Dear “Jackass Website.”

Via Waylon Lewis
on Aug 8, 2012
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On Aug 7, 2012, at 8:40 PM, David James wrote:

I came to your website to track down a quote, and found other interesting stuff – left the site, then tried to use my browser’s “back” button to return to find more detail about the subject I was interested in to begin with.

When I hit “back” to get back to your site, I wasn’t directed to the page I was on, but to your “Pay Us To Join as a Member” page.  No matter how I tried to get back to find the information I was after, I just kept getting back to the “Pay Us” page.

Fuck you, I’ll NEVER join your stupid site regardless of what’s there.  Idiots.  If I’d found what I was after and enjoyed the site, I might have subscribed.




Dear David,

Best email I’ve had in years.

I know the notion of paying for media that you like might be a new one for civilization…no, wait, it’s been going on for 1,000s of years.

We actually do offer three [update: two] free articles a day…so I think you might have clicked around more than you’re mentioning. We do want folks, like yourself, but not yourself, to browse through our web site and possibly subscribe. Our other site,, is for jackasses like you and me—and it’s free.

PS: if you come back tomorrow, you don’t have to admit it to anyone, you’ll get another three [update: two] articles for free. Or you may want to, egads, subscribe, which I know you won’t, because it’s a rip-off—it’s $1/month [update: $2/month] so we can, you know, get rich —because as I’m sure you’ve heard journalism and new media are surefire ways to make a bundle, these days.

Yours Sincerely,


Waylon Lewis Walk the Talk Show with Waylon Lewis.
Voted #1 in US for #green on twitter 2 years running: Shorty Awards.
Treehugger “Eco Ambassador in Culture & Celebrity,” “Changemaker,” Discovery Network’s Planet Green “Green Hero” & “Prominent Buddhist” Shambhala Sun, “Top 10 US Green Video Series” MNN; “Greatist” 25 Health & Wellness.


Bonus: speaking of donkeys…


About Waylon Lewis

Waylon Lewis, founder of elephant magazine, now & host of Walk the Talk Show with Waylon Lewis, is a 1st generation American Buddhist “Dharma Brat." Voted #1 in U.S. on twitter for #green two years running, Changemaker & Eco Ambassador by Treehugger, Green Hero by Discovery’s Planet Green, Best (!) Shameless Self-Promoter at Westword's Web Awards, Prominent Buddhist by Shambhala Sun, & 100 Most Influential People in Health & Fitness 2011 by "Greatist", Waylon is a mediocre climber, lazy yogi, 365-day bicycle commuter & best friend to Redford (his rescue hound). His aim: to bring the good news re: "the mindful life" beyond the choir & to all those who didn't know they gave a care. | His first book, Things I would like to do with You, is now available.


14 Responses to “Dear “Jackass Website.””

  1. AbbyHoffmann says:

    Hilarious! and it's not even April Fools! Good Work Waylon!

  2. KKV says:

    Did he say "Dear Jackass Website" or did you? I think from now on I'm going to precede all nouns with the descriptor "jackass." Tipping on this one.

  3. elephantjournal says:

    Good point! That was dear David's subject bar—minus the "dear."

    Subject: Jackass website

  4. Omg awesome! If I had an nickel for every email I get titled "You are offensive" ahahaha!

  5. elephantjournal says:

    Flagging this comment. SHUT UP. [Because you can't hear me on the web unless I type in ALL CAPS]

  6. Bonus jackass points if you misspell your brilliant all caps retorts.

  7. I like the way you handled that, Waylon. Disciplined. Respectable. I bet you sleep waaaay better than him.

  8. elephantjournal says:

    I sleep very well—but not enough. Thanks. Normally, actually, and we get say five such each week (mostly about the subscription thing), Lindsey and I try and be fully nice and understanding, if a bit…put-off, sometimes. But this one—Dave is awesome. His letter, while rude, was awesome. I want to read so much elephant but I can't but I don't value it so my frustration is your fault so FCCK YOUUU.

  9. justayogi says:

    funny. The pay gate used to drive me nuts on my iPhone. No matter what I did, I couldn’t stay logged in with my (paid) account. And, for whatever reason, I could never remember my password. I figured it was designed that way to teach patience and non-attachment. In the end, I switch to Android and have been blissfully enjoying the unlimited ele content without having to dig up my password every other week.

  10. elephantjournal says:

    Nice! Sorry for the hassle. I'll copy this over to our web guruji, and see what he has to say.

  11. dmachine says:

    way-this one is too good. i'll re-up my subscription and buy one for dave (if he's listening). a gentle reminder that i read more on ele than most other news outlets combined. i've followed since the print days and never want to stop. how can i send you MORE money?

  12. elephantjournal says:

    Hah. Aw. All money for Dave can be sent CO Waylon Lewis.

    Seriously, Dave, if you read this, here's a gift subscription! Email me dmachine? And Dave? [email protected] let's get together on this, hug it out.

  13. Rob Thomas says:

    Unfortunately that type of stressed out behavior is going to be more common as our world becomes less like it used to be. This will be a very challenging time for many people.
    All the more reason to find the humor in the everyday. Thanks Dave.

  14. Libertylover says:

    The Donkey represents Democrats. What's Waylon really saying here?