Photo: Tracy Crossley

Is this you?

Tip-toeing through life, towing the rope or hopping across eggshells, almost everywhere.

You seem to hide your true feelings or what you really want to do, whether it is professional or personal.

You try to make everyone else happy by saying what they want to hear or acting in a way that you believe “strategically” at times will keep pain, confrontation and abandonment from happening.

Except, that is exactly what happens—all that strategy creates what you don’t want, and then you strategize some more to work around the pain, confrontation and abandonment…and it still ends up happening.

The truth wants to live through you.

Without control by strategy or compartments. It doesn’t want B.S. It just wants you to live from that truth everywhere; it wants to shine your true essence.

You hide in your cave because it is painful to have to hide from saying your heart or a deeper truth; it’s like wearing a mask all the time.

Photo: Remi Jouan

Anything to distract (alcohol, T.V., going out all the time, work) from dealing with that pain or to avoid vulnerability or doing/saying the wrong thing—except hiding doesn’t really work anymore; it too is a painful place.

It wants you to act in your own best interest, stop sacrificing and suffering, to act with love, courage, respect, and belief in yourself first, then others.

You hide all the time even when you are visible.

You over-think words before you say them, so they manipulate, won’t offend or make you have to deal with the pain you carry.

You hope distractions of small talk rather than saying the deeper truth will make you feel better, except now, you feel better less and less.

It doesn’t fit the ulterior strategy, which makes you miserable getting to that goal, which never materializes emotionally—even with success, because you aren’t living real from your heart.

Maybe you allow others to disrespect, it just makes you numb-tough, teflon.

Trying hard “playing the part.” Instead of just being you.

You are afraid you’ll be rejected, because you have in the past. You worry so much about loss that it is always a threat.

You never get fulfillment because no one really knows the truth, maybe not even you.

Responsibility rather than hiding, gives you self-respect and self-love….

Who are you? What is your truth?

You can always apologize for hurting someone, but not for “who” you are in this life. You know where you stand right or wrong and people can rely on that, especially you!

My wish for you is that you get to be “you” everywhere in your life, not the nice or mean person, just the person who is human and makes mistakes—but you don’t beat yourself up, you just love you more and you whisper in your own ear, its okay.

And you take responsibility and you feel lighter.

I wish that for you.

I wish for you to someday communicate your truth, even if it is something harsh with everyone (you can always say it with loving kindness) and you stand for yourself everywhere, not on principle or because you’ve been abused, but for your own truth and happiness that comes from this freedom. The you that shines is like a million stars in the sky.

I wish for you to embrace every f**ked up thing about you, all of it and not run from it, but to caress yourself and say “okay.”

This has been a big lesson for me, I can’t live any other way; it’s all about authenticity, the path to fulfillment.

And if you know someone hiding or you are the one hiding…there is an opportunity for change.

Photo: Garry Knight

The gift of unconditional listening without fear of abandonment.

If you hide, I bet there is a person you know who can give you that gift.

Or if you are like me, I offer the gift. It is a bold gift for me because I had a helluva time hearing people say things that make me uncomfortable and for years, I changed the subject (and I probably missed a lot of amazing things because I was afraid). I finally see it is always what I must do, sit and listen—don’t judge, don’t argue, don’t threaten, just listen and that is a very scary thing to me.

Yet, it’s empowering and amazing to watch someone unfold. Maybe someone you love or care about deeply, and in turn, you watch yourself soften—humanity, compassion and empathy from deep in your soul emerges.

I realized a lot of this when I saw how abandonment played a major role in my life. I abandoned before being abandoned for a long time; I actually was so numb I never was fully in anything.

I constantly abandoned myself this way too.

I don’t invite abandonment emotionally or physically to the party anymore, we treat others as we treat ourselves. When we abandon someone, we abandon our own self. I don’t abandon myself anymore.

Staying connected to your truth is the only way to fulfillment.

Grab a flashlight. It’s there. Get out of your cave.

It is a supreme form of suffering whether we hide our truth from others or our self, when we bend to what we believe will bring a good outcome and realize all that bending just breaks us and we never reach fulfillment. It keeps us in a house or cave of pain.

The game of grown up hide n’ go seek is not so fun.

We either walk on our own hot coals or we stay in misery of those eggshells. It’s always our choice.

 

~

Editor: Brianna Bemel

 

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