July 10, 2012

With New Eyes. ~ Deborah Lange

What miracles happen when we look with new eyes at someone we love?

I picked up my mum from a five-week stay in hospital and moved in with her to be her full-time caregiver until the inevitable. I was told it wasn’t going to be very long until I could not cope with her deteriorating.

I was sitting next to her on the side of the bed. I put my arms around her and told her I loved her. She gripped on to me and hugged me, and through tears she told me she loved me and said how she didn’t want to take me away from my life.

I have never felt so much love for her. She expressed her love and gratitude to me.

We continued to give each other hugs, being gentle and letting each other know we loved each other. This was very special, as it was likely she would pass away soon. It was even more special because we had never been like this before.

How many of us, say, “I love you,” without truly allowing ourselves to feel the love that is inside and share it with others?

Does this ring a bell for you? What is stopping you from feeling love for someone? What has happened that you have put up a brick wall and disconnected?

This is what used to stop me and what I did about it:

A couple of years ago, I walked into my mother’s house, went straight down the hall, knelt down in front of her, looked her in the eye and said:

 “Mum, you know I blamed you for not forgiving Dad when he hurt you, and I have been resentful about that. I also resented that Chris is your favorite. I have not felt loved by you. Even though I am loyal and help you, I have been cold and unloving to you most of my life. I am sorry about that. I do love you. I feel like I hardly know you, and I want you to be well and strong enough for me to take you away on a fun holiday together.”

Her eyes watered and she said,

“I know you have blamed me; I know you have been resentful. I know you have shut me out, but I love you Debbie, and I have always wanted the best for you—and I know you love me”.

This took courage and humility, but it was well worth it. We don’t learn courage and humility out of books and through what we read. We learn by doing it.

Is there somewhere in your life you could be courageous and humble and reconnect with someone who is important in your life? What would happen?

This is what happened to my mother and I’s relationship after I chose to open up and let go of events and prejudices from a long time ago.

Three months later, I was sitting on a plane next to Mum. She turned to me, tears steaming down her face and said, “Debbie, I never thought I would have a holiday again. I feel like a little kid going on a holiday.”

Wheeling her along past the shops on our holiday, she would call out to me, “Remember when…” and off she would go sharing something from when I was a child or something from about her childhood. She made friends with all the salespeople in the shops. Within minutes, we would know their life story and were touched by something in their lives. She loved listening to people’s stories and provided an empathic ear to many people who were only too pleased to be heard.

Well that was many ago now; it hasn’t been perfect—but I have definitely been authentically loving, which I couldn’t be before.

She has softened and so have I. And by some miracle, she now walks again and does not need the wheel chair. By opening up, being humble and courageous, I gave her an exciting future to live into, having a holiday with me.

Through looking at her with new eyes, she became full of life again.

Where are you cutting yourself of from love that you could have? What is stopping you from reconciling? Forgiving? Opening up? What stories can you share about seeing someone with new eyes and creating a new life with them? Did you have a miracle happen? I would love to hear your story.


Deborah Lange’s journey has taken her down many paths—on each path, she deepens her own wisdom and ability to guide others to find their own truth. She aims to give others the courage and the freedom to live a life that makes them come fully alive! From a teacher to a high flying consultant, a housewife, a mother, a care giver for my dying mother, a mosaic artist, a facilitator, a gardener, a researcher, an investor, a roadie for an Irish harpist and more . . . now, as she grows into eldership, she sows the seeds she has gathered of truth and wisdom that can help others on their journey as she grows into her new role as author. Email her at [email protected], or find her on LinkedIn, Facebook and Twitter.


Editor: Cassandra Smith

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