Is this PMS or My Real Personality?

Via Lynn Hasselberger
on Jan 1, 2013
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Source: Uploaded by user via Lynn on Pinterest

Hell on wheels.

I’m the “Tarantula Woman,” according to my husband.

Don’t get in my way.

I have PMS. Premenstrual Syndrome. Did I say, “Happy New Year!”?

I didn’t always have PMS to this degree. I’d get the kind that turned my stomach into an bottomless pit and flicked the sweet tooth craving switch to “Danger!” so that I’d eat an entire bag of Hershey’s Kisses and Bit O-Honey in the span of a day hour. But I felt good. A bit bloated maybe, but good. Ah, those were the days.

This intense version of PMS kicked in like an evil warrior following multiple cycles of in vitro fertilization that my husband and I jammed into a period (no pun intended) of a couple of years back in our thirties.

Instead of a baby, IVF created this raging, almost tangible thing that expresses itself internally as inescapable anxiety. No amount of running, yoga-ing, breathing, or healthy, whole grain-y food eating is ever enough. This thing wants chocolate and lots of it and has been known to take the household hostage (not in a violent way, mind you).

As I speed closer to the big five-o (I’m 48 right now), my condition, if you will, has worsened. I never know when the mood-swing part will hit—it all depends on whether I’m on a three or four week cycle. The intermission of not having PMS or my period is just that. A short reprieve.

If I could just be alone without responsibility—throw in a personal chef, daily massage, the distant sound of ocean waves—I think my moods during PMS would be more even-keeled. Instead, I deal with it. I put on a good face and try to muscle through it. I explain to my almost 12-year oldwomen have these hormones, ya know? And sometimes the hormones can make us a bit irritable, right? So it’s a good lesson in being aware of someone’s moods and when not to do stuff that bugs me like singing “I know a song that gets on everybody’s nerves.” You know what I’m sayin’ cutie? 

I survive. And everyone still loves me, as far as I can tell.

Menopause is next. Yippee! I’m a bit fearful of how my body and mind will be impacted during that phase.

Dear PMS: I am a warrior and I come in peace.

I’m going to embrace this thing, as vexing as it is. PMS is not who I am. It doesn’t control me—I’m in the one in charge.

The plus side of PMS is that it’s a less-than-subtle sign that my body is full of vigor, shrieking at me that it’s functioning properly, although at seemingly extreme levels that push me close to the edge.

And when it’s over, I feel good—no, fantastic, dammit!—and I savor those magnificent days.

Today I have PMS.

I am alive. An alive, roaring, bitch-on-wheels.




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About Lynn Hasselberger

Lynn Hasselberger is co-founder of GDGD Radio; The Green Divas Managing Editor; and Producer of The Green Divas Radio Show. She's also a mom, writer and award-winning cat-herder who lives in Chicagoland. Sunrises, running, yoga, lead-free chocolate and comedy are just a few of her fave things. In her rare moments of spare time, she blogs at and A treehugger and social media addict, you'll most likely find Lynn on twitter (@LynnHasselbrgr @GreenDivaLynn & @myEARTH360), instagram and facebook. She hopes to make the world a better place, have more fun, re-develop her math skills and overcome her fear of public speaking. Like her writing? Subscribe to her posts.


9 Responses to “Is this PMS or My Real Personality?”

  1. Linnea says:

    What you are experiencing is a health warning. I too had raging PMS that reached it peak in my 40’s. It means your hormones are out of balance. You must take steps to correct this now. More than PMS is at stake. At age 53, pre-menopause, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. The predominance of estrogen to progesterone feeds cancers, and can cause them in the first place. I wish I knew then what I do now. Please do some research into this. And to start with, avoid estrogenic foods and products that act like synthetic estrogens.

    Good luck.

  2. Harold Gardner says:

    The upside is that everyone with any sense gives you a wide berth. I have known a couple of gals that I am pretty sure claimed PMS to avoid having to deal with anyone.

  3. Love this, Lynn. Probably because I am super-PMS queen today too (or maybe it's just my personality!).

  4. Uh oh, Linnea! I hope you're wrong about that. I'll mention it again during my next doctor's visit. Do you have a list of estrogenic foods? That would be helpful! Cheers!

  5. Ha! Too true, Harold. Women should have built in flashing lights to alert the general population when PMS kicks in. Cheers!

  6. I knew it was true that women who work together get onto the same cycle, but is it possible if we have never been in the same room, much less city? Glad you love it and thanks for putting it up in Today Only. Happy New Year!

  7. […] resolve to accept my body just as it is right now!” “I resolve to allow my anger/fear/depression to manifest without judgement.” […]

  8. SOFLY_Anna says:

    Thanks for sharing, Lynn. Ever since I moved to CO, my PMS is so might lighter! Loved the picture:-)