The First Date Conundrum.

Via Zoe Schiffer
on Jun 19, 2012
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photo by Zoe Schiffer (columnist)

I usually abhor first dates.

Admittedly, I’d only been on two of them, but I can tell you definitively that they are not for me.

The first one, I was fresh out of a relationship with my high school boyfriend. (We never actually dated. We spent the first four Valentine’s of our relationship sitting on the floor of my room looking at MySpace) and was utterly unprepared to enter the grown-up world.

The next date started with a crazy cat lady from Spain coming into the restaurant I work at and veritably talking my ear off for an hour about her new roommate: a drop dead gorgeous rock climber who owned his own business. Momentary delirium and my innate sense of adventure (read: obtuse lack of intuition) led me to actually give this woman my number (after she confirmed mine and the roommate’s star signs were in fact aligned just as she’d suspected) and agree to a lunch date the following day.

In case you’re wondering, that date was, in fact, the single most uncomfortable experience of my entire life, as the roommate turned out to be 44 and utterly undisturbed by the fact that I have yet to reach the legal drinking age.

So I chose to forsake such first dates, thinking they just were not for me, and set off becoming my own worst cock-block—a talent, it turns out, I have a natural knack for. Not only am I 20 years old living at home with my parents (a fact I regularly mention) but I am also an emphatic fan of NPR, talk about Terry Gross like we’re new best friends, and have a disproportionately low tolerance for sentences that begin with “Last night was so crazy man…” which puts me on par with your average leper in the 20-somethings dating pool. And I’m honestly okay with that.

The thing is, I actually like real food and conversation, two things that seem utterly at odds with the first date etiquette of talking about absolutely nothing while politely picking at salad.

Which brings me to my next point: I, at 20 years old, went on my third first date ever last night. With like, a man. And, while I don’t believe in signs (except okay maybe this one) we did eat at a hole-in-the-wall restaurant, drive home on a scooter and discuss my two favorite topics: the possible physicality’s behind my favorite NPR correspondents and the merits of having parents as roommates. I haven’t even tried to sabotage it yet and, as it turns out, my usual scare tactics became actual topics of conversation last night.

It’s possible I’ve found someone as weird as I am who, if nothing else, will discuss the sexual orientation of Ira Glass with me and take me home to meet his parents if for no other reason than he lives with them and so has no other choice.

Editor: Lynn Hasselberger

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About Zoe Schiffer

Zoe Schiffer grew up in the lush southern coast of California, where she began writing and reading voraciously at an early age. Her love of traveling has brought her all over the world, and it is a passion she still obtains, though currently tethered down in the Washington area by Seattle University, where she is in her second year. A student of yoga, she takes her practice on the road as often as possible, always trying to gain new experience (and writing material) through travel and adventure.


6 Responses to “The First Date Conundrum.”

  1. elephantjournal says:

    Yay for Zoe! You deserve the best (or, at least, fun along the way to future bests).

  2. guest says:

    haha, love it. BTW: Ira Glass is hetero and married. I was wondering that too… because I have a crush on his voice. lucky lady his wife.

  3. Zoe Schiffer says:

    Haha no way! Here I was picturing him with some sexy painter boyfriend. Love it.

  4. Capri says:

    haha! nice 🙂

  5. […] Not only did I not believe them, I didn’t really want to. They sounded great—they sounded down right inspiring. However, the way I had it was this: I love my friends and family, and they love me, but I believed that there was no deeper love than the love you share with your life mate. […]

  6. yogijulian says:

    nicely done.