No Thanks.

Via Waylon Lewis
on Nov 29, 2012
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doormat door mat idiot compassion

The question: how to serve and support without being taken advantage of?

I personally and elephant generally are asked to support more individuals

(texts. Emails. FB messages. Invites. Stop n’chats. Drivebys)

and make more connections and support more causes

(Kickstarters. Vote for this or that. Publicize my event. Promote my video. Invite your friends to this good cause. Review my product. Tag my Page. Send a writer to cover this]

and businesses in a week than there are hours in a long, long day. No problem there: it’s an honor, and usually a pleasure, to be of any use.

But speaking of “use,” the concrete appreciation, love that comes back is and long has been minimal. As the Godfather said in the first scene in the first movie, if you had come to me in friendship and respect, even now…

As I grow older, I learn that friendship is mutual, or not at all.


Bonus: that first scene (unfortunately, couldn’t find the full 7 minutes)


About Waylon Lewis

Waylon Lewis, founder of elephant magazine, now & host of Walk the Talk Show with Waylon Lewis, is a 1st generation American Buddhist “Dharma Brat." Voted #1 in U.S. on twitter for #green two years running, Changemaker & Eco Ambassador by Treehugger, Green Hero by Discovery’s Planet Green, Best (!) Shameless Self-Promoter at Westword's Web Awards, Prominent Buddhist by Shambhala Sun, & 100 Most Influential People in Health & Fitness 2011 by "Greatist", Waylon is a mediocre climber, lazy yogi, 365-day bicycle commuter & best friend to Redford (his rescue hound). His aim: to bring the good news re: "the mindful life" beyond the choir & to all those who didn't know they gave a care. | His first book, Things I would like to do with You, is now available.


10 Responses to “No Thanks.”

  1. Yeah. I have to agree. All I have to do is open my personal email account to experience the despair of one-way "relationships". I don't answer my own phone, or look at the mail anymore! (I dump it directly into the recycle bin.) I'm not even joking, Waylon! I , well, I hate it. I hope you know I've never done that to you or Elephant. As big as I dream, I'm afraid I'm not much of an opportunist, or beggar. When I really want something, I demand it. Remember when I used to shout on twitter "I WANT THAT FUCKING MONEYYYYYYYY!!!!!!" ? That was funny. I thought. Anyway, I hear you, and you're right. Take care, friend. Anne

  2. DeAnna says:

    Indeed it is lonely at the top. ((Hugs))

  3. emilyalp says:

    Hell YES!

  4. emilyalp says:

    PS: this resonated with me … I live in a place that has money, I make a little, but not a lot, and so many people think I have money to give to them now … I am generous, to a fault, so I'm told. But a couple nights ago, I got hit hard again by this behavior, blatantly treated (by a relative) like I was an ATM (and in your words, a doormat) … thank you for writing this. It's good to be generous, to help people … being nice at the expense of ahimsa for yourself first, self respect first, that's a balance beam to walk, but it's a mission of a lifetime. Good luck using the Buddhi force. I'll wish myself the same.

  5. […] no doormat. And while friendship must be offered unconditionally, if it is not returned, it’s not friendship. I’m writing folks off left and right. And that’s healthy. In the New Year, let go. […]

  6. Edie says:

    Hmmm….must agree….with all my heart. If you only knew the texting conversations I had last night…

  7. Actually, I have emailed you three times in the last month to see if I could interview you for a conscious entrepreneur series – to promote you and support you and I have gotten no response. In the past, in order to reach you I would facebook, text, email, Skype, PM, ping, call, send an SOS, carrier pigeon and/or all of the above because I know how busy you are and would just want to try and make it easy for you to respond. Two weeks away from having a baby, I thought emails might suffice, even if the answer was no – I at least thought I would have gotten one.
    But, I hear ya! It sucks when the only thing people want from you is to help them out! Good luck with that!
    With love and bows,
    A very pregnant Jessica

  8. Kbee says:

    beware that idiot compassion, dear Way. Hope things at the house have stabilized and THANK YOU for the amazing role you have played in the devastation – helping, info, chronicling it all. Been very pleased to see how many reads E is getting these days. Congratulations on your success and hope it is bringing you some peace and happiness. much love. kelly

  9. Dee says:

    I really hear this, been through same routine myself and examined so closely that realised I have also done the same to others unwittingly, I was shocked and horrified that I was being so selective in getting peed because X never said thank you YET realised I perhaps had not replied to Y….we are all human. When you’ve earned a priviledged position it is your duty to coo next and share, you obviously get back…just may not be where you WANT it to come from, don’t ignore where it does (like the very pregnant Jessica if indeed she is coming from a supportive angle) This is karma…. Namaste

  10. Dee says:

    *connect. Ha ha but I like coo next too!