2.4
January 24, 2013

“We Raise All Our Beef Humanely On Open Pasture & Then We Hang Them Upside Down And Slash Their…” {The Onion}

Using Humor to Connect with Normal Folk about Truth since [Whenever The Onion was Founded]

Oh my god laugh out loud then quickly cringe and cry hot salty tears.

With thanks for the heads up to Duff: “Apparently they got the details wrong in this satirical article though, as it is required that cow be stunned or knocked unconscious before it is killed.”

Consumers today are more conscientious than ever about the choices they make at the supermarket. They want to know that the food they put on the table for their family is all-natural, environmentally friendly, and humane. And that’s why we here at Nature’s Acres Ranch hold ourselves to a higher standard and produce only the finest grass-fed and 100 percent additive-free beef. We guarantee that our cows are ethically raised on sustainably grown pastures before we hang them upside down from a moving conveyor and slice their throats wide open.

Our independently owned family farm is committed to one guiding principle: making sure that you, the customer, receive the best-tasting, highest quality beef from cows that are healthy, active, and eventually suspended fully conscious inside a facility thick with hot, blood-choked air and the frantic bellows of dangling, profoundly fearful animals.

That’s our pledge to you.

read the rest of the funny/horror here.

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