July 21, 2012

Love Quotes for Dummies.

Photo: Ben Severs on Pinterest.

Quotes can be a great source of inspiration and encouragement.

Or they can be complete bullshit.

When we spend too much time passing on or thinking on the latter variety, we can internalize them—sometimes without being aware of it. Our words are powerful and often shape our beliefs. Choose the ones you focus on wisely.

Five of the worst on love that you have probably read, said or passed on at some point:

1. “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.” ~ Erich Segal, Love Story

Really? No, love means saying you’re sorry often. Love means sometimes you say you’re sorry even if you are still mad and have a stinging ego and don’t feel sorry yet.

2. “If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they’re yours; if they don’t they never were” ~ Anonymous

Gag. First of all, if you love someone, hopefully you will already both be enjoying a great deal of freedom. Spaces in your togetherness are essential. If you love someone, you want him or her to have the fullest life possible. Hard to do that if you view him as a captive.

3. “Love is blind” ~ Anonymous

Nah. Codependency is blind. Love is when someone knows who you are, gets your weirdness and loves you anyway.  (p.s. they call you on it when you’re being an asshole, too. And then you get to say you’re sorry).

4. “There is always some madness in love.” ~ Nietzsche

Crushes are fun but always a little crazy. Infatuation? Definitely has some madness going on. But love? Real love is rooted in sanity. Madness is the icky sticky cotton candy stuff that alternately fluffs up or flattens out our egos. Grown up love lets go of that.

5. “It was love at first sight, at last sight, at ever and ever sight.” ~ Nabokov.

Lots of things happen at first sight. Lust. Curiosity. Attraction. Disgust. Love isn’t on that list. And certainly not at every sight afterward.

Love is a many splendored thing. Love lifts us up where we belong. Love is all you need. Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Yadda Yadda Yadda.

And five decent ones that move beyond Facebook cliches:

“We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.” ~ Tom Robbins

There’s a lot to be said for being the right person and doing the right thing. That personal responsibility stuff is pretty amazing, huh?

“Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.”~ Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Looking at each other is sweet, but sweet doesn’t get shit done! Real love isn’t inward focused. Instead, it focuses on  being of benefit to the rest of the world.

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” ~ Lao Tzu

It’s as much about what you give as what you get.

“Love and compassion are necessities not luxuries. Without them humanity can not survive.” ~ The Dalai Lama

No mention of birds and cages and setting things free here. Just giving, because it’s necessary.

“For love to be real, it must cost—it must hurt—it must empty us of self.” ~ Mother Teresa

Again, with the giving! Must be something to that.

Quotes are great and fun to share. We could spend all day reading and sharing quotes about what love is or isn’t and how to get it right. But words…are still just words.

Personally, I think Elvis sums it up best:

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