9 Rules Every Yoga Teacher Should Follow. ~ Rob Pollak.

Via Rob Pollak
on Jan 16, 2013
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Nine simple things that every yoga teacher should do to make class a little more awesome - by Rob Pollak

Nine simple things that every yoga teacher can do to make class a little bit more awesome.

Rule 1:  Pay Attention to me!

Most yoga teachers really like yoga and also happen to be very good at it. These traits, however, do not mean that I’m taking your class to watch you be awesome. If that’s what I was seeking, I’d flip on your youtube channel.  Please don’t forget the real, live, disgustingly sweaty people right there behind you. So, goddamnit, pay attention to us!

The best teachers strike a balance between showing off their mad skills and watching students struggle to get the little things right.  They use their strength and ability to demonstrate or highlight certain aspects of a pose rather than to show off a one-handed side crow headstand that they’ve been working on in their Super-level eight goddess class.

If I leave class thinking, “Wow, that teacher was sooo good at yoga,” then something went horribly wrong. I should walk by the treadmills on my way out of the gym thinking, “Wow, I am freaking awesome at yoga.  Suck it, runners!”

A Yoga drawing by rob pollak - 9 rules every yoga teacher should follow

Rule 2:  Introduce yourself to your students:

Loyal readers of mine will remember that I’m working on introducing myself. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t introduce yourself to me first.

All it takes is a one second conversation in which the teacher comes over and says, “Hey, I’m [insert hippie name]. Have you done yoga before? Any questions? Namaste, bro.” Boom. Instant openness and camaraderie.

However, since we’re preaching mindfulness here, just remember to be mindful of your junk:

Rules every yoga teacher should follow - Rule 2 Introduce yourself.  Tips for yoga teachers by Rob Pollak

3.  Ignore Anything You Weren’t Supposed to See.

Look, things happen in yoga classes. Like the time I saw the entire left ball of the guy practicing next to me. Or how every time I jump from a standing fold into a push up, my shirt flies up a little bit, exposing the lower portion of my back (aka the upper portion of my ass). Look, I realize that the teacher is going to see everything that’s going on down there. Maybe he or she will even give it a once or twice over to size me up. Totally cool. There’s just no need to draw attention to the fact that I’ve got a little hair down there. Or that my love handles make twisting poses slightly more difficult.

How about we just agree to keep a few things between us?

In other words, maybe the moment my naked back and partially naked ass are exposed is not the best time for you to do that adjustment. You know the one. It’s when you grab my hips and pull them back or rest your hand on the sweaty small of my back and push with all your might. Yeah, save that for my first down dog. Just before the sweating starts.

I suspect we’ll both be happy with that agreement.

Tips for yoga teachers - Ignore anything you shouldn't see - a drawing by Rob Pollak

4.  If you’re gonna Om, Om loudly.

At first, I admittedly did not like chanting “om.” Now, I can tolerate it. Maybe sometimes it’s kind of nice. Oh whatever. You caught me. I like it. So what. This isn’t the place for judgment.

Listen up, teachers:  If you’re going to start with an Om, then do so with gusto-mmmm. Trust me, the class will follow your lead. But if you are timid and mousy with your om, then guess what? Your class will be quiet and timid and self-conscious when they holla’ back.

Also—and this is admittedly quite selfish of me—I’m 100 percent tone-deaf, so if you say it loud and say it proud, then I can join in without others noticing that I am the discordant MF’er ruining spiritual bliss.

Tips for yoga teachers - don't acknowledge tone deaf people during Om.  A drawing by Rob Pollak

5.  Remember my name and use it.

We’ve already agreed that introductions are key. Well, that’s the easy part. The hard part is remembering those names and then using them throughout class. A deftly timed “Nice job, Bikram,” or “Sweet crow, Baba,” or “Pull your hips back, Tara” really pulls those people into the class.

But surprisingly, even when the teacher refers to someone else by name, I find that I try harder.

I’m all, “I want that too.” “Hey look at me!” “Don’t you think my crow is good?” “I’m trying so hard over here, you guys!”

Even a “whoa, looking a little sweaty, Rob” wins me over.  Or, if you want to ignore rule three, I’ll even take an “I can see a little bit of your ass crack, Rob. Pull up your pants, you disgusting slob.”

Tips for yoga teachers - Remember my name and I'm yours forever - a drawing by Rob Pollak

6.  Go easy on the Rumi, okay?

Oh wow, you studied at an Ashram in India! And then you memorized all of Rumi’s quotes? You don’t say! That’s amazing!!! Sincerely.

But you know who doesn’t even know what an Ashram is? Guess who never took English 101 in college and doesn’t understand “quotes”? Oh yeah, that’s right! This guy.

That doesn’t mean you have to give up on Rumi altogether. What it means is that you should feel free to explain things to me. Even the stuff that seem painfully obvious. Because when you say a quote and then say, “well that speaks for itself,” what I’m thinking is “No. That doesn’t speak for itself. I hate this stupid class. I don’t get it. Wah wah wah poor me.”

While I’m thinking that, I’m sitting there nodding my head pretending to look like I have the slightest clue what you’re saying. Then I start thinking, “Damn, I bet she smoked a toooonnnnn of a pot in college.  That’s so hot.”

Tips for yoga instructors - keep the lessons simple, especially the rumi. A drawing by Rob Pollak

7.  Come On, Speak English.

For the first three months I practiced yoga, I mistakenly thought every Sanskrit word meant Savasana. For any non-yoga people reading this, Savasana is a made up word that literally translates to “lie on the floor while thinking about everything you were supposed to do today but didn’t.”

Yoga teachers of America, you know how to fix that problem? Just speak English. We all understand English (except the Latvian woman who sometimes comes to that Vinyasa flow class on Wednesdays), so everyone will be on the same page when you say “Do crow.”

An added benefit:  You may avoid that tattoo in Sanskrit. The one you think means, “Peaceful Warrior” but actually means, “judgmental douchebag”  Oops!

Tip number 7 for yoga teachers, sanskrit cartoon by rob pollak

8.  Be Considerate of Your Diverse Class When Giving Instructions.

So what if your class is usually all hot limber women? I’m here now, and I’d like to feel welcome, too! In order to make everyone feel at home, yoga teachers should give instructions that are mindful of the entirety of the class, not its largest component.

So no more “put this block under your bra strap,” or “you should feel a good stretch in your vagina.”

The bra strap is not an okay reference point - Rules for yoga teachers - a drawing by Rob Pollak

9.  Make Class Fun!

This goes without saying, but if I’m having fun, I’m not thinking about how much I hate the teacher for all of the horrible painful things she’s making me do. So make it fun.

One incredibly east way to make yoga more fun is by sharing this post with everyone you’ve ever met.  And then following this blog at www.robpollak.com or on facebook.

The nine rules for yoga teachers - rule 9 make class fun - a drawing by Rob Pollak


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Ed: Kate Bartolotta


About Rob Pollak

Rob Pollak plans to get famous via the internet. You can follow his journey, writing and drawings at Rob Complains About Things, Twitter or Facebook.


88 Responses to “9 Rules Every Yoga Teacher Should Follow. ~ Rob Pollak.”

  1. Deborah says:

    this is fabulous!! I am a teacher and just loved this!!

  2. Tracie says:

    As a yoga teacher who wholeheartedly agrees with every single rule you outlined here, it blows me away to think that this isn't the case in many classes. I do hear horror stories, though, so I know the crazy, exhibitionist, Sanskrit-speaking, overly philosophizing, clueless to the class yoga teacher exists. Love the rules, love the illustrations, love the humor. I'd totally take a class from you any day!

  3. rachael says:

    This is hilarious! Thanks for reminding us to take our selves (and our yoga) a little less seriously!

  4. itcouldntbeeasier says:

    SO funny!

  5. Nichole says:

    Totally found myself laughing out loud! thanks for the comic relief. I always try to add some laughter into my classes, it always lightens things up a bit. Kudos!

  6. Syd says:

    Shavasana / Shiva-asana refers to letting yourself / your body go and be still so that you may be re-born when you get up and end your practice. Shiva is the spirit of destruction and rebirth.
    Doing the class as you teach is just how beginner teachers need to teach, and once you can instruct with out actually doing every pose you should stop. Doing the class with your student is pretty anorexic behavior, especially for teachers who teach multiple classes a day.
    Students, please wear better underwear when you take a class. No one should have to look at your nuts and ass crack while they teach you. One of the tenants of yoga is about your personal hygiene. That somehow feels unhygienic.

  7. Mary says:

    Love it! Heading to a class right now with a smile on my face ~ I hope the teacher has a sense of humor :))

  8. Marsha says:

    Great, hilarious, and spot-on true article…….thanks so much! Namaste.

  9. Too funny! I teach a guys class and it is the funnest class to teach. Sometimes I'll throw some funky pose at them or ask them to swing their leg into an odd position and I get awesome comments and lots of middle fingers thrown my way. Not very yogic but fun! Thanks for the humor!

  10. marissa says:

    the drawings are the best!!!! hahahahah

  11. Larissa says:

    Excellent rules and the stick figures are glorious. Awesome.

  12. Amy says:

    Thanks for the laught! Like the stick figures too!

  13. Amy says:

    "laugh" — geez!

  14. Janice says:

    I prefer being taught the english terms first, Sanskrit is optional.. some teachers keep on using the Sanskrit even if they are teaching beginners.

  15. Rob Pollak says:

    Thank you! And I mean that from the bottom of my bra strap.

  16. Rob Pollak says:

    Thanks! I'm not a teacher. Still a beginner. But I'd be happy to teach a class. If you couldn't tell from my writing, I'm self absorbed. So I probably would eff it up.

  17. Rob Pollak says:

    It's the least I can do! Thanks for reading 🙂

  18. Rob Pollak says:

    well, thank you SO much.

  19. Rob Pollak says:

    Feel free to chant any portions of this out loud in future classes.

  20. Rob Pollak says:

    This! Personal hygiene you guys!!!

  21. Rob Pollak says:

    Hope you had a good class!

  22. Rob Pollak says:

    Namaste!! thanks for your comment 🙂

  23. Rob Pollak says:

    It can still be yogic when you're having fun! I love classes that don't feel as formal and by the book. But maybe that's just me

  24. Rob Pollak says:

    Thanks! They are fun 🙂

  25. Rob Pollak says:

    Thank you 🙂
    Stick figures are too often forgotten as an art form.

  26. Rob Pollak says:

    It's laugh, idiot.

  27. Rob Pollak says:

    Oh. Disregard my other comment 🙂

    (I saw this one first.)

  28. Rob Pollak says:

    I actually don't mind sanskrit. I just wanted to make the joke about savasana translation.

  29. Amy says:

    I know…I got punchy!

  30. Michelle says:

    brilliant, and the illustrations were the icing on the cake. absolutely loved this!

  31. OleManJake says:

    Very good points. Like it. Sharing.

  32. georoxanne says:

    Such a great article! Well done. I agree with every point. I think a good yoga teacher doesn't get on a mat (unless they are workshopping a position).

  33. Rob Pollak says:

    Awesome! Thanks OMJ

  34. Rob Pollak says:

    Thank you, Michelle!

  35. Rob Pollak says:

    Thank you! Amazing that someone agrees with me completely. That's a total first.

  36. Rob Pollak says:

    Thanks, Heather. Apparently those bastards at Elephant Journal are trying to restrict my shameless self promotion 🙂

    And thanks for reading and sharing with the entire internet how you saw things you weren't supposed to see (A direct violation of rule #3, I note)

  37. HeatherM says:

    Fantastic. I shared it on my facebook. http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Yoga-Way-Heathe

    Earlier on in my teaching career, I experienced the bird's eye view of many student's private parts! Boy, can I relate to that one!

    And seriously the use of Sanskrit is often a pretentious farse.

    BTW (kindly)….your links are not connected properly…:-)

  38. Lindsay says:

    I'm laughing so hard I'm crying. Your illustrations are hysterical, the ass crack is my favorite. I'm a freshly hatched yoga teacher and appreciate the tips…I'll be sure to never say 'Feel the stretch in your vagina'!!! Thanks so much for the laugh.

  39. roxanne says:

    oops make that flawless overview.

  40. Roxanne says:

    Hi. Another comment on your otherwise almost flawless – you address "Yoga Teachers of America".
    Well your blog has made it to the Australian Yoga Teachers FB page. Admittedly
    ,though, Australia is becoming the 52nd state of the USA.

  41. Rob Pollak says:

    Thank you! I would actually find it really funny if I was ever in a class where someone said that. Try it once, let me know what happens.

  42. Rob Pollak says:

    Good call, but I only said "Yoga Teachers of America" because we speak English here. I have no idea what language you guys speak in Australia.

  43. Rob Pollak says:

    Exactly. WTF language were you speaking?!

  44. Mark says:

    Great Blog, being a man taking yoga classes rule 8 is so true!!

  45. Rob Pollak says:

    All in all though, being a man in a yoga class pretty much rules.

  46. Hmm Well I was just searching on yahoo and just came across your blog, mostly I just only visit sites and retrieve my required info but this time the useful information that you posted in this post urged me to post here and appreciate your diligent work. I just bookmarked your site. Thank you again.

  47. Rob Pollak says:

    Not responding in earnest until you tell me which is a better investment! What a tease.

  48. laydowninthetallgrass says:

    My stomach hurt I was laughing so much…thanks for this, Rob! ~ Bryonie

  49. Rob Pollak says:

    Thanks, Bryonie. Sorry for any pain I may have caused you.

  50. laydowninthetallgrass says:

    Ha! I meant it as a good thing…surely I can find away to work laughter as ab work into one of my classes….