August 23, 2012

10 Rules for Loving a Caveman. ~ Michelle Langton

When you have the idea that you are going to meet that special somebody, there are sometimes expectations of what that somebody should be like—the perfect somebody.

Does this sound familiar: I want a lover to be, to have, to do, to say, to think, to wear, to smell, to eat, to be….

The thing is, love doesn’t have a shape, a form or a particular way it’s meant to be. Love just is.

Open to falling in love with a caveman? Well there are a few rules.

1. He is going to want to smell you. Everywhere. And you have to let him smell you. Everywhere.

Don’t reach for those toxic fresheners the TV has brainwashed you to buy. Instead, stay naturally clean and let your love hormones radiate from your skin.

Swim in the salty ocean or a freshwater lake. Use lemons for everything and all over. Drip yourself in sweet orange essential oils. Go tropical with some coconut oil and smell like an amazon goddess. The wonders of coconut oil are endless.

If he loves your scent, his nose will forever be seeking you out, he will always find you and then be buried deep under your armpit and into your skin with love.

Just let go.

2. Accept what he is. Primal and hairy but evolving. He is all man.

It’s okay, you can still be all woman with all of your woman-liberating rights. Just let go to the option of being his woman. Being his caveman bitch, letting him know you need him and telling your bra-burning days you need him too, doesn’t make you any weaker.

It’s okay to need somebody and it’s okay to let somebody in.

Let your caveman know he is needed, he is loved, that you need a fire burning, that you want a cave building, that you like being carried in his big arms to his animal skins and rugs and you want him to protect you from other predators. Be grateful for your caveman’s skills, and help him develop.

Concentrate on the things that he does have and can do and stop finding fault in the things he doesn’t.

Who cares if he doesn’t bang bongos or quote Buddha? Your caveman is going to love your feminist fur patches no matter what, and he may just surprise you with a hulahoop.

3. Know that he is going to put most things in his mouth. His hairy sexy animal mouth. Gently but firmly.

Yes that includes all body parts.

The mouth is always waiting for any opportunity. Food, skin, liquid, toys, mud, clothes, boobs, elbows, hair, meat, grunts, love, toes, more food….whatever is in close proximity to the animal mouth will definitely be in danger or in luck of being consumed and it will jump at you from every angle. Always offer seconds for your caveman or learn self-defense for your boobs.

4. Don’t try to change him.

The tribal tattoos from his teenage days are part of him. His love for meat and protein can be embraced and developed into loving meals made with lentils, beans, grains, vegetables, nuts and seeds. Give him the inspiration and choice—show him that meals made with love don’t always need meat in them to nourish and build.

Be a caveman bitch and show him how to get protein from other sources or how he can eat quality (and less) meat ethically and sustainably. Guide your caveman into a world of protein, meatless heaven. Accept that he will fart. Accept that you will fart.

Laugh. Love. Fart.

“You are a goddess, and the fact that you fart means that you are not an illusion. It makes you real.”
~ Caveman
5. Meet him where he is.

Whether that’s in the ocean on a surfboard going out for those waves, on his bike doing wheelies looking at you for approval, hiking lost Tofino wilderness and jumping logs and mud, skating the streets of Victoria on his long board or shamelessly tearing corners on his motorbike.

He is what he is. Don’t be his mother; it’s her job to worry about his safety. You are his caveman bitch; it’s your job to inspire him, evolve him, let him smell you, taste you and watch him show off his skills.

Love him.

Either join in the fun and embrace the same thrills or embrace that he has a lust for life and these are his lusts. You want him to embrace your thrills and lusts of life and be inspired, so do the same for him. Imagine the possibilities of new hobbies and skills to trade, and new thrills to share.

6. Do Yoga in front of him. All of the time. See what happens.

Especially if you do it in your cavewoman hide with bed-head, cavewoman unbrushed hair.

If you can keep a firm understanding that your Yoga practice cannot be interrupted for animal-mouth or scent smelling, you will notice that suddenly you have another downward dog next to you, and this one is wagging his caveman tail. Be stocked up on treats for good downward dogs after practice. Yoga is for everyone, even the caveman, and whatever way they at first are inspired to try, embrace that.

Yes, it might require some manipulation of the cavewoman form, but only for the greater good. Who knows the possibilities when you start meditating in front of him too…

7. You will have to learn a new language: grunting. Cavemen like to grunt.

The animal mouth would feel lost if it didn’t grunt at least once a day. You can either nod or grunt back. Grunting and growling can actually be exhilarating, if done in the right circumstance.

The point is, just be ok with it.

No point in over-analysing for days: “Oh shit, my caveman grunted at me in this way last week, what does that mean, does he still love me, did he hear me fart after that bean stew I tricked him into eating instead of meat, has my orangey natural oil smell worn off, did I look crap surfing that wave, I can’t ride down a tree trunk with no hands, holy f**k!!! Am I enough???”

Who cares about all that little stuff? You are enough. You always have been.

Communicate with your caveman, grunting, talking, loving, holding, sharing and connecting in whatever language you know.

8. Cavemen often have to travel for many days away from you gathering food, finding new homes, fighting predators and keeping you safe.

As a caveman bitch, this could also mean you are busy finding new rocks to make essential utensils to cook with and to grind up cinnamon and garlic to keep your caveman healthy and balanced. You might also be learning new skills in different lands away from your caveman, for the good of the tribe. This means you might need to send each other smoke signals to stay connected, to send out that energy that you cherish for each other.

Love isn’t just physical connection. We need to stay connected to the source emotionally, spiritually and to have belief in your connections.

Staying connected to the source of all things, to life itself, to your tribe, to yourself, to your world, to nature, to your god of choice and to your caveman will be the most nourishing act you can give.

Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans says Lennon…so embrace your caveman connection.

“It takes four walls and a roof to make a house, but it is the space that you live inside”
~ Lao Tzu.
9. Cavemen don’t value clothes. In fact, they prefer to be naked most of the time.

Good—clothes are only for keeping warm.

It doesn’t matter what your caveman wears, it’s what he values and how he is able to love—not just you, but all things. This is what really matters in life.

Know that if your caveman is naked, you are probably going to be naked too. Love your own skin. Be comfortable in your own skin. After all, you are just a skeleton with organs, skin and muscle. It’s just a shell.

Love who you are, and who you are isn’t just a shell.

If you are going to love your caveman, you must at first know how to love yourself. Love your mind, body and spirit.

Nude doesn’t equal sex (not all the time). Your caveman also wants to cherish you, and he will do that if you cherish yourself. It will show, and that isn’t always in the catsuit you’ve been saving for that special “I’m ‘gonna blow his mind” moment.

Sex isn’t always the way to make your caveman love you. Neither are your clothes. Free yourself.

“‘Grab hair, drag home, build fire, lay down, have way, hold close, sleep, wake, find food, keep safe, make love, cherish….repeat.”
~ Caveman
10. Love is like a big wave.

You’re going to paddle for it every time, even if you know the last wave you took absolutely pounded you head-first into the sand. You couldn’t breathe, you panicked, you kicked for the surface but it didn’t come and then finally you burst through the wash back onto the surface.

You grab your board and reassess. Breathe. Look around. Your heart pounds hard.

You are okay. Everything is okay. Yeah, you are ready for life. You are ready for love.

You are ready for another wave, even if it might make you scared. That’s the adventure of love. Take risks on a caveman and forget the past waves you rode. They too were adventures and thrills and exciting…you just may have been thrown off your board a few too many times.

It’s okay. That’s all in the past.

We all get thrown off the board. But get back on it, and paddle out to that big wave again. Take the risk, everything will be okay. Because when you are able to stand, feeling the rush of adrenaline as you float down the face of the wave, and ride it, it feels like you were born to do it, and nothing else matters right in that present moment.

Love is always worth the ride.

Paddle paddle paddle!

Love love love!

Enjoy in the present moment.

To all cavemen out there, you are loved. To all cavewomen bitches, you are loved.

Love all species; develop together; evolve collectively; connect with each other.

Michelle is a RYT volunteering for Yoga Outreach providing yoga and complimentary holistic services to positively augment women’s recovery. She is a self confessed cake loving Registered Holistic Nutritionist whilst studying holistic bodyworks as well. Her passion is learning how we can heal the body through food, touch, yoga, laughter and love. Sometimes she doesn’t shower everyday or brush her hair, and she secretly likes how her armpits smell. She likes to sing out really loud in the shower with a rock voice. She misses home, but she’s glad to be away from it. She’s scared and excited all at once about life. Sometimes when she does yoga she wishes she could be stronger. Sometimes when she meditates she thinks about boys. She’s fearless for adventure. She’s passionate about love. Those who mind don’t matter, those who matter don’t mind! You can read The Raw Yogini blog here http://therawyogini.blogspot.ca/


Editor: Lara C.

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