7 + 1 Ways to F*ck a Woman’s Mind. {NSFW} ~ David Esotica

Via elephant journal
on Oct 18, 2012
get elephant's newsletter

Update: a rebuttal, via Kate Bartolotta. 7 + 1 Reasons Not to F*ck a Woman’s Mind. {NSFW}

And David’s partner tells her side of the story: More than 7 + 1 Ways: A Closer Look. 

~

A woman’s sex is all mental.

Everything lies in her experience.

In her immersion—when her body, her soul, her spirit are engulfed in a wave of crashing ecstasy. Warm, warped, heated, burnt. Sear her experience with a burning fire and all things change. Everything changes.

Do not focus on the physical, the technique. All of your actions are whispers. What is essential is the sharpness of intent. Raw, brooding action. And reaction. A man’s movement is to be an expression of passionate force.

So then. Here are seven ways to fuck a woman’s mind, in no particular order:

1. Softly, sweetly. Almost serene. For all her thorns and daggers, every woman holds a fragile part. She may hide it, for fear of finding herself vulnerable. We do this, too. Caress her, whisper into her ear. Softer than the faintest, gentlest touch. Tender words whispered in her ear. More than just words. A sweet song, embers; roaring heat drifting from a fire into her ear.

2. Assertive. A delicate, yet crude dance. A hand wrapping around her hips and turning her front toward you. A softness and a firmness. Care taken whilst taking what you she offers up.

3. Swiftly. A firm grip that pulls her backwards and penetrates her in a whirlwind of motion. Footholds lost, hips a swinging fulcrum. Vapors of a gasp disappearing in a flash of movement. A jolt, a shake. Sharp, sudden, piercing.

4. Slowly, strongly. Firm hands digging into limbs. A tight grip pinning down wrists. Slow, forceful movements. Contemplative. Deliberate. Thumbs pressing into soft thighs. Hips open like hinges. Complete presence in the stillness.

5. Painfully. Cruel nails grinding down the sides of her ribs. Gripping onto the bone of her hips. Digging into the soft flesh of her waist.

6. Animalistic. A deep, unconscious rhythm from deep in the spine. Rising to the surface.

7. Lovingly. Penetrating, a thunder of emotion crunching through the eyes.

My girl.

There is the point where it all implodes. A thing to behold—the moment when she curls up, reeling from the burst of emotion. Orgasmic energy throbbing down her limbs. Pressing into her chest, soft sobbing begins to seep up, tears sparkling in soft candlelight.

There we go. Fucking beautiful.

There is a point when it all comes out. Every woman reaches a point when she comes, deeper and harder than she thought possible. Her body and her soul open unleashing a storm. Through her tears she quenches an ancient, longing thirst.

This leads us to a beautiful truth about the feminine—every woman is in pain.

It is a pain that goes deeper than the reach of any brutal force or cold analysis. It is something wrapped inside her, around her spine, engulfing her chest. But it is not something to be feared. This is a beautiful agony.

It emerges when she feels that hunger.

A hunger to be loved and cherished. To blossom. To feel. To touch.

And yes, to be ravished.

She feels it in anticipation and in deep harmony. It comes during times of loss, despair and fear. It groans in her sex, screaming in her thrill. It drives into her skin with touch. It deepens with burning love.

Yes, pain, pleasure and love, intricately entwined in this ethereal dance.

And from this, we find the next step in delicious life, love and sex.

The eighth way is to fuck her with deep compassion.

Compassion, as I see it, is my ability to understand your pain. To feel it. To embody it. It is the doorway to spirit.

There is the way I will reach out and touch you. It envelopes the other seven ways. It wraps around our limbs, across our skin, and binds myself into you.

Yes, this is how I can hold you, take you and claim you. This will draw me to you. It will drive me into you.

But you are the one who must invite me.

You must let it happen.

And here is my invite to you and to every woman on the planet.

What will make me come to a woman is not her sex, nor her elegance, nor her strength, nor her brilliant intelligence. It is her openness. How prepared she is to feel that groan, that pain. Feel it, and express it. That is the key.

Do this, and I will know.

Yes, this is a woman who feels deeply. Yes, she engulfs herself in an ocean of love and passion. Yes, this is the one.

And thus, you become a thing to behold. A beautiful creature, curled up, reeling from the burst of catharsis. Fucking beautiful.

What it means to penetrate a woman like this? Difficult to describe. It is simple to simplify, to leave it as a groaning in my cock and balls. In many a sense, this is true, but only partially true.

I suppose I could use the old throwaway words—polarity, masculine and feminine. In a way, they tell us that something exists. There are labels there.

But oh, feeling it is something else entirely.

Gripping ecstasy borne from ancient, primal flesh. A solemn reminder from my body, this sacred quintessence of dust. To be grasped by it, to be driven with it. To be overwhelmed by simple lust.

But oh, there is another place. Another longing. To find the beauty in it. The magic of it.

Drive that stake deep enough into my heart, and you see my soul. For I am forced to move with a single, potent purpose. The sharpness of my action places me in an empty flow. No thoughts distract me. Only instinct. Only my saliva, my blood and my dust.

And therein lies the compassion of my conquest. At a point my singular precision implodes. And I will see the beauty of it. I will sense the burning inside you. I will feel the orgasm erupting within you. I will see you. Look at me. My eyes will write a thousand lines of poetry. Your surrender has conquered me. Your grace has slain me. Your ethereal softness has overpowered me.

From here, there is only us, and only this.

 

David Esotica works with his partner, Diana, to help women find the earth shattering relationships they crave.They believe in laughing, crying, passion and orgasms. So you can imagine what happens when they talk about sex.  Check out David’s Facebook page Red Silk and his blog David Esotica.

 

 

~

Editor: Lori Lothian

 

Like Elephant Love on Facebook!

 


171,462 views

About elephant journal

elephant journal is dedicated to "bringing together those working (and playing) to create enlightened society." We're about anything that helps us to live a good life that's also good for others, and our planet. >>> Founded as a print magazine in 2002, we went national in 2005 and then (because mainstream magazine distribution is wildly inefficient from an eco-responsible point of view) transitioned online in 2009. >>> elephant's been named to 30 top new media lists, and was voted #1 in the US on twitter's Shorty Awards for #green content...two years running. >>> Get involved: > Subscribe to our free Best of the Week e-newsletter. > Follow us on Twitter Fan us on Facebook. > Write: send article or query. > Advertise. > Pay for what you read, help indie journalism survive and thrive.

Comments

95 Responses to “7 + 1 Ways to F*ck a Woman’s Mind. {NSFW} ~ David Esotica”

  1. Sara says:

    Brilliant! Sensitive and compelling.

  2. Amanda says:

    Yowza. Makes me wanna read it again! Beautifully written.

  3. Angela Major says:

    Perfect and beautiful.

  4. mfpfaff says:

    Whew! I need a cold shower after reading this. And then I will read it again.

  5. Amandaji says:

    Damn, (sigh) Thank You! I am much better now 😉

  6. rross says:

    It is concerning and offensive the submission that is supposed to be a woman's sexuality in this article. I think it deserves definite critical reflection from its writer and, especially, from readers. Please do not confuse our culture's enforcement of male domination with female sexuality. Empowerment is within one's personal experience, undoubtedly, but this article defines and imposes a single experience of sexuality, and one that assumes and encourages female subordination. Your possessiveness doesn't make me come. It makes me cringe, no–it makes me cry, cry at those claiming to " help women find the earth shattering relationships they crave" while explicitly denying any women empowerment or agency, sexual or otherwise.

  7. Meghan says:

    Absolutely love this. And want it in my life.

  8. […] I first read David Esotica’s article, I was annoyed. Then, I really started to get angry. Who the fuck are you to decide what all women […]

  9. Charolette Stoehr says:

    I agree with rross. When I began the article I anticipated an intelligent discourse on how sexuality really begins in the mind. I resonated with what the article says about a woman being really open as beautiful and engaging, as well as being wiling to go there to that place inside that is so deep we never show anyone sometimes not even ourselves. I was really disappointed however to read the actual portrayal of how the author sees "taking" a woman will get her to that place. It is a classic portrayal of women being submissive to a dominant or aggressive partner. I knew at that point exactly who the author of this article was without even reading his name. This author continues to miss the mark…he comes close but then misses.

  10. Guest says:

    This is offensive and the same crap we women are constantly subjected to. I am frustrated teh Elephant Journal thinks this is an appropriate post.

  11. Kim Rome says:

    Surrender is not submission. The courage to open the pure vulnerability for true surrender is beyond empowerment. It is strength receiving. What this author is describing is beyond ideology. This is alchemy of the soul.

  12. Lori Ann Lothian says:

    As the editor for this piece, I find it interesting to view the range of responses. EJ had an editorial discussion around this piece, and in particular, I had the author flesh it out so that as one of our "reviewers" noted, she could feel his heart along with his cock.

    The idea of "appropriate" means there is a box beyond which EJ should not venture. Yet our motto is the mindful life, not the cloistered one. What being mindful means, to me, as an editor, is allowing a diversity of expression; encouraging communication and debate with the intent to create bridges of understanding; and publishing quality writing with powerful messages.

    In my own life, I try to live by the rule of ahimsha, do no harm. This piece of writing is not causing harm. It is stirring up dialogue. And that can only be a good thing.

    It is interesting to see how many women readers responded positively to this piece. For those readers who object, mindfulness might entail looking both at why you dislike the piece so much–and considering as well, why so many others like it.

    Lori Ann
    editor,
    elephant love and relationships

  13. Lori Ann Lothian says:

    see my reply below

  14. Lori Ann Lothian says:

    I tend to agree.

  15. dan says:

    glorified mutual masturbation: for him she's a mechanism he's in control of; for her, a hands free dildo; both using the imitation of connection to make the intimacy seem real; both whilst yet insisting their mutual manufacture is as potable as it is disposable.
    don't get your rocks off, throw them to the sea, the volcano; they'll be fine, and you'll have that much less to carry

  16. shelleyreece says:

    This is what sex is for me…. *sigh* I wish more men understood it and could penetrate to the heart of "me" so surely as this piece did. I wish more women were open enough to their softer, vulnerable sides, to allow this sort of intimacy into their lives.

  17. carolhortonbooks says:

    This guy could make a fortune writing romance novels.

  18. Rianne says:

    Aside from all the other comments on this article, what really struck me is the heterosnormativity ere. The implied statement that all women, at least from time to time just need a man with his masculine energies to come and ravish them.

  19. yogabeast says:

    This is creepsters to me. The photo of a man's hand around a woman's throat? I'll not likely read anything by Mr. "Esotica" again. But, cool pen name I guess and there's nothing wrong with stirring folks up. Just can't stomach this.

  20. […] 7 + 1 Ways to F*ck a Woman’s Mind. {NSFW} ~ David Esotica (elephantjournal.com) […]

  21. Muks says:

    I am sitting here frowning, not turned on at all! I dislike women being described as that passive, wanted to be ravished. This is definitely not what I want. The pictures are not making the article any better, especially the cleavage without face.

  22. Mymble says:

    David, I had a look at your website now, and it seems quite clear that your are rooted in the BDSM world. You call yourself commander and master.

    That's fine, and being a sub myself, I can relate to the things you're posting. You write in one of the comments on Kate's rebuttal, you will only want to be with a woman who wants to surrender the way you're describing. That's perfectly fine – I myself would never want to be in a relationship without an aspect of surrender – or rather submission – from my part. I am now in a relationship where I experience this, and it has made me content, happy and liberated.

    However, it is important to understand that not all women want this. Some women want to be "overpowered", some women want to be the ones who "overpower", and others have no wish to experience any of these things. Sexuality is wonderfully diverse thing, and that is why I find your article disturbing. You seem oblivious to the fact that women are just as diverse as men.

    PEOPLE are diverse! People do not all want the same thing.

  23. David Esotica says:

    Thank you Mymble, you make a very, very good point. I do not get involved with the BDSM scene, but I understand the dynamics. I read a lot of material and incorporate it into my sex life. Use of pain and safe words are used, but it is only one of my tastes.

    You are quite correct that women are very diverse. I suppose that my piece was written for the women who were ready to respond to it. For them, it is meant to cut deeply and pierce them in a place that is seldom touched.

    I would add, however, that even more powerful is a surrender of a strong-willed woman. My partner belongs here. I think it is safe to say that she is completely converted to sexual submission. Had she read my piece 6 months ago she would have wanted to tear me apart in the comments. A conquest of such a woman is complex and invites many projections. I would have to write 100 articles to cover all of the nuances.

  24. Edward Staskus says:

    Some of these ideas seem to come out of The Story of O, a send-up popular in the 1950s. I assume you are being serious, but if it is all mental, as you say, why the "cruel nails"?

  25. Mymble says:

    Of course, it's impossible to cover all areas in one article, but if you only would have added a point about this being an article that are supposed to speak to SOME women, not women in general, you could have avoided offending people and making them feel that you operate with inflexible, predetermined gender roles.

    To clarify – when I say BDSM, I'm pointing to the mechanisms of surrender, not the whole "scene". That BDSM doesn't necessarily involve leather, whips and chains, theatrical utterances, dungeons and special nightclubs, is something I always emphasize when I have the chance 🙂 Personally, I don't even want a safe word. Precisely because this whole thing is about a shared experience, compassion, openness, safety – and union.

  26. David Esotica says:

    I could talk about this at length, but judging from the responses, posting another article will stir up even more discussion 🙂

    I used "all women" instead of "some women" as a language device. For effect. Notice how it amplified the intensity of the responses.

    Thank you for your contributions Mymble.

  27. David Esotica says:

    When pain and pleasure come together, they are processed mentally. There is subtext in the dynamics, and this amplifies the sensations.

  28. timful says:

    But, wouldn't it be even better if a man understood you, shelleyreece, not some recipe for pushing women's buttons?

  29. The comment range here runs from appreciation to scorn, which means the article has struck both a collective nerve and chord. There is not much in the middle, where discourse is about the bigger picture. I see this piece as having social significance beyond the BDSM overtones—in fact, perhaps addressing the loss of sexuality polarity between men and women in an age where women are expected to be as powerful in business and career as men, while also retaining our femininity, and receptivity. Fifty Shades was a hit, to the tune of 60 milllion sold copies, because women readers were compelled, fascinated and curious, not to mention turned on, by Anastasia's submission to a dom. Yet that poorly written book was an extreme, and it did not really hit the mark for most intelligent and strong women who perhaps yearned not for submission, but for a deeper surrender in sexual contact with a beloved.

    And yes, men too can surrender or want to experience surrender. It's not about gender. It's about receptive vs active polarities.

    Lori Ann
    elephant love and relationships
    editor

  30. ALSO. Repost for to a particluar to a comment that this was an inappropriate piece for EJ to publish.

    As the editor for this piece, I find it interesting to view the range of responses. EJ had an editorial discussion around this piece, and in particular, I had the author flesh it out so that as one of our "reviewers" noted, she could feel his heart along with his cock.

    The idea of "appropriate" means there is a box beyond which EJ should not venture. Yet our motto is the mindful life, not the cloistered one. What being mindful means, to me, as an editor, is allowing a diversity of expression; encouraging communication and debate with the intent to create bridges of understanding; and publishing quality writing with powerful messages.

    In my own life, I try to live by the rule of ahimsha, do no harm. This piece of writing is not causing harm. It is stirring up dialogue. And that can only be a good thing.

    It is interesting to see how many women readers responded positively to this piece. For those readers who object, mindfulness might entail looking both at why you dislike the piece so much–and considering as well, why so many others like it.

    Lori Ann

  31. ozzman says:

    Pretty standard David Deida litany, with a touch of 'Grey'

  32. Gail says:

    I agree with creating bridges of understanding… Is it so wrong to honestly share an experience, for wrong or for right, whether anyone likes it or not – just lightly and simply take what resonates and drop the rest! We are all unique individuals and sexuality with all its tangible intangibles is intrinsic to that in its pure Nature. As the author agrees there are many forms to a man or womans sexuality and this is an excerpt of one – so beautifully expressed (thank you for you and yes I could feel the man yearning for a womans surrender and I could feel the woman, wrapped in pain wanting a man who will go there with her – that was my experience of your article) I look forward to the day when we are simply expressing our sincere, raw and beautiful truths to each other – and as recipients we can listen, receive, imbibe, share, say thank you and or move on – especially as the editor puts it…it means no harm

  33. Lori Ann Lothian says:

    My comment on Kate's rebuttal piece, might shed light here. I am responding to a reader who noted that the article was addressing not every woman, but the archteypal feminine.

    This is the first comment on either piece I have read, (mine comments excluded) that steps back and looks at the bigger picture instead of getting ensared in the details. Yes roamingbard, I as well (as editor of this piece) understood the "woman in pain" comment to address the archetypal feminine, which IS IN PAIN. I will be writing my own piece on this, because the wounded feminine (and masculine) is a big part of what this planet is healing as we learn to move beyond a patriarchy that has raped the planet; and an apparently fertility-worshipping matriarchy that we only distantly recall in prehistory.

    To me, David's piece was moving past the partriarchical archtype of woman as slut or virgin, whore or saint. It was reaching (perhaps over-reaching) to the feminine archetype that embraces the holy-wholeness of both carnal and sacred…that liminal place between extremes where a third possibility is born….

    There is a collective urge for the birth of a new masculine and feminine. We are perhaps clumsy in feeing our way, and expressing our way, to that emergent collaboration, an elevated matriimony that this planet urgently needs.

    I've commissioned a piece by a writer (female) who has written a book on Jungian archetypes, to decontstruct why David's piece is such a hot potato.

    I will be writing my own piece as well, exploring this cultural phenomenon of surrender-submissive feminine that caught fire with Fifty Shades…and what it is really (clumsily) pointing to.

    Thanks again for your comments.

    LA

  34. Auki says:

    Soft porn reins on EJ. I thought this website was for Yoga and spirituality. I will never recommend or link anyone to this website.

  35. shelleyreece says:

    I don't see this as a recipe, timful. Rather, it is a poem that resonated with those of us for whom our primal wild selves are true and honest expressions of who we really are. My personal life philosophy revolves around remaining true to the warm, soft, female animal that I am, and a man who cannot understand that about me, cannot understand my sexuality, cannot understand me. The man who wrote this piece was able to demonstrate that he is attuned to his own animal self, and the women that responded likewise, are in tune with theirs. This piece was like a Wolf's howl in the night. The women that run with Wolves heard it and responded. The rest covered their ears and thanked God for the hollow safety of their four walls, the boxes that contain their rioting minds.

  36. Intimit says:

    I see this piece as being about connection, the sex is a metaphor and it doesn't speak of subjugation but of presence, recognition, sharing and connection. Don't be so literal in the reading of it but dare I say open your minds!

  37. bikesandmath says:

    I couldn't agree with you more, rross. It's actually really insulting that, as a woman and more importantly, as an individual, such a bold statement is made as to imply submission is the assumed way to a meaningful sexual experience. Each person is different and every couple have a dynamic that is acutely personal to them. I can tell you which earth shattering relationship I crave – the wonderful and sexually charged one I have with my boyfriend… and possessiveness (demanded or given freely) plays no role in that.

  38. Lori Ann Lothian says:

    Auki:

    EJ began with a Buddhist slant, moved into Yoga as well, and if you look at our main page, you will notice we now have subpages for everything from "ove and relationships to food to health to money to enivironment. EJ s growing, and its readers are growing with it as we triple our page views each year. I'm sorry that your experience of EJ is not your cup of tea–it's not soft porn here, it's diversity and range of material. Below, my response to one other grumpy reader.

    The idea of "appropriate" means there is a box beyond which EJ should not venture. Yet our motto is the mindful life, not the cloistered one. What being mindful means, to me, as an editor, is allowing a diversity of expression; encouraging communication and debate with the intent to create bridges of understanding; and publishing quality writing with powerful messages.

    In my own life, I try to live by the rule of ahimsha, do no harm. This piece of writing is not causing harm. It is stirring up dialogue. And that can only be a good thing.

    It is interesting to see how many women readers responded positively to this piece. For those readers who object, mindfulness might entail looking both at why you dislike the piece so much–and considering as well, why so many others like it. "

    Lori Ann
    editor, elephant Journal
    love and relationships

  39. Charolette says:

    I would not use the term "inappropriate" for publication on EJ…I would use the term "wrong venue." I understand the attraction for a good debate. I also understand and have been part of BDSM culture. To write articles with BDSM characteristics for an audience that is unknown or mainstream is not a good choice for an author, publisher or audience. This article is doing a disservice to the EJ audience as well as any BDSM culture by sugar coating it's true message to try and pass it off to the majority as something all women desire. We can't condone an article just on the basis of creating a debate or discussion when that article is repelling an audience. The first rule of a well written essay is to know your audience! When I read that a discussion by EJ took place before publishing this article and then they proceeded with publishing it…well that is disheartening. I don't read EJ any more because of this article, I read it less. Now I will be checking who the author is before reading as well.

  40. timful says:

    It was the 7 point instructional format that made me think recipe. That was my objection. That men and women who do not engage this way naturally might imagine they should. I hear a bit of that in your comment as well, as if this is our true nature, but for those who deny or hide from it. I have no problem if that is his authentic nature and if it engages well with yours. But, it should have been titled "How I take my women," or something like that.

  41. Kathleen says:

    I have 2 + 1 sweeping problems with this article: the title and the first line. "A woman's sex is all mental" implies (to me) that I should simply think myself to orgasm and cut out the middleman. It also implies that the author has some kind of heretofore unknown personal experience in the sexual experience of women. I have some basic, anatomical doubts about that.

    The truly offensive part to me is the title, 7 1 Ways to F*ck a Woman's Mind. Perhaps I have a more sensitive grasp of popular culture than the author (unlikely, since I don't go in for it much), but last time I checked "mindf*cking" was a kind of power play, designed to confuse and obfuscate the truth. It further implies that, as a woman, my mind is so simple and I am so wrapped up in it that by using a simple "cheat sheet" of 7 + 1 "tricks" a man can enter my intimate personal mental space regardless of my consent.

    Finally, has David Esotica stopped to consider that he just advised men not to worry about their sexual technique, but just come at it with "sharpness of intent" and you'll just blow her f*cking mind?

  42. gem says:

    Soooo hot!!! keep writing, pay no mind to the haters.

  43. David Esotica says:

    Thank you Shelley Reece. Will keep the shrill voice alive to thrill the likes of you.

  44. David Esotica says:

    It would be a fun way to make a living.

  45. David Esotica says:

    Here here, well said Charolette. I will take that on board and consider it. Thank you.

  46. David Esotica says:

    With a response like that how can I not.

  47. onlyonelikethis says:

    I know no matter what articles written will always have people who disagree, but I have seen numerous articles in EJ more than any other blog that I find in poor taste and offensive. In these cases I think it would serve EJ well to listen to it's complaints. Stirring up dialog is not always a good thing. Is that all you're after? So, you say, many people like it. Many people don't. Many are actually offended and yet EJ presses on.

  48. onlyonelikethis says:

    A lot of women find this type of male power trip boring, played out and a complete nuisance. Just saying in case any guys really believe this is "every woman"…it's not. And I'm an adult entertainer.

Leave a Reply