depth what A Call to the SM, is about and what it is NOT about. I think you might be surprised at how I am not a strident zealot demanding men man-up. 🙂 LinK: http://www.untangledfm.com/index.php/replays/the-

    Thank you for taking the time to respond in such a creative way.

    Lori Ann


  3. Tony in Berkeley says:

    Take a look at who was so positive about your article and you'll find that its women (80% of Elephant's readership), not men….your purported audience. Much of the woman-focused media today (HuffPo Women's section, Cosmo, Glamour, etc) is full of stories about how women wish their men would be so the vein you've tapped into is a popular one. So, you're getting lots of hits from women who are reading what they want to hear in the first place but not getting nearly the same response from men. The whole piece had a faint undertone of the nagging girlfriend/wife who always seems to have a list of what she wants her man to do/be.

    Perhaps it was the condescending tone of your piece, perhaps it sounded too similar to the nagging described above, and perhaps its because men want to find their own path as men…and as the embodied divine masculine (in the same way women found their own way). We may not end up being all those things that woman (and the divine feminine) wants but we'll be one thing for sure; authentic.

  4. Hi Tony–you know what? I had a surprising number of men respond, far more than in any other elephant piece I've written–I have a FB message/email box full of responses from BOTH genders, and this is what excites me. Men were actually responding and a dialogue was happening. I don't care that what I wrote is not liked, I am more interested in the discussion it has provoked. One woman wrote to me that her husband liked it so much he sent it to HER to read.

    But yes, elephant readers are largely women, in fact READERS are largely women (just ask the publishing industry). In that regard, I cannot change a demographic trend, but I can be curious as to why as many men did respond and read this, as there were.

    I will do a content analysis on the public comment thread and the private emails, and get a male/female ratio and also likes and dislikes. THAT would be interesting!

    By the way, is it possible that nagging is in the ear of the listener, and not in the tone of the speaker? Sometimes, when we have a history of something (like being nagged) as simple invitation can be mis-interpreted as a demand/rule/nag.
    Lori Ann

  5. Paul says:

    Your response sounds a bit defensive as if she wrote the article about you. I really took Lori's post as some things for guys to think about. But I can see how many took it as judgmental and maybe it was. But I always like to separate the wheat from the chaff and just try to find something relevant or of value and just disregard the rest. Its all just words any way and everyone's interpretation will be (at least) a little different. I wonder how many women forwarded that article to the man in their lives as if to say, "work on it" :). I do think maybe she could have taken a bit of a different approach so as not to come off sounding judgmental.

    It also seems as though you took some of her points out of context or misinterpreted them. Just my perception though and I've been known to be wrong quite often 🙂

  6. elephantjournal says:

    Love this. I tried to write this, in a funny way, but haven't been able to do so, yet. You clearly contemplated and sat on this for awhile until your coal of inspiration turned into a diamond of dialogue. Thanks brother (and, good father that you are).

    You've held my feet to the fire before—thanks again for responding with such gentleness and prajna/insight to Lori's remarkable, challenging post.



  7. Rob says:

    Jayson, you nailed it!

  8. Zaskoda says:

    There are many reasons a men might be offended by the section on ravaging. There's the most extreme, such as men who have been the victims of false rape accusations. Then there's the far less extreme, such as men who would like to be ravaged themselves. Please don't dismiss those that are offended by pointing out that a large percentage of their gender were not. That's kinda not cool.

  9. Rene Pettner says:

    I like what you guys are up also. Such intelligent work and reporting! Keep up the superb works guys I have incorporated you guys to my blogroll. I think it’ll improve the value of my website 🙂

  10. Carnyx says:

    You should move to Europe!American men are far too lost…

  11. Tony in Berkeley says:

    If a man had written such a thing aimed at women, the howls of protest would be deafening. Telling the other gender how they should be is seldom welcome or well received because we all want to decide our own destiny, not have it written out for us.

  12. Tony in Berkeley says:

    And sometimes its just plain nagging and the person doing it finds it too embarrassing to own it and admit they are nagging.

    Plus, when it comes in such a condescending package as yours did….its going to turn people off.
    Of course since you were writing in the voice of the divine feminine, standing and shouting from that pedestal was going to end up clouding your message regardless. Something I invite you consider and not just dismiss out of hand.

  13. Genna says:

    Thank you, Jayson. Felt my breathing getting deeper just listening to you work through the points. It is is exhausting to feel I have to "live up" to something or somebody else's ideas of "good". Makes me want to cry thinking about it, as a matter of fact. I am ambitious, I am very interested in growing and learning… but I like the journey. I don't want or need a "Goddess Merit Badge" from anyone based on their ideas of what "it" is… it's taken me years to be able to surrender to being myself and not worry about living up to what others want of me. Not going back. Thanks, again.

  14. Really Tony? Did I really shout from a pedestal? I thought what I did was say that it's not enough for women to cloister in self serving Goddess groups, exhoriting our Divine Feminine, WITHOUT inviting men into it in some way. I think that is my opening, where i clearly say that the women's movement is not a pedestal but a new age fantasy…

    "Yet all this talk lately of the goddess and the Divine Feminine seems like new-age wishful thinking, a fantasy archetype with as much to do with real life as Superwoman or the Fairy God Mother.

    While goddess propagandists promote the unilateral concept of a spiritually elevated womanhood—strong but supple, decisive and nurturing, wild yet wise—glaringly absent is a call to the Sacred Masculine counterpoint. Women can forever rally around each other, cheerleading new heights of intuitive and open-hearted power, but without the cooperation of menfolk stealing their own fire from the gods, we are preaching to the sistah choir.

    Bottomline? Organizing a spiritual revolution as women without inviting men to the front lines with us means we are orchestrating a collective reframe with only half the available power."

    Does this seem like a pedestal? Really?

    Lori Ann

  15. Hi Paul–

    I would value greatly your advice in showing me where the tone or content is judgemental–I've been approached by a publisher to create a book on this very topic, and I do learn from my mistakes. You can email me directly at [email protected]. Thank you in advance.

    Lori Ann

  16. A man did write a piece aimed at a woman, it was also a success…some women loved it, some hated it…just like wtih my piece. Here is the link Tony… .http://www.elephantjournal.com/2012/06/a-call-to-the-divine-feminine-ten-bold-invitations-from-the-sacred-masculine-barry-selby/

  17. Waylon, I still want your draft funny to hit the stands. It made me LOL, especially the Steer Your Minivan.

  18. Hi Genna

    It's useful for me to see the range of responses (and reactions) to this material. What I notice is that an invitation to the 'archetypal" (Queen/Goddess/King/Warrior/God) does create an emotional environment, and the misperception that what is invoked is stereptype vs archetype. That's okay. This is a great learning curve for me to witness the range of responses. Thank you for sharing.

  19. leigha says:

    I am amazed that the underling invitation for a creative, heartfelt dialog between the masculine and feminine was lost to some in the verbiage of Lori Ann's article. Perhaps we could all put down our stones and remember it is both our difference and our sameness that makes life interesting.

  20. elephantjournal says:

    Okay, I'll work on it! You're sweet. And thanks again for inspiring this worthy conversation.

  21. elephantjournal says:

    Ryan Grimm
    To a great extent, I follow his arguments and agree with them. NOT ALL OF THEM.
    I DO question the female author's criteria of what a man is, and what he should be; did she decide on these after actually talking with a large number of men

    Carl Beck I didn't read "A Call to the Sacred Masculine" mostly because I'm at odds with people dictating how others should live their lives. I'm also at odds with people who think the "know" how other should run their lives. This fellows response is way more succinct than I could have ever written. Thanks.

  22. Tony in Berkeley says:

    But it received 1/10the the views and shares of the one aimed at men…and the cranky comments came fast and furious.

  23. Tony in Berkeley says:

    Perhaps you forget the title and voice of your own article: "A Call to the Sacred Masculine, Ten Daring Invitations From the Divine Feminine"

    You took on the voice of the divine feminine, standing on its pedestal (or soapbox, or…) to put out your "call."

    You did not take on the voice of a humble and well-intentioned woman, but of the divine feminine itself…which clouded some of the wonderful things you had to say. Such things can happen when one takes on the voice of someone or something larger than or other than themselves. If you were willing to be a little less defensive and a little more open and reflective, you could see this.

  24. ah well–it was all about playful creativity, to speak from the archetypal to the archetypal. You can't please all the the people all of the time. 🙂

  25. Sandy says:

    The original post by Lori is a typical lament from an older women that lost her youth all so soon and now wants to retrofit her folly into a goddess fable. Kind of sad that she that she can't get a grip on her failure in her relationships.

  26. jaysongaddis says:

    Yup. good point and one i'm well aware of Brooks. Thanks for your repsponse!

  27. jaysongaddis says:

    Thanks Lori! looking forward to where this all goes! thank you for getting it out there. you are right. it struck a nerve in a big way. wahooooo!!!!

  28. jaysongaddis says:

    paul, i resonate with the "work on it" part. thanks for that.

  29. jaysongaddis says:

    THanks dude. 🙂 more coming!

  30. Hi Sandy–thank your for a morning LOL. I do consider my 17 year marriage a success, actually, even though my former husband and parted ways eight years ago, amicably–we remain friends and coparents. My current relationship is year three and going strong with a wedding in scotland this summer. But if you need to project all over me your version of me, that's fine too..I okay being the older woman who lost her youth all so soon. That sounds so victorian!

  31. […] People apologize too quickly in this culture. The new age spiritual scene is all about it right recently. Examples include the Dear Women video, Dear Divine Feminine, I’m Sorry, Letter of Apology to Men, the Hoʻoponopono methos, etc. And, while I like the Call to the Sacred Masculine from Lori Ann Lothian, I also felt a bit boxed in and missed (my video response to her here). […]