Would My Husband F**k Another Woman? ~ Sarah Gunnin

Via elephant journal
on Jun 26, 2012
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I’m pissed and confused. Not a good combo, I’m  learning. One minute I’m crying crocodile tears and the next I’m throwing Kundalini punches in the air.

What’s my malfunction? I found two hotel card keys in my husband’s jacket pocket. Why was I searching through his pockets? Women, wives, in particular and mothers most definitely, have a keen sense of something is up and that drove me to put my hand in the left hand pocket of his leather jacket, which began this serious of most unfortunate events.

First I called the hotel, sure enough my husband had checked in recently (less than five months) and paid in cash about $140. Check in time was 10 p.m. Whoa. He really did it, he cheated on me…going through my head, then I would vehemently disagree and assure myself my husband loves me, he would never fuck another woman.

Would he?

Monogamy is not a strong human trait. It takes discipline and love. Especially in men, and the old adage, “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned” is truth. People’s choices and beliefs are the foundations of relationships,  which is why we as a society have so many complex issues like marriage equality, drug legalization, education, food equality, and civil rights that are far too vast for thirteen people with old thinking in this Aquarian age.

I have a friend who is in an open marriage.

This means her and her husband (who are legally married) are free to have sex with whomever they wish. They love each other and their children deeply and before I knew about their choice regarding monogamy, I couldn’t see they were different from me and my husband. When she told me I was like “wow,” but it works for them and they are happy campers.

My other friend found out her husband had cheated on her and bam, divorce. They were married 15 years with three children. Again, I was like wow. My point? Don’t measure your corn by another man’s bushel. Meaning, we shouldn’t judge others choices or life decisions. What works for me may not work for you. Ever.

I could never ever be in an open relationship. Yet, observing how happy my friend is with her choice I could never argue against it. We must have faith that each one of us on this beautiful planet has the wisdom to make the perfect choice for ourselves, other human beings and ultimately the universe and all that we came from and one day will reunite with.

We got this.

So would my husband fuck another woman?

I have my proof, two hotel keys, cash payment (no credit card statement) check in time. I text my husband the date, hotel name and check in time.  I wait. He admits he was there with another woman.

He swears they didn’t have sex, didn’t even make out. “WHAT THE F•CK EVER,” I text back, just like that in all caps. We don’t speak the rest of the day. I come home and we fight a horrible fight. I am sick, sad, confused, and mad as hell. Wanting to believe him.

I woke up this morning by the Grace of God and immediately wrote this, wanting to share my heart with everyone.

My rational mind says “don’t be a dumb-ass,” and my heart bellows “believe him!” Why am I so distraught at the thought of my husband sticking his dick in another woman? My mantra is, “Let go of that which does not serve you.” Go away jealousy! Go away envy! Go away doubt! Finally my suffering lifted and I realized, “Wow,” emotions actually do come and go. I feel the same as I did yesterday. Before all the hotel drama. Maybe all that meditation, when I thought I wasn’t meditating, is working!

This is what I learned.

If feels really good to forgive.

As I consciously made the decision to forgive my husband for whatever, whenever, with or not with whomever; I felt a tingling sensation begin at my head and it literally washed my body head to toe. My breath began to slow down and deepen. I felt calm. These sensations were the physiological response to my emotional state. Did it take my flipping the f*ck out to come to this state of peace?

What kind of weirdness is this?

In Kundalini Rising: Exploring The Energy of Awakening, Gurmukh Kaur Khalsa writes about Adi Shakti, the strong feminine link to the divine. Her words are so powerful I felt her voice in my body as I read them.

A woman’s pure vibration can bring healing to any person or situation on earth. When she lives in her divine heritage, she becomes more than God. She actually becomes the Adi Shakti, the creative consciousness of God, and she can beam her projection of radiance and healing toward anyone. That’s why a woman in a home sets the tone for all who live there. When she loves, breaths, and walks in her highest graceful power, all around her are transformed. A woman living in this state of mind and consciousness can uplift and manifest anything. A woman’s sacred touch can turn all adversity into prosperity.

Women set the tone of the family, the home, the world and the universe. Women are the grace of god. Women have the strength to elevate the world to a higher love. Knowing this made me realize, I have a universe to heal and forgiveness is the key!

How many people does it take to change the world? Just one. It begins in each one of our hearts. Then spreads.

Did my Kundalini rise? No. Sad Face.

I did have an ‘Oprah Ah-ha moment,’ and that is pretty close. Love makes the world go ‘round. Women and men and husbands and wives and families everywhere, we must forgive.

It brings peace.


Sarah GunninSarah Gunnin is no longer confused and pissed. She got over it. She is back to spreading the love.


Editor: Ryan Pinkard

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53 Responses to “Would My Husband F**k Another Woman? ~ Sarah Gunnin”

  1. Annie Ory says:

    Crocodile tears = fake tears
    It's what you say when someone is crying to be manipulative.
    I have no idea what Kundalini punches are, so I'll let that one lie.
    I will say, that is a whole of processing in a very public space.
    I'm sorry your partner lied and cheated. I'm sorry you're hurting.


  2. mariavlong says:

    I am aware that this was a real & painful moment in your life, but this type of confessional article reminds me of what fills most of the old guard "ladies magazines" ranging from Cosmo to Ladies Home Journal. I don't think your very painful experience came out in writing as a particularly good fit compared to the other material which appears on EJ. Of course this is only my opinion and there might be many others that do not agree.

  3. Thank you for your vulnerability love…I am sending you lots of love and many blessings on your journey….

  4. hanty12 says:

    What vibration do you think you are spreading by posting this teenage linguistic rant about a lying, cheating man? Process this internally.

  5. Guest says:

    I saw about 3 other comments here earlier. Were they deleted? Now I don’t feel like writing a real response to avoid wasting my time.

  6. Heather says:

    What a waste of time, totally pathetic.

  7. dkb says:

    my story is very similar to this one.

    after an initial period of denial on his part (of sexual contact with the other woman) i told him i was going in for a check up with my gynecologist and needed to know if i'd possibly been exposed to any sexually transmitted diseases. i reminded him that if i tested positive for anything, we'd both know why, but i wanted to share the information with the doctor up front for the sake of my health and any future children i might want to carry – at that point we'd been married for five years and i had been sexually exclusive. anyway, he hesitated – it seemed like forever – and then told me i did need to be tested. he'd not used a condom with the other woman and when faced with the possible responsibility for possibly giving me a disease, he sort of collapsed into honesty.

    that was in 1992. we are still married. there is a lot more to the story but it's not relevant here. i just wanted to make sure you keep an eye on your own health – body as well as mind and spirit.

    best wishes. truly.

  8. Guest says:

    Yes, my comment was deleted.

  9. slsimms says:

    This is a tough story to tell when healing doesn't always come bounding toward us; but the truth usually is tough. What I really appreciate about this article is the recognition that our "carnal" mind (if you will) can be contrary to what's in our heart. And we always know the truth despite our ego's understandable intention to save us.

    Ultimately, it's nobody's business but the immediate parties as to how to go about life after this point; but the author sounds like she's got a good grasp on what's most important: how she honors herself.

  10. I restored three comments that were wrongly deleted. Thanks for pointing this out.

  11. Hannah says:

    How you reached a point of peace and spiritual clarity in the face of your husband sticking to (what you admitt may be a lie ie. "I did not have sex with that woman") is baffling to me. I have full respect and compassion for human fallibility and the indiscretions that therefore can occur, but if your partner insists on operating from a place of (potential/probable) dishonesty I don't see how what happened will get absorbed into the great Adi Shaki love. Seems to me ( and I've been cheated on, so il speaking from experience) that there is a trust issue that has been opened up and is going to keep resurfacing because it's not resolved . That is unless you truly don't mind if your husband secretly sees other women and then (perhaps) lies about it. …I do wish you healing. And I do wish for Conection and integrity in your marriage. Peace.

  12. catnipkiss says:

    Oh, Wow, infidelity is always always hard. Would you have felt differently about it had he come to you with a full confession right after? I found out my lover had met another woman in Vegas (what a cliche!) and he also swore "nothing happened." I found out YEARS after the fact and I never felt the same about him, it was as if something broke. And we did break up eventually. Forgiveness can be good. Just don't be blind. This man cheated on you; if you are ok with that, then be honest with yourself and know that it happened, he is capable of it (most of us are, given the "right" circumstances) and that it could possibly happen again. is love worth betrayal, does it even matter? I wrote and have not been brave enough to send in, an article on this subject. It's so very difficult to grasp. My heart goes out to you, and only you can decide what is right for YOU. But also be honest with yourself. I wish you blessings and best of luck. Alexa Maxwell

  13. David Pimentel says:

    I think the author did a good job here and in no way did I consider this a teenage rant. There was “an event.” There were feelings about said event. She shares her process for dealing with these feelings, and the outcome which is deeply personal to her. She even goes out of her way to point out counter-examples with two of her friends who handled similar situations in extreme, but opposite ways. No judgment. Just information, processing, and resolution.

    I also feel for all the people who responded in an emotional way to this article (myself included). Why is there such a charge on this subject. I know I was raised Catholic with a lot of shame and emotional intensity around sex. Lots for me to process, rebel against, process some more, etc. I think it’s very common to come to a “this is the WAY it’s supposed to be” stance on certain issues simply because… if it’s NOT that way, then I’m going to be pissed, hurt, terrified… so it HAS to be this way.

    In reality, I have found that the more that I have insisted on things being a certain way, the more things seemed to blow up in my life. Instant pressure cooker. Lots of unprocessed shit in my life, and I’m trying to make it the world’s job to be a certain way… so none of that shit comes up. Hasn’t worked yet…

    All in all I thought the article was honest. Who knows what is best for another person? I can’t even say for sure I know what is best for myself. I do agree about the honesty though. That’s a big deal for me in relationships. Takes courage and trust to achieve a certain level of intimacy. I could be okay in an open relationship myself, but not in a dishonest one. But again, in the grand scheme of things I’ve been in relationships were dishonesty was minor compared to all the other nonsense that was going on. Minor by comparison. So in retrospect, it’s not a hanging offense… just a quality that seems to go together with a certain degree of intimacy (which is a must for me.)

    Thanks for writing this. Definitely pushed a few buttons for me which I consider a good thing.


  14. Richard says:

    Really really annoying.. kind of lowers the bar.

  15. yogasamurai says:

    Indeed, but you're talking about a bar that has already hit the floor. I couldn't limbo under it, that's for sure.

    I am convinced that prolonged exposure to yoga not only damages your judgment, it allows you to rationalize just about anything.

    Honey, my dharma made me do it! It's better than booze. There are some truly lost females on here – cuckoo for cocoa puffs!

  16. @Suri_k8 says:

    Interesting story, i dont buy the forgiven-forgotten part. Cheating is like the ultimate act of treason in a relationship, i could never forgive a cheating partner.

  17. e_n_e_s_a says:

    Is the point of spirituality to make up a lovely story in which all sides are good?
    Does spirituality exclude rationality and objectivity?
    So you're going to "elevate the world to a higher love" and transform your cheating (and even worse – lying) husband by "walking in your highest graceful power"?
    I'm sorry you hurt so much.

  18. I always marvel at how someone can be this open with their deepest personal secrets on a public forum. It's interesting to me, obviously, because I clicked and continued to read. I suppose it frees me up to be just as honest in my response to it. I was intrigued, albeit superficially. The article did feel somewhat adolescent in that the initial confrontation happened via text message and all caps. Besides, the indiscretion and subterfuge are too immediate to come to any definitive conclusions as to how you – or anyone – will feel about it in time. These things tend to niggle at us, and the resentment comes out in passive agressive ways. I'd say, as a total non-professional, go get some counseling for just yourself, and also the two of you. Being able to lie so glibly and vehemently is a character flaw, in my opinion. I don't have a 1-800 psychic hotline, but I don't feel good about the future of this relationship. Though I am sorry that you're in such pain, and I do hope, against hope, that the relationship works out in your favor.

  19. Richard says:

    I think her forgiveness must in part come from him financing her yogic lifestyle

  20. Patricia says:

    your reply seems to be the only sane one here – based on my own response to this article, of course. Our responses shed light on our inner 'stuff''.. interesting to note the majority of comments here. I like the clarity and openness of the author, and her willingness to share a difficult 'moment' in her life. No one can predict what the outcome might be down the road – she is only sharing this moment, in which she was able to find peace.

  21. Dearbhla says:

    Em, don't you think it would be more appropriate to discuss this with your therapist?

  22. michele says:

    such a personal article.

    couple thoughts – just my honest reactions:

    1- author is named. are you really over it – or by writing this article and publishing it – you essentially outted your husband as a liar and a cheater. revenge? you did say, “hell hath no fury as a woman scorned” right in your text. public humiliation, a motive?

    2- my personal feeling on cheaters/liars- its one thing if a person falls from grace and than admits to the discretion but he did not. theres no remorse/sorrow on his part, so far as you article tells the story. i would expect more of the same behavior from him in the future. he did it, got caught, and still got away with it, for all intense purposes.

    3- me personally? once the trust has been broken – i cant trust again. as someone who has been cheated on, and lied to, and the person swore to this day that ‘nothing happened’ after this female spent, not one, but two nights in his home…and only admitted to that once he was busted…as hard as i tried to move forward and wanted to believe him, and forget and forgive, it nagged at me…i was suspicious and unable to trust, and eventually, i walked away from the relationship. wish i had much sooner instead of wasting so much time trying to make something work that was so broken and irrepairable.

  23. Jagatpreetkaur says:

    that is a story…your story. you can always change and rewrite that story.

  24. Lisa says:

    This is a brave, open processing. I appreciate the looking at all sides perspective you brought in by sharing a bit about your friends and their circumstances and individual decisions. As with all posts however, I think that putting sensationalistic foul language in the title and throughout the article lessens the seriousness of the tone I think you are intending to present? Of course I clicked the article because of it, so I'm guilty! But a title as simple as, Did my husband cheat on me?, would have worked, too. I sometimes think of what I would do in this instance. What truly is my stance on infidelity? Is there a black and white answer? Cheating physically versus emotionally…would that make a difference? Definitely a thought provoker.

  25. alm says:

    i appreciate this response and agree with it. it is brave of SG to share this way, but ultimately healing from such an intimate wound takes time. the part of the story i resonate with is how we do have power to choose how much we suffer; and there is always an option to suffer less. but it isn't instant, for me anyway, and such immediate recovery feels like "premature transcendence" as I've heard it called. just wanting to feel better is a form of magical thinking and won't work for very long. infidelity scares people, hence the comments that are fear-based and cruel. marriage counseling is a good idea, to learn if in fact there is something worth salvaging. we can do our work on this planet with anyone, really, but for me i'd rather do it with someone i trust, or alone.

  26. Totally spot on. Asana practice will not save you.

  27. yogijulian says:

    its a brave but incomplete story with a (most likely) spiritual/psychological bypass process. in other words we (and you at the time) don't yet know what really happened, but somehow it has magically (through adi shakti) come to a place of peace and forgiveness and (by the grace of god) you have shared it with all of us.

    i wonder what this piece would have looked like if you had written this first draft, found out more about what actually happened, gone through an actual process with your husband and then written some more substantive reflections on the full experience.

    as of right now it reads a bit like maybe you have done a spiritual bypass, grasped onto something that makes you feel you can sweep the event and your feelings about it under the rug and hammered out a piece of writing to share with the world prematurely.

  28. yogasamurai says:

    Thanks, as a woman, for stating the obvious re: lack of boundaries, public retribution, etc. ! You must be a newcomer to Estrogen Journal? Keep reading….LOL This is a rather tame diary entry, actually.

  29. yogasamurai says:

    Excellent Julian. The men are the only ones who consistently make emotional and spiritual sense on here. YS

  30. yogasamurai says:

    Awesome. In the end, there are always a few on here who see through the monstrous narcissistic – and emotionally dishonest – pretense of so many these confessionals! The asanas aren't just on the mat. Cheers

  31. roeth says:

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  32. connie hammer says:

    i just want to share my experience and testimony here.. i was married for 6 years to my husband and all of a sudden, another woman came into the picture.. he started hailing me and he was abusive..but i still loved him with all my heart and wanted him at all cost?then he filed for divorce..my whole life was turning apart and i didn’t know what to do..he moved out of the house and abandoned the kids.. so someone told me about trying spiritual means to get my husband back and introduced me to a spell caster?so i decided to try it reluctantly..although i didn’t believe in all those things? then when he did the special prayers and spell, after 2days, my husband came back and was pleading..he had realized his mistakes..i just couldn’t believe it.. anyways we are back together now and we are happy..in case anyone needs this man, his email address [email protected], his spells is for a better life. again his email is [email protected]

  33. atanasia says:

    i just want to share my experience and testimony here.. i was married for 6 years to my husband and all of a sudden, another woman came into the picture.. he started hailing me and he was abusive..but i still loved him with all my heart and wanted him at all cost?then he filed for divorce..my whole life was turning apart and i didn't know what to do..he moved out of the house and abandoned the kids.. so someone told me about trying spiritual means to get my husband back and introduced me to a spell caster?so i decided to try it reluctantly..although i didn't believe in all those things? then when he did the special prayers and spell, after 2days, my husband came back and was pleading..he had realized his mistakes..i just couldn't believe it.. anyways we are back together now and we are happy..in case anyone needs this man, his email address [email protected], his spells is for a better life. again his email is [email protected]

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    his web site is http://www.priestgbengamagictemple.webs.com


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    So I decided to visit a spell caster online, to see if he can help me out. So immediately I went to the internet, where I saw an amazing testimony of a spell caster who brought someone's ex lover back,[email protected] so I email him immediately and I explained to him all my problems and immediately he reply to me that it will be very easy for him to solve, i have been helping people a situation like the one i have. And he also gave me some proof to be really sure of his work, and he assured me that my husband will come back to me immediately he is through with the spell casting. And also he told me to put all my trust in him, and I really believe him.
    So it was 9:00 am on the next morning, when I was about going to work, when i received my husband's call, and he told me that he was coming back home , and he apologized to me, and told me that he is very sorry for the pain that he has cost me. And after some minutes later, he really came back home, and that was how we continued our marriage with lots of love and happiness again, and our love was now stronger than how it were before.
    And he also told me that once my heart desire has been granted unto me that i should go and testify of his work right here on the internet. Right now I am the happiest woman on earth today as I am writing this testimony, and I want to really thank " Dr odudumoyoyo" for bringing back my husband, and for bringing joy and love to my life.
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    Thank you for Doc obodo getting my ex girlfriend back ! she is the woman of my dreams. I met her at the Carnival and everything is great.if you want your ex contact doc on his [email protected] or call +2348155425481


  43. Audrey Mason says:

    My name is Audrey Mason from Germany,My husband and I have lived together for 10yrs but with no kids, we went 2 different spiritualist,temples, and magicians . all to no avail. This caused frustration.and my husband left me alone for another woman. I was so bitter,cried and Even tried to commit suicide, it was by this river bank while trying to get my self drowned that I met this man.I explained all my problems to him and he laughed and told me to follow him home. At first I taught he was some spiritualist or another scamer just wanting to take advantage of my helplessness. He prepared certain things for me to eat and bath with, and a week after my husband left his new lover and he came back to me begging and not only that I finally have my love of 10years back, am also two months pregnant now. And he did all this without collecting a single penny from me. I just want to thank this doctor,i have always believed there are no real prophets,magicians and spell casters again,but this great man showed me there is power to whom power has been given. His name is Dr David Okafor.You can contact him on this email address [email protected]. TRY HIM he’s indeed a Life saver.

  44. Mariam says:

    Am so sorry for posting this good and wonderful news late.Its just the happiness that took me away and i was with my lover all through.My lover left me for over 2years and i came incontact with dr ikuku on the 22nd of december 2012,i told him my problem and he laughed he said he can bring back my lover back to me before christmas.i was thinking he was trying to make me happy and also scam me off my money.Well i just had a second taught which i gave it a try.Really on Christmas eve i got a call andd had it was bright voice he was in tears on the phone and i asked him whats was the problem he said i should please forgive him and that he wants to come back home and be with me for life.Which i told him to come home he came he bought me lots of xmas gift and we both celebrated the xmas together.Wow i just said dr ikuku must be a man of his word not like other spell caster who come online to add pain and sorrow to someone's life.Please friends am so sorry for posting this late because i know some of you would had love to celebrate your christmas with your lover?But there is still chance to be in the arms of the person you love and enter a new year because i believe that will be better.Please people that needs help you can contact dr ikuku on his private mail [email protected] or cell number +2348034458597

    NAME:Mariam Johnson


  45. anita says:

    For the past 3 years now I have been looking for real love Spell to bring back my love and success my business and it has been a hard time for me finding the right place until I get in contact with Mr Okoduwa who gave me spell that I use to bring my love and business back on track,Now i am happy with my family once again.Please if any body need Love SPELL please contact…([email protected]) as he is the best u can think of.

    Dr Okoduwa Solution Temple.

  46. anita says:

    For the past 3 years now I have been looking for real love Spell to bring back my love and success my business and it has been a hard time for me finding the right place until I get in contact with Mr Okoduwa who gave me spell that I use to bring my love and business back on track,Now i am happy with my family once again.Please if any body need Love SPELL please contact…([email protected]) as he is the best u can think of. [email protected]

  47. anita says:

    For the past 3 years now I have been looking for real love Spell to bring back my love and success my business and it has been a hard time for me finding the right place until I get in contact with Mr Okoduwa who gave me spell that I use to bring my love and business back on track,Now i am happy with my family once again.Please if any body need Love SPELL please contact…([email protected]) as he is the best u can think of.

  48. steven says:

    Good day my name is Steven am from USA, i don't just know how to say this, am short of words i never new that there are spell

    casters who can truly bring back lost love,but dr omofuman has showed me that there are real spell casters,he brought back my

    love after i have been scammed by some chiefs who clams to be spell casters, i was in love with a girl she loved me and i loved her

    too,suddenly she started behaving negatively towards me,one morning she just woke up and told me she is tired of the relationship,

    i was so surprised because i never did anything wrong to her since we have been in relationship for good 4years i do respect her so

    much just because of the love i have for her,so i decided to plead with her to forgive me if i have wronged her unknowingly, but she

    insisted to quite,that was how we broke up since 2years ago, i could not do without her because i love her so much, she left me and

    she no longer pick my calls,then i have been looking for how to get her back to my life, i have been contacting some thief's only who

    clams to be spell casters they scammed me of my money, then i decided not to contact any spell caster again,until a friend of mine

    introduced me to dr omofuman he told me that dr omofuman helped his sister in getting back her love few weeks ago then i decided

    to give a try for the last time due to the evidence i saw, then i contacted him and told him everything and how i have been scammed

    the only thing he told me was that am lucky for contacting him that my love will come back to me within 24 hours,then i told him

    that is not possible then he told me to watch and see,that was how i decided to wait and see what will happened in the next

    24hours,immediately the 24hours got complete surprisingly i got a call from her i was shocked she was crying on the phone

    pleading to me that i should forgive her,at first i taught it was a dream,but i now realized that this is reality so i have to forgive her

    because that is what i have been looking for,within the next 5hours she came to my house still pleading for forgive then i told her i

    have forgiven her and now we are living happily than ever before, i than you Dr omofuman, if you need his help you can contact

    him through his private mail:[email protected] Once again thank you sir.

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