Confessions of a Shy Vagina. {Adult, Humor}

Via Lori Ann Lothian
on Jun 9, 2012
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Is that what I look like?

Lori’s vagina here, speaking on behalf of vaginas everywhere (thank you rest of body for airtime).

First off, I’m shy. I don’t normally like the limelight and I certainly have never stood up and been heard. (Yes, I’m blushing beneath Lori’s panties).

But I just had to state my case on this whole topic of what the perfect vagina should look like and the increasingly popular practice of labioplasty—basically surgically lopping off chucks of inner labia to produce a pretty pussy.

What the f*ck? We vaginas know we don’t all look alike and that’s okay. That would be like saying all white people look the same or should look the same. Other than having the basic parts in common (see diagram in case you are confused), each vagina is as unique as a face. Trust me, I grew up taking baths with sister vaginas that looked nothing like me on the surface.

Which brings me to my main point. Some twats might be obsessed with living up to a model vagina. But most of us vaginas don’t give a rat’s ass how we look because frankly (unless we’re posing for a porn magazine), no one’s really looking at us.

Photo: Pinterest

Sure, Lori’s taken a mirror-glance now and then (especially after the babies were born when she worried I’d never look the same again). But as for her lovers? Other than the doctor with an anatomy fetish, most of them were far too busy licking me to inspect closely whether my inner labia dangle below or are tucked into my outer lips. Let’s face it. There’s only so much you can see without going cross-eyed when you your face is buried in my folds.

Anyway, far more worrisome for me than my looks, especially when when I was younger, was a preoccupation with smell (afterall, I’d heard jokes about fish). So growing up, I overcompensated by making sure Lori soaped me to death before sex, ideally following up with scented oils.

As I got older, I realized that fresh sweat seemed to be fine with most men. In fact, smelling like a body instead of a perfume seemed to turn them on, likely because my natural fragrance is phermonally hot.

Then, there’s that issue of taste. Other than when Lori eats garlic, I’ve been told I taste sweet and salty–sort of like a Chinese take out dish. I’ve heard from her lovers over the years that every vagina has its own taste-sensation. What a relief to know that I’m my own flavor. Who wants to be just like every other vagina?

Anyway from what I can tell, men appreciate me just the way I am. On that sex-positive note, let’s all just lighten up and enjoy our vulvic diversity.







About Lori Ann Lothian

Lori Ann Lothian is a spiritual revolutionary, divine magic maker and all-purpose scribe. Her articles on love, relationships, enlightenment and sex have appeared at Huffington Post, Good Men Project, Yoganonymous, Origin magazine, Better After 50, XO Jane and on her hit personal blog The Awakened Dreamer. She is also the creator of The 40 Day Magic Challenge. a daily practice to create a masterpiece life of ease, flow, joy and prosperity. Lori Ann lives in Vancouver, Canada, with her husband and daughter, where she has learned to transcend the rain and surrender to mega doses of vitamin D. Tweet her at Twitter


5 Responses to “Confessions of a Shy Vagina. {Adult, Humor}”

  1. Kate Street says:

    lol! This is GREAT, Lori! ♥

  2. Laughing says:

    This is great article. I laughed – but there are a lot of typos – obessed, smellling, espeically..It would read better with some editing. Just a suggestion.

  3. thanks for noticing! I forgot to run my life saver, spell check. fixed.

  4. the doc says:

    "… the doctor with an anatomy fetish" would most likely be me. So, Lori's vagina, let's be clear about the anatomy. What you are talking about is, more accurately, the pudenda. The pudenda includes the external genitalia that are visible when the panties come off. Another word for pudenda is vulva as illustrated in "vulvacious anatomy" in the piece by Lori's vagina. The illustration includes some bits that are not external like lubricating glands and the urethra (the labia must be opened a bit before they can be viewed). In my experience it is necessary to use a vaginal speculum in order to see any more of the vagina than the introitus and to see the introitus requires spreading the labia.

  5. […] since vaginas are private, it wouldn’t occur to me to be concerned with whether mine is prettier than yours. And I find the […]